Banana bread

I think that after just two weeks, Akila's new med already needs an adjustment. The Dr. said this might be the case. She has been a bit more explosive the last 4 days or so, but still nothing like a few weeks ago.

Right now, she was watching Sid the Science Kid on PBS. Sid must have been making banana bread. Akila wants some. Now. We don't have any bananas right now. She is throwing quite a fit about it. Several things are broken, and I am bummed we are starting the first day of spring break off like this. I should have known better.

I could run to the store right now and get some bananas, but I don't want to. I don't want to get everyone dressed to make the trip. Our two neighbors slept over last night and the other three kids are all playing nicely with them. I told Akila we would get some bananas later today. She wants them now, did I mention that?

I finally got her distracted after 25 minutes of perseverating on the bananas. That doesn't sound long, but it truly is. Trust me.

On a side note- Sid the Science Kid is a pretty cool show. But I don't like it. He is always doing these really cool science experiments and things the kids can try at home. Akila has thrown many a fit over the show and wanting to do one of the projects. If we don't have all of the items necessary, or if we don't have the time to do the project right away when she has watched it, she goes ballistic. What a great show for neuro-typical kids.

Angel Food Ministries and coupons

We have been trying to cut down on our grocery bill the last 6 months or so and I have found several websites and programs that have been very helpful.

One program that I used today for the first time, is Angel Food Ministries. It is a ministry that is dedicated to providing food relief and financial support to communities throughout the US. It is not an income qualified program, it is open to everyone. For $30/month, you can purchase a box of food and here is a sample menu:

• 4 lb. IQF Leg Quarters
• 4 oz. Beef Back Ribs
• 1 lb. 80/20 Lean Ground Beef
• 2 lb. Breaded Chicken Tenders
• 1.5 lb. Bone in Pork Chops (4 x 6oz.)
• 1 lb. Ground Turkey
• 18 oz. Stuffed Manicotti (Cheese)
• 12 oz. Smoked Sausage
• Betty Crocker Seasoned Potatoes
• 7 oz. Cheeseburger Dinner
• 16 oz. Green Beans
• 16 oz. Baby Carrots
• 2 lb. Onions
• 1 lb. Pinto Beans
• 1 lb. Rice
• 7 oz. Blueberry Muffin Mix
• 10 ct. Homestyle Waffles
• Dessert Item

You can purchase as many boxes as you would like, and they have other options, such as meat boxes, fresh fruit and veggies, etc. I picked up our box today from a church in Minneapolis and it was very slick. I ordered it probably 3 weeks ago. What a great program!! They have many locations around the country, and several in Minnesota.

Also, I have been using the website, PocketYourDollars. It is a site where a metro woman takes all the main ads from each Sunday, Cub, Rainbow, Walmart, Target, CVS, etc. She scours the ads for what are good prices (and she knows her stuff), and she then links coupons to each sale price.

I have been getting a lot of stuff for free, things we use and need. She says that she never pays for toothpaste or deodorant anymore. She never pays more than $1 for a box of cereal, and I am talking about name brand cereal. I have gotten lots of cereal for .50 or less. For our family of 6 grocery bill has been under $75 most weeks since I started using these resources, some weeks under $50.

If any of you do start to use the pocket your dollars website, let me know and I can give you a few tips that would have been helpful to me when I started. It can seem a little overwhelming at the beginning, but it really is pretty easy and worth the savings.

Scared to blog

I have been scared to blog this week about this new medication and the effect it has had on Akila. I am just floored at how calm our week has been.

She has been on it for 2 weeks, and I have not had to restrain her once. She has not hit or kicked me or him even once, a huge change. She has been better at school, and her attitude at home has been much better. We still have our issues, but she is not turning every piddly issue into a major meltdown.

I am not dreading spring break next week like I usually do. I am actually looking forward to it. I have been planning on going over a book series on sex and puberty with the girls at the beginning of the break. I like to do this when there is distance between when Akila hears the info and when she goes to school. She is less likely to be completely obsessed with it and telling everyone about it.

We just got a note from the school, and the school nurse is planning on doing a lesson on puberty on Friday- they are smart also, doing it on the last day before spring break. It is time, I know there has been some really goofy conversations on the bus about sex lately. I will spare you the details, but lets just say that the kids on the bus are not explaining things properly to my kids.

