Pack of cigs

I have blogged before about Akila's obsession with cigarettes, and basically all things bad. Well, we had a rough morning here. Akila refused to go to school. Wouldn't get dressed. It got heated, she called names, swore, hit, etc. Told me she wasn't coming home as she left out the door to the bus stop. I had to leave with Hezekiah for a Dr. appt shortly after so I didn't go to the bus.

I was speaking at Children's Hospital and Clinics at the New Employee Orientation after the Dr. appt, so I didn't get home til afternoon. I had several work things I needed to get done so I fired up my laptop and opened up the programs. Then the phone rang, it was the Asst. Principal. Akila had a pack of cigarettes in her backpack and they needed me to come down.

As I was driving, I was thinking of where this weekend she could have gotten them. There was nowhere. We had not been at anyone's house, and had not gone to any stores- not that they are easy to steal at stores since they are kept behind the counter. Anyway, I drove to the school filled with dread.

She had of course told them several different stories on where she had gotten the cigarettes, and the only story that she had that could have been plausible, was that she found them by the stop sign at the bus stop. She did not have them as she left our house, and she had them on the bus. Anyway, thank goodness for our great school and staff. The Principal recognizes that she isn't going to learn from a suspension, but also could not send her back to class since everyone knew Akila had cigarettes. So she needed an afternoon time out, and she could do it at home, or in the office. I reluctantly took her home with me.

After a long week, an even longer weekend, and a rough morning, I was looking forward to an afternoon of peace and quiet. She has been cleaning her bedroom all afternoon, which really needed it. I was also bummed out to find out that she did no turn in the book report we worked on this weekend. I put it in her backpack this morning for sure. She said she left it on the bus. We were going to have to do it again, but thankfully, her wonderfully awesome aide went on the bus and found it. I really appreciate our teachers, our aide, and all the staff at school who help with Akila. I am thankful for them.

Morning moods

When I woke up this morning just before 7, Akila was already up and playing with her dolls. She was in a good mood and said she woke up at 6:15, which is fine. She wanted to help me wake up the kids. I said no, as they usually don't like her waking them up, even if it is not in the middle of the night. I woke them up, she stood in their doorways. Let me repeat, she was in a good mood, and being kind to them.

But they were all just getting up and not in a chatty mood and were not overly nice to Akila. They weren't mean either, they just weren't going out of their way to be nice, and were maybe a tad rude. Well this set off the little princess, and she turned from princess into the wicked witch. She was horrible the rest of the morning, hitting, swearing and being very mean. It was out of control.

Michael and I have learned to read her moods and when she is in a good mood like she was initially, we will play into it and she will often keep it going for quite awhile. Obviously, our children do not have the sophistication to do this, or should I say, are not master manipulators yet like we are. I was trying to talk to the other three about this tonight. Without placing blame on them for her foul mood this morning, I was trying to talk about her initial good mood and asking if any of them had any ideas how we could have helped to keep her in a good mood.

It was an interesting conversation, I think Imani and Hezekiah understood it a little bit. They are actually pretty good at doing this sometimes, but I know it is hard to do when first waking up- I am not a morning person and I struggle every morning to be chipper with my kids, and to not have a short fuse with any of them, especially Akila. Although you would not have known it this morning the way I was yelling at her.

Made it

Yesterday, the kids started back to school after two weeks off, and we were all ready for the return. The break actually went really well and we did not have too many conflicts and/or issues. On New Years Eve Day, I took the kids to Nick Universe as we had free wrist bands to use.

This was a new thing, usually when we have gone, the kids get to pick 2 or 3 rides to ride. So having free reign was really fun and Akila in particular did really well. We arrived at 10:30 and I thought we would leave by 4 or so, but all 4 kids were doing so well that we stayed. I weighed the pros and cons of just leaving, knowing that the later we stayed the more likely we would be to have a meltdown. But I faced up to the fact that we would have a meltdown either way, so we stayed longer.

