Hezekiah is very fortunate in so many ways, but one way is that he was born in Iowa. I know that to many of you- especially you Minnesotans, that may not sound like something that would be fortunate. Doncha know that we Minnesotans and Iowans have a rich history of making fun of each other? But the reason that Hezekiah is fortunate for being born in Iowa, is that he gets to visit his state of origin with more ease than his sibling, and we have been able to stay in touch with his foster grandma.
We knew about Hezekiah when he was one day old, but it took the longest to get him, 10 1/2 weeks. We got to meet him when he was one week old. Michael and I drove to Clear Lake, Iowa and met him and his Foster Grandma, a beautiful lady named Von at a Perkins. On a recent trip to a family reunion, we stopped at his "foster Perkins" and ate dinner. We took pictures in the same booth and had Hezekiah sit on our laps. They are in the other camera, so I will have to upload them a different time.
But today, the 3 kids and I drove to Albert Lea and Grandma Von drove there and met us at what he calls his "foster McDonalds". We have done this I think 3 or 4 times, about every 2 years or so. We have lunch, and then drive to a park. And Hezekiah absolutely loves it. Grandma Von is an amazing woman. She is a retired teacher who fostered 13 babies.
I don't know how old she is, she must be in her mid to late 70's I would guess. But what always amazes me, is that she gets out of her car, and knows each of my kids names, and how to pronounce their names- and she hasn't seen them for 2 years!!!!! I know people that are 30 that see them weekly that can't pronounce their names. This is an elderly white woman from a small town in Iowa, and she has no problem with their names. Now, that is amazing!
I made the decision not to bring Akila this year, which was hard but I know was the right thing to do. She is just too challenging right now. I brought her with to a bridal shower for my nephew's fiancee last weekend which was a little over an hour drive away and it was not fun. It was Akila, Imani and myself, and I had to pull over on the interstate as Akila was hitting and kicking both of us so much as I was driving.
Zeke was really sad that he can't go and visit his foster family, and he thinks it is really unfair. I had to explain that he actually doesn't have a foster family. He is the only of my four kids that we got right out of the hospital and I explain how cool that is and how the others don't have that story. And I got out the photo album of he and I in the NICU at the hospital. He just isn't old enough to get it yet.
We have always told the kids that when they are teenagers, we hope to do a driving tour of the southern states and visit their birth places. Akila was born in Georgia, Imani North Carolina and Zeke Florida. We can check out all the hospitals, take pictures. Maybe visit the foster families if they had ones and if they are willing to be visited. I have told them all that they will have to wait until they are adults to seek out their birth famiilies if they so choose to do so.
Of course, Akila is OBSESSED, with this idea as she is convinced that her birth family is way better than we are and that her birth mom is literally a queen and has a wonderful fantasy view of how grand they are. I of course do not say anything mean about them and let her think this about them. She is fully aware that her birth mom drank alcohol and used drugs and caused her brain damage. We have talked about that before, but have also talked about how she did not do it out of a mean spirit or anything like that but that she loved Akila. But when Akila is mad at us, over something really horrible, like I put her hair cap on and it is touching her ear and she doesn't like this, or I suggested that she and I go for a bike ride and she doesn't like that idea, I am the worst mom in the world and she wants to go live with her "real mom" in Georgia who is a "queen". Some moms might need to turn away so she wouldn't see them cry. I have to so she won't see me laugh. Sound cold? I don't mean it in a harsh way. I'm just not hurt by this as I know that it is the brain damage talking. 10 minutes later she is going to want to cuddle.
My awesome friend Angie and her husband took Akila overnight last night. This allowed us to have Imani's birthday party. She had 3 friends sleepover night. The friends left by 11:00 am and we spent some good family time. Michael and I took the 3 kids to Lake Calhoun and used a coupon I had bought last spring to go canoeing.
We had done this last summer with Akila and it was kind of challenging. We had gotten two canoes, so we had 3 to a canoe. Every time someone moved slightly in the canoe, Akila would freak out, panic and yell uncontrollably at everyone. She was a nervous wreck, and it was very challenging. She really focused on yelling at Imani as the girls were in one canoe and the boys were in the other. By the end of the canoe trip, Imani was pretty frustrated.
