Great summer program

Well I am so happy to report that our summer has been going really well. Vacation Bible School was a huge hit last week and the program at a local park that Akila is in from 11-4 each day is great. She loves it and the staff person is excellent. She has gotten to go swimming at the local water park every day, and done lots of fun things.

The other kids are really happy to be home and playing together or with neighborhood kids, and I have been getting stuff done. Yesterday, when it was extremely hot, I spent the afternoon in Akila's bedroom peeling wallpaper. Why you ask would I do this on a hot day? Because there is a window unit air conditioner in Akila's room, and because I have to return the wall paper steamer to my friend in Willmar next week when we go there for ther 4th of July. I always need deadlines to get things done. I have had the steamer for over a year.

On Monday, Akila skipped the park program and we went to Zeke's beach, Cedar Lake (all my kids middle names are after Minneapolis lakes). It was great!!! The water felt great, they swam and played nicely for several hours. Zeke and Imani even caught a fish in their bucket. They tried for at least two hours, and their patience finally paid off. They were very excited. Akila found a few snails, which she was quite excited about. I read a book. It was lovely.

Akila will be going to an overnight YMCA camp July 5-10, I am excited for her. She is on cloud nine as she has always wanted to go to a camp. It will be a nice respite for the rest of us as well. Most people don't understand, that when I say our summer has been going well, that doesn't mean that we don't have a million issues with Akila. That doesn't mean I haven't been hit and called names. It mainly means that the majority of her rages, have been short lived and not escalated into full blown blow-outs.

Summer update

Last week was our first full week of summer, and it went pretty well. No huge issues, but plenty of little ones-especially with the chilly rainy weather. This week, the kids are signed up for the first of three Vacation Bible Schools (VBS), from 9-11:30 each day. Akila is signed up at a program at a local park that is a partnership with the YMCA, a program all summer from 11-4 for free. Yes, I said free. It is one of the benefits to living in the hood and having your house broken into all the time. You get to find some really cool free programs.

Akila is excited for the program, I hope she likes it. I know that I do, and so do the other kids. They have been playing outside all afternoon with the neighbor kids and there has not been a single issue. No hitting, no name calling. It is really nice. After a full week together 24/7, we all needed a break from the issues Akila brings into our family. And as an added bonus, Akila gets to hang out tonight with Angie. What a great start to the week.

Thongs

I took the kids to a Lifetime Fitness outdoor pool yesterday, we do this a lot in the summer as it is included with our membership, so no pool fees. And the pools are really nice, zero depth, waterslides, etc.

I was sitting on a chair reading, and Akila came over to ask for her goggles. I gave them to her, and saw something crazy as she turned around to walk to the pool. She had intentionally pulled her swim suit up her butt cracks to make it look like a thong. Being a great mom, I yelled at her, kind of loudly, but not super loud, to pull her suit out of her butt crack. She turned and gave me the "I've been busted look" and jumped in the pool.

I started to look around to see who at the pool was wearing a thong suit, but didn't see one. I do remember seeing one last year and being kind of grossed out. Later, when she came back, I asked her where she had seen somebody wearing a suit up their butt crack. She didn't want to talk about it and kept looking behind me. I think the person was right behind us, I never got up the courage to look. Hopefully I made them feel as dumb as they looked. Nice.

Nice post

Here is a link to a blog that I like, and I really like this post.

Imani, the shy one??

Imani is my daughter who is fairly quiet and comes off as shy most of the time. She is very well behaved, and when meeting a new person, is pretty quiet. She is not the child that you would expect is a good performer. But she is. She does well at her piano recitals, and is pretty good at plays as well.

Today after school, she wanted to use our camera that takes short videos, and I agreed. Last week, our grandma Kathy gave us a stack of three Guidepost magazines, and I noticed last night that Imani had put them in her bedroom drawer for some reason. Well, she decided to make an infomercial for the magazine today, and it is hilarious, especially if you know Imani. It is about 3 1/2 minutes long, and I don't even know how to edit it to be shorter. So feel free to stop it after a minute or so, but I'm sure you will agree with me on what a cutie pie my daughter is.

School support

Akila has had a great school year, by far her best yet. I am super happy about this, but I wish I could say the same about home. At home, each year gets worse. But I am very thankful that she is doing well at school. I do know that will more than likely change at some point. But I have to share something that may shock many of you, especially those of you who are parents of a child with special needs.