Around 5, all 3 except for Zeke got in line for the Ghostly Gangplank, a 4 story or so ropes course they have now that is really cool. They were in line for 1 1/2 hours so Zeke and I would go and walk around every once in awhile. Michael got off work and came and met us and watched the kids on the ropes course, which took til about 7. We then went and ate at Ruby Tuesdays and returned for some more rides.

Nick Universe also had some New Year's Eve kid friendly fun stuff and on our way out, we passed a kids karaoke thing, and of course, Akila talked them into adding her to the list (they weren't taking any more singers), and we waited and she sang for the crowd. It was pretty funny. We ended up leaving the mall after 9:30, 11 hours total- a record.

And of course, in the parking lot, had a great meltdown. Akila thought she had brought her teddy bear with but it wasn't in the car. I told her she didn't bring it, she disagreed, STRONGLY disagreed. It took quite awhile to get her in the car, and she cried and whaled the first 10 minutes of the ride. The next 10 minutes of the ride, she fought and hit the other kids, and she was fine the last 5 minutes of the ride.

The week before New Year's, the kids asked if they could stay up til 10, and we agreed. I'm not even sure if they know the thing to do is to stay up til midnight, but I'm not going to tell them. They were thrilled and looking forward to the 10 pm bedtime all week. Well we got home at 10, and put them to bed at 10:30. Zeke was hilarious. As I was tucking him in, he asked if they could stay up til 10 the next night since they did not get to tonight. I explained that they did, but it did not seem like it to him since they were not home. Funny.

Happy New Year everyone!!

Couple of updates

I did forget to update on how Akila's date night went- it was super FUN! We went out to dinner, and then to Cinderella at Children's Theatre, which was my favorite play I have ever seen there- I highly recommend it! It was absolutely hilarious and very entertaining for Michael and I as adults, and for Akila.

Akila was very well behaved during dinner, the play and our trip to Target for her to pick out a toy. This is the routine on date night for each kid, dinner, an event and a toy. She was also good for about the first 10 minutes after we got home, and then the junky behavior kicked in. But a few hours of joy with her were really appreciated and needed.

She also did come home on Thursday with mascara and eye liner on, thankfully that is all she had brought to school so she wasn't into the full fledged hooker look. My make up has found a new hiding spot, and hopefully it will last for a few months before she finds it.

Make up

That title could have several different meanings. But I am going to talk about facial make up. Akila loves it, is obsessed with it, and when she gets her hands on it, usually ends up looking like a hooker. I always have to hide mine. It has been in a drawer in the bathroom underneath some towels for about a month. I always have to find a new hiding spot. I could lock it up in the kitchen or something, but our little gun safe is pretty full already.

I was doing a short training on customer service to front desk staff this morning at Children's Clinic and I needed to leave shortly after I got the kids on the bus. I had done everything but put make up on before they left. I have only been wearing make up regularly for about 4 years. My mom was big into make up and not leaving the house without it on, especially lipstick. I still can't handle lip stick, but as I have gotten older, I have learned the benefits of make up on an aging face. My mom would be so proud.

Anyway, I went up to put on my make up, and it was almost all gone. Akila was kind enough to leave the case, and the foundation, but had taken almost everything else. Not a huge deal, but it was a day when I would really have preferred to have some make up on, since I was leading a training and all!!! And I don't have any spare or back up anywhere, when I have tried to do that, she always gets into it!!!

I am pretty sure she brought it to school, as I can't find it in her bedroom. When she came home from school yesterday, I found a $5 bill in her backpack. Later in the evening I asked her where she got it from and she said a lady at school gave it to her. She must think I am a total idiot. :) I asked what lady and she said the lunch lady. I said that I was going to school today and would ask the lunch lady about this. I also reminded her that I will not get really mad if she tells me the truth so I can return the item to the right owner, but that I will get mad if she lies. She then told me it was Zeke's chore money.