So, today was a different story. It was peaceful. It was a beautiful day, we were able to go much longer, much farther. We went all the way to Cedar Lake and were able to get out and swim at the beach. It was so nice to be able to spend good quality time with the kids and not be on edge. We ate at Tin Fish which is the cafe/restaurant on Lake Calhoun which has awesome food. It was a really nice afternoon and we all needed some good relaxing time together. Thanks Angie and Steve!! You cannot know how much we appreciate you.
Then, we came home, and things changed. The regular routine was back within 30 minutes. One of our common issues is boredom. When she finishes one activity, she is bored and wants suggestions. But she is not happy with any suggestions- and I give her really good ones, ones that are 1:1 time with me even. Things like lets bake cookies, let's go for a bike ride, let's play with clay or play-doh, moon sand, etc. She did not like the ideas, so she started to kick and hit me and Michael. We tried to calm her down, and talk her through it, but she only escalated. We were tempted to call the crisis line again, but it was so not helpful, and we didn't have the energy.
Akila and I were going to go to the dance studio where I work to help pack and tear up the dance floor as we are moving to a new location and have to be out by the end of the month, but they were done for the day by the time she got home. Then I found out they were heading to somebodies house to swim and hang out for awhile, so I grabbed Akila and headed to the gathering. Anything to distract her and get her out of the house.
We went there and swam for awhile. She wears a swim cap when she swims as her hair has relaxer in it and this is recommended. It still always gets a little wet though. On the way home, she was mad cuz it was a little wet. I said it was OK, we just didn't want it to get soaked. She started in on the fact that she wishes she were white and wants white hair. I get this, and know this is a common issue. But she takes this to a new level always. I talk to her about how beautiful her hair is, and how she can do so many cool hair styles that I could never do, and all the positive things, but in the end, she doesn't get it. It is all about wanting straight hair that she wants to be able to comb and brush and style. And I get this, I really do. But I can't change it or do anything about this. And she doesn't get this. She really doesn't.
So she started to rage about this as we drove. I explained that we can't change her hair, the only thing we can do is relax it, that is the closest thing we can do to make it straight, but then she has to wear a swim cap. Of course, this can burn her scalp a little and it does, and then she is yelling at me about this. I told her that we don't have to relax it and we can stop. Then she says I'm blaming her that her scalp is burnt. I said I am not, very calmly, several times. She is making no sense.
Then she starts to say that she wishes she were white. Then she decides she wishes she were Persian as one of her PCA's is Persian. I have a hard time not laughing at this as she was calling this awesome PCA a ugly stupid Persian the other night. Isn't that great? She is going to get us written up for a human rights violation or something. Good thing my PCA's are awesome and understanding of FASD!!!!!
I was shocked that she had even heard the term Persian and the PCA told me that she was calling her a stupid white person and she told her she wasn't white and Akila asked her what she was and she said Persian. She gave her some ammo. I'm thinking we should make up some race or something. I'm French, but I'm going to tell her that I'm Smoopian or something like that and see if I start getting called a stupid ugly Smoopian. Then I can try not to laugh each time I get called that, it might help me to stay calm. But it might make me laugh which escalates her. I guess I'll have to stick with being a stupid ugly white person.
I have friends who have more kids than I do. I mean a lot more kids than I do. People sometimes freak out when I tell them I have 4 kids. I have a couple of friends who have 11 kids, their blogs are linked to the right, Julie and Dorothy. I have other friends who have 5, 6 or other amounts of kids. Crazy, right? By today standards? Add FASD, autism, or other medical complexities to the mix and it seems really crazy.