Akila woke me up this morning to tell me that she made dad cry because she was being so good. I was happy to hear this, but I really wish she had not woken me up to tell me. He said that when she got up, she asked to take her medicine. Usually, this is a huge fight, to get her to take her medicine. It has not been so the last week or so. But she has never asked to take it. He said he did actually get emotional.

Michael and I are both being very cautious, it is like we don't trust this good behavior. Do not get me wrong, we are so appreciative and enjoying it to the fullest, it just seems too good to be true. Since starting this new medication, we have not had one rage and very little swearing. This doesn't mean at all that she is acting like our neuro-typical kids. There are still issues. But they are minuscule compared to the rages of a few weeks ago. Compared to the explosions over the word no no matter how it is masqueraded.

She is actually playing Uno right now with Zeke, and it is going well (so far). I am amazed and so thankful for this really good week, and praying that it continues. It is amazing how much a few calm days affects my attitude. I have felt so much more peaceful and content today. I guess that it is pretty normal to feel on the edge when living in constant conflict.


Look at what my awesome husband got me today for my make-up. I am so excited to not have to hide my make-up in a new spot all the time and forgetting where it is.

Good day

After an emotional night, we went and had some fun today. Michael took the day off, we went out to lunch where we could watch the Gophers lose, and then we went to the health club where we swam forever and then played basketball. Picked up pizza on the way home. No cooking for me, sounds good.

It has been kind of hard to explain cremation to the kids, the idea of burning Hibeam does not seem good to them. It is kind of hard to get.

Imani was wearing Hibeam's collar and dog tags last night, and it was freaking me out. Every time she was moving around in a room, I thought it was Hibeam. Akila brought Hibeam's leash to bed with her and was trying to get a response out of Michael and I. It is kind of like she doesn't have many emotions, at least not some that she is figuring out how to handle, so she is copying others.

I do think the new med is helping, she has been really good this week, and just has such a more positive demeanor. She seems happy, instead of constantly angry.

Goodbye Hibeam

Our 10 month old puppy had to be put down today. We are all very sad. I don't think I have written much about him, as I was kind of in denial.

We have had aggression issues with him since the beginning. We got him on the 4th of July, and started a training class with him in August. The trainer noticed it right away and thought he might have neuro problems. I could not believe it. Seriously, a dog with neuro problems. You've got to be kidding me.

We worked hard, went to training, had some individual training with him, but he would not stop going "kujo" on us from time to time. It usually was when he had some type of food possession, a rawhide, a loaf of bread he had just stole off the counter, etc. If you got near him, he would attack you. Not bite you, attack. We thought we could maybe train it out of him. We could not.

A few weeks ago, Michael and I both agreed we would need to find a new family for him, one without kids. We were slowly going trying to figure out how to go about this, when he got sick this week. He has been throwing up (everywhere), for three days. This morning, I brought him to the vet. The vet was looking at his mouth, and Hibeam attacked and bit the vet. He has never done this, when he is not possessing something.

We put a muzzle on him, and the vet was trying to feel his tummy to see if he could tell if there was a blockage. Hibeam has ate no less than 15 socks over his short life. He often threw them up, and re-ate them, or pooped them out. You would think we could keep socks away from him, but the kids could never figure this one out. Anyway, even with a muzzle on, Hibeam was attacking the vet. He obviously wasn't biting him, but was very crazy.

The vet could not do an exam of the dog. We talked options. If he needed surgery, the vet was concerned about aftercare. The clinic/hospital could not do it due to his aggression, and we would have to force feed him some oral meds with no food for 2 or 3 days. That would not work. The vet said he would not let the dog near the kids while he is sick, due to his aggression. He weighs 50 pounds. The vet mentioned that a dog this size could do serious harm.

There would be no way to keep Akila away from the dog. We did not feel comfortable finding a new home for him, even without kids the way he attacked the vet, so Michael and I decided to have him put down. It was a really long, hard day.

The kids got home from school, we all sat down in the living room, and Michael broke the news. They did not believe us, they thought it was a joke. They ran to find him. When they saw me crying, they knew it was real. Imani took it the hardest, which we expected.