I got an email today from Akila's teacher requesting me to come next week and meet with her IEP team and the Special Ed Director. Sounds scary doesn't it? They want to meet to talk about the possibility of a para in the future for Akila. Should I say that again? The school has initiated this. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of the support and acceptance that we have gotten from our school. I know tons of parents who have had to fight tooth and nail to get support for their kids, and I have not hit any resistance.

I'm not sure if they are talking about next school year, the teacher mentioned trying to think ahead into middle school, which Akila is one school year away from (she will enter 5th grade next year). But I really appreciate opening up the discussion. Akila's behavior has not been too rough this year, but I think that academically, she is often pretty lost and this is the age where most FASD kids start to plummet as the curriculum gets more abstract. I am just tickled pink that I get to work with a school team that is proactive.

Personal "Recital" Assistant

We don't qualify for a Personal Care Attendant (PCA), and I desperately would like one. I have checked out all angles, and it would be cheaper for me to just hire a sitter to hang out with her when I need it, but can't really afford to do that very often. The dance recitals were this weekend at Dance Endeavors, the studio I work at that my friend owns, and the studio that Akila takes dance at. So Akila was dancing 4 dances in two of the three recitals.

The recital is just over three hours long, isn't that ridiculous??!!?! I have finally talked my friend Juli, the owner, into changing the recitals for next year so they aren't so long! Yahoo. Anyway, the dancers have to stay in a backstage class room the entire show. This is impossible for Akila, it is hard for most kids, but impossible for Akila. Normally, she comes out a thousand times and finds me at the ticket table where I am managing all the logistics (tickets, concessions, flower sales, volunteers, etc.). This drives me nuts as she is very demanding, and can't wait until I am done talking with a parent or customer. It looks really bad when she comes up and calls me a retard in front of a parent.

So this year, I hired my 14 year old neice Natalie who dances at a studio in Lakeville and has for many years. She knows Akila, and is experienced in recitals and the back stage stuff. She brought her make up kit and did Akila's make-up and just did a fabulous job with her. And it is hard work. Keeping up with Akila is seriously hard work, and at a dance recital, she is hyper to the max. Natalie was awesome and made the recital so much less stressful for me, and so much more enjoyable for Akila. Thanks Natalie, I love you!!

Here are some pictures, the first two are of Akila and Natalie, and there is a picture of Imani with Akila as well at the bottom:

After school rage

Akila walked in the door today in a huff. This morning, she woke me up at 6:15 and needed help on the computer. I usually wake my kids up at 7:15 to get ready for school. I went downstairs to help her, and Imani and Zeke were up. Akila had woke them up, don't know what time. Michael was in the shower, and when he got out he told me that he got up at 5:30 and Akila was already up. After they left for school, I went into Akila's room and found potato chips, and the mini DVD player. I think she had been up for quite awhile.

Normally, when she does this, she doesn't seem to be affected the next day. Today, she was. She walked in the door in a rage, and she was taking it out on Imani. I got Imani away from her, and could not get her to calm down. I was freaking out inside as tonight was the K-5 concert at school and all four kids were singing at it. I couldn't imagine Akila going, in the current state. I tried several angles to talk her down. No luck. Sent her to her room to calm down, which doesn't really work either, but I can't stand being around her for very long when she is like this. She was kicking and hitting me, and was totally out of control.

I wanted to try and give her some medication that the Dr. has said we can try in the late afternoon, Clonidine. She was refusing to take it. She was like this for quite awhile. I finally got out the camera and was trying to capture her rage and I am trying to upload it for you all to see a little taste of a rage. By the time I got the camera, her rage was not as severe. She had started to perseverate on wanting clear fingernail polish, which of course we don't have. We have every color under the sun, but the clear stuff we have has glitter in it and she wanted clear. What next.

The video is about 4 minutes long and you don't really see her much as I was trying to stay clear as to not get kicked. At one point, I'm not sure if you can tell when she is in her room and the door is closed, she is kicking the door. Also, all the stuff on the floor are things she has thrown at me (not that there isn't crap all over on the floor at our house). In the end, she is mad that the camera is on, which I guess I can't blame her for. I have the hardest time not going into the red zone with her when she acts like this. My natural instinct is to yell at her and get really stern, which only escalates her behaviors. Many people might watch this and say that I am being too appeasing. I say live with her for two weeks and then tell me what you think.