My friend Julie and her husband Mark have adopted 9 children with various complexities, many of them medical. One of their sweet children is currently hospitalized undergoing a bone marrow transplant. I know some people who think that this might be due to a sin that he or some of his birth family have committed. I don't think this. I think that Elijah is a beautiful testimony of Christ's faithfulness and his grace that he shows us daily. His parents trust and faith is amazing, their strength in God is steadfast and unwavering. Can the Lord heal Elijah? Absolutely!!! If it is His will He will. And many of us are praying on Elijah's behalf. But we are praying for the Lord to use Elijah to glorify His name. Only He knows what the end outcome will be.
I know that the Lord is using sweet Elijah in so many beautiful ways. I know that the Lord is using my own children in so many beautiful ways, including Akila. Her brain is damaged. Yes, God can heal her brain. Yes, we pray for healing. But we also live our life and make decisions daily based on the current condition that we are living with, which is some pretty severe brain damage, at lease severe brain damage in the sense that we are dealing with extreme out of control behaviors.
So, to all of you people out there who like to email me these well intended emails about "biblical healing"; please know that we are praying. Please know that we do not distort biblical scriptures like we believe wholeheartedly you do, and please know that we also love and appreciate you. But enough is enough.
Paperwork. This is what I started out writing about, but I felt led to write about something else first. :-)
Michael is unemployed as of last Tuesday, Aug. 16. That sucks. He worked as a contractor (accountant) for 5 1/2 years before the company he worked for was bought out by another and they phased out the accounting dept. He is now looking for a job, obviously. It is nice to have him around the house, but not nice to not have a pay check. Not nice at all.
We also receive a letter several weeks ago from our insurance company saying they are being audited and need our adoption decrees for all 4 kids and our marriage certificate. Well, we only have this insurance for like, 5 more days, but it is retroactive, so I have to find the paperwork. I finally started to look for it today. I can find birth certificates no problem, but adoption decrees, didn't even know I had them.
Have spent several hours digging, and to no avail. It has been a trip down memory lane, and it has been EMOTIONAL!!!!!! Let me tell you why. Warning, this post is going to get long.
Our kids are all one year apart. Zeke was obviously our last adoption, and he was our most challenging, as he was a preemie. He was high risk when we adopted him, and it was crazy at the beginning!!!!! Imagine having a 1,2 and 3 year old and adding a preemie to the mix. And also, imagine that the 3 year old is starting to exhibit some odd behaviors, but just barely, just kind of barely on the radar. Stuff that a first time mom is kind of feeling is odd in her stomach, but doesn't know why yet?????
We move into a new house. It is Christmas, 2002, we get the call, there is a preemie born in Florida, do we want him. Not much info. We say sure. Thank goodness. Come home with a sweet baby on oxygen, apnea monitor, have no idea what we are doing. First 3 babies had no complications. This is on New Years Eve basically, of 2003. By February, first week, end up in Children's Hospital with respiratory issues. Are there back and forth for several weeks. Lots of complications, don't know what we are doing.
By spring, Akila is also diagnosed with Turners Syndrome. All of a sudden dealing with 2 kids with complications. This is all new to us. OK. God is good. Lots of doctors appt.'s. Lots of complications. Zeke is in Early Child Special Educaiton (ECSE), getting monthly RSV shots. Akila is seeing lots of different specialists, geneticists, endocrinologists, developmental pediatricians, gastroenerologists, cardiologists, etc. Imani and Hezekiah are thankfully doing great.
We decide we need a bigger house and put a offer on a bigger house and try to sell our house (end up not selling or moving). During this craziness, my mom calls one night to say she was brought to the ER with a mass the size of a walnut on her brain. Should be no big deal, going in for a MRI the next day. She dies 11 months later- and lives with us the last several months of her life, highly emotional 11 months of course.
As I have been digging for paperwork in the basement tonight, I have found the house sale paper work with my mom's brain tumor notes on it. Don't think that didn't make me cry. Especially when I knew that some people think that she died due to sin in her life. Which reminded me that they also think I get headaches because I sin. And my brother in-law has allergies because he sins. I digress.