She has wanted a dog as long as I can remember. The boys both started crying also. Akila looked at all of us crying, and tried to kind of fake cry. She did have a tear run down her face, but that was it. She was more watching us all to see how she should react. Then she disappeared. I went to check, she was on the computer looking for a new dog.

When she was done on the computer, she got into me email, and emailed my brother that Hibeam died. She then went outside, and door to door to tell neighbors. She then came home to call everyone we know. Sorry if you got a call. She has told random people walking by our house.

When I think about her age being between 4-5 years old, it makes sense (she is 10 chronologically). This is similar to how the kids acted when my mom died 5 years ago. Developmentally, they weren't old enough to really react in a deep way. All I know, is that I am ready for a new day. This one stinks.

Hope

Today is the last school day of the week. The kids just left for school, and we finished up 9 school days in a row of no morning issues with Akila. Praise the Lord!

Yesterday, I picked her up from school and she was in a fabulous mood. I could not help but think of what a change it is from just 2 or 3 weeks ago, when she had an angry look on her face before she even got in the van and was horribly crabby each day when I picked her up. I drove her to my friend Juli's house who brings her with to dance class. She stood in the driveway with a huge smile waving goodbye and yelling that she loves me. I turned the corner, pulled over and texted Juli that Akila was in a really good mood and told her not to ruin it!

Juli said that she was talkative and good at her house. She usually just stands around quietly, picks her skin, or tries to steal stuff (even before the last medication we tried that was a disaster). During dance, the teenager I hired, Laura, started working with Akila. Everyone said it was a huge success- Juli said it made a major difference.

I picked her up from dance, she was still smiling and happy. At home she was in a good mood, and went to bed just fine. Now, we may just be on a good cycle, she may have just had a particularly good day (which she has from time to time), but I am truly hoping it is this new medication, Risperdal. She started on it on Saturday and it is something you start out the first week with a lower dose, and work up.

Don't get me wrong, I know last night will not be every night. I know that meds do not make things that much better. But if it has some type of impact on her and makes her moods a little better, I will be so grateful. She deserves it, not to mention the rest of the family. I was talking to her about how much fun she was having because she was in a good mood. She agreed. I am not even dreading the day off from school tomorrow like I often do.

Maybe Akila just had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I know I was in a good mood yesterday with the sun shining and warm temps. :-)

School conferences

We had conferences tonight, and we had mostly really good news. I will start with reports on the youngest and move up.

Zeke, 1st grade- is reading at end of 2nd grade level, doing great. Great kid to have in class. Is going to get more challenging spelling words.
Hezekiah, 2nd grade- getting too chatty and not living up to his potential, went down in math. But is still really high and doing well, just some areas to work on.
Imani, 4th grade- super star report. Imani has always been a very average student and has never been a very strong reader. Well, in all the testing, she has shot up and is doing great in all areas. She is a fantastic student, and for the third year in a row, we hear a teacher say they want to clone her. Me too. :)
Akila-5th grade- on all of her testing, she has also gone up and is closing the gap. This was so great to hear and is truly a testament to her paraprofessional's hard work. I have noticed that the school work Akila is bringing home, is filled out and makes sense. This never happened in the past. The aide (I would use her name but don't have permission, so I will refer to her as the aide) helps to keep Akila focused in class, and helps to complete her work. She often takes Akila into the hallway to work on a project after the teacher has given instructions. She is fabulous and I can't tell you how much I hope she works with Akila next year.

Michael was prepared tonight and wrote jokes out on little note cards and put them in all the kids desks. He did this last October and they loved it. It was a nice night and was fun to hear that ALL of our kids are doing well in school.

A gift

One of the gifts that the Lord gave to Michael, is the gift to teach. He is great at doing homework with the kids, explaining detailed steps. He taught me how to drive stick shift and nobody else had been able. Most wives have a hard time learning something like this from their husbands, as you can often feel like you're being yelled at. But Michael is good at this stuff.

I told Michael how I was frustrated last week with the kids lying. Imani had told me that she had brushed her teeth and I knew she had not. When I confronted her on this, she admitted it and I talked with her about lying and the impact it has on others. She did not really get it.