I was quite relieved to find that she had not stolen it from someone at school. Zeke has been a cleaning machine lately, wanting to do chores all the time to earn money, which I am happy about of course. My favorite chore to give the kids lately is folding and putting away laundry, it is their least favorite, mine too. I would rather clean the toilet. Zeke has put his money in a wallet and I keep finding it all over the house. I keep telling him he needs to keep it in the safe or Akila will get it, but he has not been listening. I think he will now.

She should be home any minute, I can't wait to see if she is wearing any make up. It is going to be a fun night!!!!!

Exhausted

I am tired today. I went to bed at midnight after getting a lot of work stuff done. Was sleeping really peacefully at 2:00 until Akila woke me up and wanted to know where the movie case was. I got her some meds to help her fall back asleep and went to her room with her. She was too bored to fall asleep though. A fight ensued. I remained patient, for awhile.

I tried tons of different things to help her calm down and fall asleep. I asked if she wanted me to rub her back or give her a massage. I put her music on, I said I would lay down with her, I said she could come sleep in our room (which I rarely do), I offered rewards for if she fell asleep, I was so desperate to go to sleep that I even told her I would paint her bedroom this week if she went to sleep.

All the while, she is crying, getting louder and louder, swearing and refusing to even close her eyes to try to fall asleep. I think I was patient the first 30 minutes, then I slowly lost it. Michael came up and we tag teamed, for about 10 minutes, then I returned. I was able to get her to settle down (after she had woke Imani up), and I laid down on the bed with her and told her the story about the day we adopted her. We laid there for awhile, but she did not fall asleep. She started to say that she didn't want to close her eyes because she was scared of bad dreams. I prayed with her, I talked about dreams and how they aren't real, all that stuff. Nothing helped. I finally gave up after nearly 2 hours. I went to bed. She went downstairs to watch movies.

I fell asleep around 4:30. She woke me up at 5:40 to ask me if she could sleep in our room on the floor. I said yes. Then I got to listen to her laying on the floor eating something out of a crinkly bag. I finally got up at 6:00, which is an hour early for me and very painful.

The worst part of the entire night, was poor Imani. When I was close to thinking that Akila had fallen asleep, I hear Imani calling for me. Well, I was getting super annoyed with IMANI at this point. Akila was nearly sleeping and Imani was calling my name. I couldn't believe it. I finally went into Imani's room and she asked me in a very sad voice if Akila really wasn't going to get any Christmas presents because she heard dad say this during his tag team turn. She was very upset about this and didn't think it was fair because of Akila's "brain problem".

My response was bad. I said that I didn't know, but that she didn't need to worry about it. I almost had Akila to bed and I needed Imani to be quiet so I could get Akila asleep. I hugged her and told her I loved her, and then I went back to get Akila to sleep. I sat on the floor in Akila's room with my head on the bed, and I could hear sweet Imani in her room crying. I started to cry. Then Akila asked if she could get up and saw that I was crying. I actually thought this might help her to try at least to fall asleep. No luck.

I went into Imani's room, and apologized and held her for awhile. I pray that this is not a start to a bad week. I know for sure it is going to be a rough day, for me at least. I am exhausted.

Today

There is no school today, and the day has gone well I am glad to report. I spent the morning unbraiding Akila's hair, and rebraiding it. I just took a shower, and broke the news to Akila that tonight is her date night. Michael and I are taking her to see Cinderella at the Children's Theatre. She will also get to choose where we eat dinner, and a toy at the store. I was thinking of waiting until an hour or less before we leave, but decided to let the cat out of the bag.

Typically, we have a great time on her date night. She is one on one and has all of our attention, and is getting her way- so her behavior is usually perfect. My nephew Tyler is babysitting the rest of the group and they are really excited about that.

We got the tickets on the Children's Theatre "Pay What You Can" program. I think the way it works, is that a Monday before the opening of one of their productions, you can call the box office and refer to this program. You name your price, a minimum of $1/ticket. Each family can get up to 12 tickets in a year. It is a great deal. I named $10/ticket, which fits into our budget much better than the regular prices, especially if we are taking the entire family.