What really struck me as I have spent literally hours digging in my basement for this paperwork, is that I can't find Zeke's adoption decree's. I can find it for the other 3 kids, but not for Zeke. This makes sense to me, as I was the most stressed when we finalized his adoption. I had four kids under 4, one of which had been hospitalized several times. I forgot to mention that in between Zeke's hospitalization's, Hezekiah was hospitalized with pneumonia, and Michael and I and the girls were all struck with some kind of flu bug. It was horrible. The nurses even put me in the family lounge one night I was so feverish at Children's Hospital, and Zeke's dr. even wrote me an Rx which is unheard of. It was a hard time, but one that I look back at and know that God was definitely watching over us.
Before we adopted Zeke, we had just moved into the house we currently live in. I had been organized, somewhat, before that. Once we moved here, I have not really been organized on paperwork. So, I need top spend a few more hours on paperwork looking for Zeke's adoption decree tomorrow. Wish me luck.
We had a date night tonight with Hezekiah and I forgot to bring the camera. I am so bummed as we would have gotten some great pictures. Hezekiah wants to be a marine biologist and is obsessed with sharks. We first went bowling which he has wanted to do all summer, and then we surprised him and went to Underwater World at the Mall of America which is now called Sea Life.
We have never been there. It has always seemed over priced and like it is probably not big enough. It is over priced, but for just three of us, it seemed more reasonable, and we did have a coupon. It was great as they did have a variety of sharks and he was really pumped about that. It was pretty cool to see them, and they actually swim right over your head, so it was pretty impressive. Would have made for some cool pictures. Bummer!!!
The other bummer is that my cell was ringing off the hook as Akila was raging out of control and hitting everyone at home. It did not go well and when we got home it only got worse. She was furious that it was not her date night. She does not understand time concepts well, and the fact that we rotate date nights around, and that Imani had the last one, she was before Imani and Zeke is next. She sees herself as being last. No matter how we explain it, she sees herself as being last. I had the calendar out and showed her the month that she had her date on and she was still mad. I had, in her words, "pissed her off". And there was no way of "unpissing her off" at this point. She was out of control.
Several restraints later, a bit of blood drawn on my hand from her scratches, a whole lot of profanity and scratching, a whole lot of irrational thought processes and crazy threats and other icky things said, and I finally got her to bed on the couch in the living room. I don't think I could have gotten her to bed in her bedroom though. Imani has been sleeping with her this summer since she has a window air conditioning unit in her bedroom and Imani doesn't, but she was too out of control for Imani to sleep with her tonight so we were having Imani in our room with us. Well, then she gets herself so worked up that she is scared to sleep by herself, although she would in the living room (makes no sense of course, but she just has to have some kind of control I guess).
Anyway, it was a rough night for the PCA and for mom. And for poor Akila. The poor thing just cannot calm down. She just looks like a wild animal. She just stands there and screams uncontrollably, but doesn't want anything. So I tell her to stop following me around and if she is so mad at me and if I am making her so mad and "pissing her off" so much, but she just can't stay away from me. It is the craziest thing you have ever seen.
I was doing dishes, and she kind of calmed down, and she kept on saying "just tell me one thing mom, why do you keep talking behind people's backs? Just tell me this one thing?" She repeated this over and over, a million times. I finally told her that I would answer it if she took her night time meds. And she of course said she would take them after I answered. Well I'm not that much of a sucker. We went back and forth, I won. She took the meds. I asked for clarification on her question. She said that she has heard me talk at Children's Hospital about her and at the Dr's office and that is rude. Well, I'm sure she also meant at the needs assessment last night at the mental health facility.
I actually have always hated doing that with dr.'s, answering questions about the child in front of them. Last night, in particular, when the guy is asking about fire setting , self inflicting wounds, etc. I'm thinking, please don't give her any ideas!!!! So I was explaining to her that we are trying to help her, and that they are trying to help me be a better parent. And then she got mad, and escalated, and started to hit me some more.
But you know what, we had a blast with Hezekiah, and that is what I am thankful for. He is a really cool kid, and I wouldn't doubt it if he does grow up to be a marine biologist!!!!!