On Sunday evening, Michael had the whole family come into the dining room with their bibles. He had 8 paper plates on the table upside down and a jar of quarters. He told the kids there was money under one of the plates and asked them what question they would ask mom and dad to find out which plate the money was under. Imani said she would ask which plate the money is under. He said right. They would take turns asking mom or dad which plate it was under. They left the room, we put the money under a plate and they came back.

I was to always give them the right answer, Michael would always give the wrong answer. After just 3 or 4 turns, they realized to only ask me. They were all accusing Michael of lying and said they did not trust him. We then had a discussion about lying, and how it affects your trust. He then gave each child a notecard with a bible verse on it and they each looked one up and read it out loud. We then discussed lying further and prayed about it. It was great.

When we went upstairs to go to bed, Imani seemed burdened. She asked me if there was an old lie, and they told the truth now, would there be a consequence. We had talked at length about if it is better to tell the truth and get a consequence, or to lie and not get an immediate consequence. I told her it all depended. She started to cry and we went into her bedroom. Last week, Akila had said that one day on the bus, Imani had been asking another questions about sex that were innappropriate and Imani denied it. I could tell she had been lying.

Well, this is what she wanted to confess. I had her tell me what they had talked about, and I then corrected the answers she had been given on the bus and told her she could ask me these kind of questions anytime, as long as she got me alone first. I forgave her and we prayed again. It was beautiful.

I think Michael is planning on doing something like this each week, and I am really glad!!!! I have a list of topics to request including obedience, attitude and work ethic.

I sometimes wonder

I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if all 4 of my kids had brain issues. I sometimes worry so much about the other 3 kids and what impact Akila's behaviors may be having on them. We try really hard to give them some kind of normalcy in their lives, but the truth is that their lives are anything but "normal".

I pray that the Lord will bring them through their childhood and make them stronger and more compassionate through living with Akila and her FASD behaviors. I pray that they do not grow up and resent Michael and I and wish that we had done too many things differently. We do a lot of things to try and give them some specialized attention, here are a few:

• Date nights with just one kid, twice a year for each kid (including Akila)
• Michael brings one kid out to breakfast often on Saturdays
• My friend Angie takes Akila out every other Monday night so we can have time to focus on the other kids
• I try to get some friends to take Akila for a weekend once in awhile, although it only happened once last year (thanks Lori and Curt!). This is mainly the only time my kids can have friends over for a sleepover or play date (if Akila is home, it is all out war, even if she has a friend over too)
  

Does anyone have any other ideas of things that they do?

Michael and I need to be better at making sure we have time together. It is getting more difficult to have babysitters over and this is hard for us. In the past (meaning just 6 months ago), we usually averaged a date between just the two of us, every 4-6 weeks. It has been much less often lately. Need to change this. Michael's brother Dan, and his wife Tara, usually take all our kids twice a year for an overnight, which is awesome. They did in October, and I remember still sleeping until 10 am and being shocked when I woke up.

We are wanting to take the kids to California on a vacation (we have only had one real family vacation and it was when the kids were 6 months, 1,2 & 3 so it doesn't count-we had to go to Florida to finalize Zeke's adoption). Michael is really nervous to travel with Akila and is nervous that she will ruin the vacation for everyone. I understand where he is coming from, but I think we could make it work. I would like to bring an extra person with to kind of be Akila's PCA. They could have the majority of the daytime hours off to themselves while she is medicated, and then help us out in the evening hours. It would work.

Akila has had 7 really good mornings in a row now, and I am so thankful for that. But it is amazing how one little thing can ruin that. As the kids were getting coats and backpacks on this morning, I was letting them know that I would be picking them up. Hezekiah asked if I meant Akila too (silly question since the reason I am picking up is because of her). I said yes and he got a silly face and did a double thumbs down, right in front of her. Well this set her off, and getting her out the door was not as smooth as I had hoped.

I of course got down on Hezekiah and said thanks so much for the help. After they left, I sat down and prayed for forgiveness and will ask Hezekiah for forgiveness after school. I get mad at him or one of the other kids, expecting them to act like an adult and to think ahead as to how their behavior will affect Akila. But the truth is that they are kids. They are somewhat "normal" kids, and I know that our family dynamics are hard on them. I wonder if it would be so hard if they all had more issues. I do wonder. But I also know, that it would be extremely nutty around here if they did. The Lord made them all 4 perfect in His eyes.