I will try to remember to report on the night tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it. I always see on this night, who Akila really is. Who she is without all the odd behaviors that are a result of the brain damage. It is really a blessing, but it is also a little sad. It makes me think of how much easier Akila's life would be and what she could do in her life, had she not been damaged by alcohol in the womb. But, I am going to be thankful for this evening and the opportunity to spend good time with Michael and Akila. Thank you Lord.

Patches

Akila has a teddy bear that she is obsessed with, it is a huge comfort item for her. I have tried for years to have her stop taking it or her blanket before the bear, with to places that we go. She is much better lately, it usually stays in the car without a fight. But I have learned that it really helps to keep her calm, so I have stopped fighting it most of the time.

Since we got Hibeam, it has been a struggle to keep the teddy away from him. When Akila is walking around with the teddy, Hibeam jumps up and grabs it and a tug of war begins. It doesn't help that Akila teases him with it and sometimes gives the teddy to the dog. I'm not sure how much life is left in teddy. we have sewn up several holes in him lately, and Ms. Kathy has as well. Well he got a couple of big holes in him this week so I actually sat down this morning to patch him up.

Let me preface this with a couple of facts. First, I am not crafty or creative. Second, I hate trying to be crafty and creative. I don't like to sew or do stuff like this. I admire people who do. Here is my finished product:
As I was sewing, I realized that this patch was a little symbolic. We had a very rough day with Akila on Sunday. She woke up at 4:00 am, and was bouncing off the walls. On the way to church, she was in her super loud mode. Sometimes with her sensory processing issues, she is like this, and it is very frustrating. After church, we had to drive Imani to a birthday party in St. Paul. Akila was just manic in the van. We went out to lunch while Imani was at the party, she was manic. The whole day was just plain tiring. She was so loud, and just did not ever get the message to tone down her voice. So this patch on the mouth, is making me laugh.

And then, look at where I had to put the next patch. I will say nothing else.

My boys

I mentioned that my boys both made the honor roll and were honored last week. Here are a few pictures of the little cuties. In the first one, it is pretty hard to see Hezekiah, but I have a picture of the both of them also.

Honor Roll & Suspension

My boys were both honored at school this morning for making the honor roll. This is a new thing our school has started this year at the elementary level. They got long sleeved t-shirts that say "I am the Definition of Ambition" on the back, and have the school name on the front. They were adorable and I was very proud. ( I will try to post some pics soon)

Then, the call came this afternoon that I have been knowing for years would come. Akila got in a fight after school on the bus, before it left school property. I had to go pick her up. She is suspended for tomorrow and is kicked off the bus the rest of the week. She says that the boy told Imani to shut up so she slapped his face. He pushed her down, she went back at him and they got into a smackdown. Akila is tiny, this boy is much bigger than she is, I love how she has no clue that she has no business hitting a kid that could squash her in a single step.

Anyway, I have told her no computer or TV or fun for tomorrow. Only chores and homework. I anticipate a very problematic day. I am not looking forward to it. She has been having a rough week. Her aide at school has said that Akila has gotten more lippy and full of attitude with her lately, I knew the honeymoon phase would wear off soon, although I hoped and prayed it would not.

After I picked her up from school, I brought her straight to dance class. The entire way there, she was full of attitude and I thought I was going to have to pull over and get out of the van to take a few breaths to calm myself down, but we made it. When I picked her up after dance, she was much more appropriate and knew that she should not be pushing me. She was polite on the way home, and went straight to bed, I was very relieved.

We talked about other choices she could have made when she thought this boy was disrespecting Imani, but I don't think she really gets it. When we got in the van after dance, she said, before I brought it up, "Mom, I'm sorry for fighting with that boy. I just couldn't control my anger". It was a good reminder to me that she needs time to process things, and I need time to control my anger. It was an interesting day- to start the day going to the school for an honor, and to end the day with a suspension. I wonder what they think of me at that school sometimes!!!