Things have been rough lately. Really rough. Akila's raging has escalated. She has been very violent the last couple of weeks. I have been on the phone with our social worker, psychiatrist, friends, and others. Trying to figure out options. It is hard to know what to do.
Her behavior is taking a toll on all of us. It is hard on the other kids, and we are really starting to notice it. Our social worker told us we need to start calling the county crisis line. We did this weekend. It was lame. Took them so long to get to our house. By the time they got here, Akila was fairly calm. They just gave us some referrals.
Akila is not on a waiver, and this is a bummer. To get on a waiver, we have to jump through some more hoops. So we are playing the game and jumping through hoops now. We will probably have to do this for a good 6-9 or 12 months before we will be able to truly get the services that Akila needs. Which I'm not sure of what that really even is.
We did go to a local mental health facility this evening for a needs assessment. They recommended a 3 week day treatment for her. Not sure if we are going to do it or not. Timing is not the best, missing the first few weeks of school- they do school within it, but still. Then I struggle with therapy anyway. When you're dealing with brain damage, therapy and counseling seems so hopeless and useless. I know that most of you think that sounds callous and cold, but it is kind of the cold hard reality of life with a FASD kiddo.
I'm not saying she isn't worth effort, or anything like that. I'm just saying that the brain is wired so differently, and that the majority of therapy and counseling, just seems to bounce right off of her. I feel like the county should be giving us a medal for not wasting their money for the past 12 years and start providing us the support we need right now, instead of making us play their game, waste a bunch of our tax payer dollars over the next 6-12 months as we cross their t's and dot their i's and then offer us the services that we should get now.
I did a training in June with about 15 Pediatricians at Children's Hospital on FASD, the training went really well. They had a lot of questions, and I received some great feedback after the training. The only negative thing they put down on the eval's was that it wasn't long enough, and that wasn't my fault (I was only given 50 minutes, it was during their monthly staff meeting before clinic in the morning).
I donated a copy of Damaged Angels by Bonnie Buxton and Ann Streissguth's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome book as well. I told them that I found Ann's book to be a boring read so they would probably all find it to be really interesting since Ann is a Dr. and they are also, but that Bonnie's book is really interesting and good since she is a mom. They all laughed. :) Anyway, my point, is that I was at a meeting this week and one of the Dr.'s walked into the room and told me he is mad at me (he and I have a fun joking around relationship). I asked what I did now. He said that he finished the Damaged Angels book and that it has ruined him.
I asked why. He said because he has figured out that his adopted daughter has FASD, and is more on the mild end of the spectrum, but his mind has been spinning. She is 23 or so. He said that he is struggling now with what to do now with the info, if they should seek a diagnosis, if he should tell her, etc. His wife just started to read the book this week, and put the book down it was so hard to read.
He thanked me. He said that he also had a patient that he is thinking is effected by alcohol and he is going to figure out how to help him. Before the meeting started, Akila's Pediatrician came in, asked how Akila is doing, I told her not well and shared how the raging and restraining is at a new level now and we are really struggling. We had a family meeting this week and have decided that we will be calling the crisis line. When I shared this, the Dr. with the new revelation shared that he remembers calling the crisis line and remembers family meetings. He said the memories were all flooding back.
What I am finding so interesting here, is that a Pediatrician, who is an excellent one, has lived through this, and did not even know it. He told me that his mind is just blown right now. He is going to read Ann Streissguth's book next, which I think is a good idea. I told him I have another book for him as well, I'm going to give him one written by an adult with FASD. Our medical schools are doing such a poor job of training docs about FASD. This doc is in his 50's, I'm guessing, so his training was awhile ago. When I was talking to him about doing a training with his staff 6 months ago he used the term FAE, which is no longer used. When I told him this, this was the signal to him that it was time for a refresher on FASD.
There was a Dr. who was at the training who is one of the higher ups at Children's and he sent an email after the training saying that he thought it was such good info, that he had scanned all of the materials and was putting it on their S drive (shared drive). Now, this is the premier Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. And this was just with the tiny general pediatric clinic within the large system, a small dent within a monster- a good starting point, but also a good sign that we need to be targeting Dr.'s for training.