She did eventually take the medication, and it did seem to help her calm down. We made it to the concert, they all did really well, and we snuck out as soon as they were done singing, which is when Akila was starting to lose it. On the way to the car, she went nuts a little once again. She was calling us a new name; pompous morons. That made us laugh.

Thrift store bargains

Today, most thrift stores have a 50% off sale, and my favorite thrift store is Unique Thrift. I went early this morning by myself (I highly recommend against bringing kids to these sales, it is a zoo), and I hit pay dirt. My boys especially were in need of summer clothing, but I got some for the girls as well.

Here is what I got:

• 14 pairs of shorts
• 6 swim suits
• 14 shirts
• 4 pairs of shoes

All this for $95, which averages out to $2.50/item. Not too shabby. Then, we took the kids to lunch at Rocky Rococcos Pizza as I hadn't been there since college and we discovered one in Brooklyn Center. On the way home, we passed a ARC Value Village Thrift store and stopped in, with all 4 kids. I had a hard time finding shorts for my girls this morning as they are all too short, and I hate short shorts!! Akila loves them, Imani hates them.

The girls were with me going through the clothing racks, and I found a nice pair of jean shorts that were almost knee length, and had some cute decorations on them. I showed them to Akila, who didn't like them. I was about to try to talk her into them when Imani said, "I like them, can I have them?" This was enough for Akila to pounce on them and decide that she like them. Akila went on to look at a different rack, and Imani came up to me and whispered "you're welcome". I almost started laughing and crying a the same time.

Imani knows full well that Akila has horrible taste in clothing, as she always chooses "slutty" looking clothing. Imani almost goes overboard the opposite way. She has some athletic shorts, that are not too short, but aren't knee length, and she won't wear them because they are too short. For some reason, I once was going to argue with her on this. I caught myself and stopped, and said a little prayer of thanksgiving to God. How cool is that? Imani is helping me with Akila. She is one sharp little girl. I am very thankful for her.

Let the weekend begin

Tonight, I was in the back yard of my next door neighbors house, talking with her as Zeke, Hezekiah and Imani were running through her sprinkler(looked cold to me). Akila was in the house watching a movie, it was probably around 8:00, which is normally bedtime but we were staying up a little late due to the holiday weekend.

Akila came back to the yard yelling at me wondering why I wasn't coming when she was calling me. I had put a microwave popcorn in the microwave for her before I went outside. Evidently, it finished, and she wanted me to bring it to her in the family room. She yelled forever, which I did not hear, then she came outside to find me and yell at me. She of course walked right past the microwave. She normally makes the popcorn all by herself. As a matter of fact, she made scrambled eggs tonight all by herself, we weren't even in the kitchen and did not know she was making them. I like that! She is pretty good at it.

Anyway, she went ballistic. She was yelling and completely off her rocker as she wanted me to come inside and get the popcorn for her. I talked to her about how she could do that on her way through the kitchen to the family room, but she was far too over the top and couldn't process what I was saying. It was not pretty.

Eventually, I got her settled back with a movie and later I was back outside. Akila came outside and wanted to run in the sprinkler a bit and she did. Then she wanted to go inside and take a warm bath. I said good idea, you can go get it started, or ask dad to help you start it, or wait until I am done talking to Kathy and I will start it. This set her off. She wanted me to come inside and immediately obey her every command. She started pushing and getting violent. I eventually had to take hold of her arm to guide her into the house, as she was trying to bite me. I sent her upstairs and said to get ready for bed as she was done for the night. I went outside to get the other three kids to come in and get ready for bed.

Outside, I could hear Michael inside having it out with Akila. Summer is hear. All of our neighbors get to hear our fun episodes. We probably should invest the thousands it would cost to get air conditioning to avoid being reported to child protection. After Akila was in her bedroom, and all four kids were in bed, we sat in our room and listened to Akila spewing out hatred at the top of her lungs for a good ten minutes. Lots of name calling, a little swearing, and a lot of mean things. I told Michael that we should build a bedroom in the back of the family room so the poor kids don't have to hear her yelling horrible things. I also pointed out that it won't be too long before she is throwing the F-bomb and other inappropriate language around. The teenager years are going to be interesting. That is for sure.