One of the other doctors who was at the training and who I also see at a monthly committee that I am on, has referred two different parents to me for support who are struggling with FASD kiddos. I love this, I love talking with other parents. I have been emailing back and forth with a parent in Delaware (hi!) who is struggling and I want to fly out to Delaware on a jet plane today and give her a hug.
So, I am going to have to talk with this doc some more about how I can hit some more of the groups at Children's with the training I did for his group. I think the timing is probably perfect since it has had a great impact both personally and professionally on him. God is good in His timing and placement.
Akila's birthday was 10 days ago, but it seems like it has been going on for over a month. The anticipation of a birthday with a FASD child is quite painful, or at least it is with Akila. She has a very difficult time waiting for her birthday. She has several mini-rages/rants about why isn't it today (like on 7/23, 7/25, 7/26, 7/27. 7/29, etc.- her bday is 8/5). I say, why wasn't it in February? Why wasn't it in April? Would that have been better? She just doesn't get it.
She goes around our neighborhood telling everybody it is her bday and expecting a gift. I was really planning on not having a birthday celebration for her outside of our family this year, but I changed my mind. I'm an idiot. Remind me of that next year. I changed my for one main reason. Akila really has no friends and very little feelings of social acceptance. I had mentioned last year that the teenagers from the dance studio are really awesome and patient with Akila. They make her feel special and accepted, so they are who I invite to her parties now-a-days, and one friend who is also really patient with Akila (sweetest girl alive, but one that we don't get to see very often-she goes to a different school). I feel like this party is a time for Akila to feel accepted and loved by others outside of our family.
So, the party actually went very well, and I suppose that is what I should be focusing on, not the aftermath. But it is hard for me to get over the aftermath. But I should. Because every evening lately is full of rages, so we would have had them party or no party, right? Good point. It is good to think on paper sometimes. Or on blog roll, whatever you call this.
Anyway, one awesome party goer, gave Akila $10, which is a very thoughtful gift. This gift giver is one of her PCA's who happens to be scheduled to work with Akila tomorrow. We even mentioned during the party that they could spend it tomorrow. Well, before the party was over, Akila had other plans. The party was at a beach, and when she was done swimming, and eating, and had played with a few of her presents, she was ready to go and spend the money. I told her we couldn't go until everyone was picked up, another 45 minutes. She wasn't too happy about this, but dealt with it pretty well. But she had in her head that we would be going to Target immediately to spend the money.
When we got home, and I let her know that we were going to make dinner and do a few things first, and if she had some good behavior, we could go and do it after dinner, the horns grew out of her head. The pushing, hitting, and kicking started. The name calling came out, and she got really ugly. I gave her a few chances, she did not clean it up, so I told her that we would not be able to go to Target tonight as she was making some bad choices. The next hour plus was her begging, pleading, and raging to go. Michael got home, and got to join in on the fun.
We ignored her as best as you can when she is like this. But she gets nutty. We tried to distract her. She had a whole host of new toys from the birthday party, tons of fun new stuff to play with. She wanted nothing to do with any of it. All she wanted to do was to spend the $10. Over an hour later, she finally got off of the idea. Phew. It was a very loooong hour.
Fast forward a bit. It was our next door neighbor girl's 12th birthday today also. She and my other kids were playing outside, and she brought all of her birthday gifts over to our yard to play with, and Imani was playing with her. Akila could have also, but Akila just stood there and stared. The girl and Imani were playing with dolls, like Bratz or Moxie girls or something like that, which Akila got several new ones of today. Michael and I tried to distract Akila, to get her to come and show us her stuff, to come and play one-on-one with us, but she would not. Eventually, she came inside demanding that I go into the basement and find her a doll.
She seems to think that I stash new toys in the basement for her or something. I told her I had nothing for her in the basement and her birthday was over. She had lots of nice new dolls and lots of old dolls to play with. But she disagreed. She wanted me to go to the basement and get her one. And she was stuck on this idea for the next hour plus. She got violent, she got totally out of control, and I am sitting here now wondering how much longer we as a family unit can do this....
Akila has always thought that she was in charge and in control of everything. She pretty much thinks the world revolves around her. If she doesn't like something to eat, we should not serve it. If she is cold, we should turn off the fan in the car even in all 5 of the other people are boiling. If she has eaten 5 of the 6 donuts, and one of the kids is about to eat the 6th donut, she will have a cow and throw a fit and think she should get the last donut.
The world revolves around her. She can never see how unfair it is if it is not unfair to her, no matter how you explain it. Love the FASD brain and how it works. She has always enjoyed telling others what to do. She has for years complained about Zeke chewing his food loudly. This is something that drives her nuts. It is an issue he has, but even when he isn't really doing it, or barely is, she goes nuts on him. And she usually can't just ask him nicely once to stop, she has to go psycho about it.
Well, this summer, she has turned into a bossy little psycho parent, maybe she is trying to imitate "psycho mom". I have thought about this several times- is this what I am modeling? Am I really yelling at my kids all the time? And I know that I am not. But she sure is. She is constantly going nuts on the other 3 kids over the most stupid little things. And even worse, she then comes and finds me and perseverates about the issue insisting that I do something about whatever the offender is doing. She is even doing this with the neighbor kids!
Today, our neighbor boy was outside smacking a stick against a plastic picnic table in his own yard, it was making some noise, which is I'm sure why he was enjoying doing it. We were all in the house. Michael, Akila and I were all in the living room with the windows open. Well the noise was driving Akila nuts. She wanted Michael and I to yell at the boy because Akila was convinced that he must be annoying the entire neighborhood. We both told her that it wasn't annoying us and we were fine with it. And that we couldn't go around telling others what to do. She went ballistic. She did not like this. Started calling us names, throwing stuff at us. A rage ensued.
Throughout the day, she must have complained about the kids at least 50 times and I honestly think I am being modest in my estimate. She was mad at Imani for laying in the middle of the living room floor once because she was there first, even though she hadn't even been in the room for the past 30 minutes. She was mad at Zeke for leaving an extension cord outside overnight, and would not stop going off on him about this for at least 30 minutes. The kids got in trouble for knocking her shoes off of the shoe shelf (I said I did it so they wouldn't get in trouble). It is non-stop trouble. Hezekiah rolled his eyes at her, and boy did he get an earful- and it would have gotten physical if I hadn't gotten there in time. All she wants to do all day is pick a fight.
By the end of dinner, I didn't think I could take it anymore. So I brought Hezekiah and Akila to a cheap movie. It went great, she was really good. When we got home, I asked Hezekiah to move the plastic picnic table that was blocking the sidewalk into the grass and he did so, but accidentally broke it. This sent Akila to the moon. I told her it was fine, it was an accident. Well she was furious as it is the neighbors. I told her that mom and dad would take care of it. She then raged, pushed, kicked, tried to grab the laptop and break it, and totally lost it. Over this?? Seriously? The next 30 minutes were her being angry over nothing. We could not calm her down. It was brewing all day.
We've been thinking of having a new sensory integration eval done. The behavior specialist was wondering if she is getting her sensory needs met through the rages and subsequent restraints. Tonight, during the rage, she said that she wants to go and live with Aunt Tara because she is the nicest person in the world. I also think Tara is super nice and I think this is actually a really good idea. Don't you think Tara???
My name is Barb and I am a teenager at heart who is married to Michael, an Accountant. We have 4 adopted children, Akila-12, Imani-11, Hezekiah-10 and Zeke-9. I am a youth worker by profession but currently staying home attempting to manage our household. My hope for this blog is that it will help me to avoid cleaning my house (I actually don't need help with avoiding housework) and give me some serenity (I do need help with this). My oldest child, Akila, has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) and that is what I will focus on in this blog.
Here are a few books that I found helpful on FASD. I also put the link for the lockbox that we have liked the most for locking stuff up. We have one with meds in it, one with knives and scissors. I like that it is electronic and I don't have to use a key. Each of my kids has their own as well.