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Thursday, June 21, 2012
Disability Training date
I guess a date would be helpful. Friday, July 20 from 8:30-12:30. The training is open to anyone.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Developmental Disabilities Training
My friend Jerrod has a great training coming up in July through the AIAFS, it is called the Forensic Assessment of Developmental Disabilities. Don't let the title scare you, these two trainers are FASD experts!
Natalie Brown is a licensed psychologist in Washington State and Florida who specializes in forensic evaluation of individuals with developmental disabilities (e.g., fetal alcohol spectrum disorders) and sex offenders. Dr. Brown is the founding Program Director of FASD Experts (www.FASDExperts.com),
a multidisciplinary group of professionals that conducts forensic FASD evaluations throughout the US. She is a faculty member in the Department of Medicine at the University of Washington, where she consults with the Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit on secondary disabilities and conducts research on suggestibility and FASD. Dr. Brown has published numerous articles and book chapters on FASD and conducted trainings for criminal justice and mental health professionals nationally and internationally.
Paul Connor, PhD, is a neuropsychologist specializing in the assessment of adults with developmental disabilities such as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). He is a Clinical Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences’ Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit (FADU) at the University of Washington and maintains a clinical and forensic private practice. He has authored or co-authored over 14 peer-reviewed manuscripts and three book chapters focusing on neuropsychological, neuroimaging, and psychiatric implications of the long term effects of prenatal alcohol exposure into adolescence and adulthood.
Training Description
This training course will focus on forensic assessment of developmental disabilities. This course will also include information on challenges in diagnosis and how to overcome those problems. Participants can expect to learn about the kinds of testing necessary in diagnosing a developmental disability and how to interpret and apply test scores to diagnosis in a forensic setting. Attendees will learn how a neuropsychological evaluation can be successfully utilized to identify developmental disabilities, as well as provide data critical for applying and obtaining services. This course will also address how neuropsychological testing can provide objective data about adaptive functioning, addressing concerns about potential bias from informants who are interviewed about the client’s day-to-day functioning.
Training Objectives
1.Understand the importance of standardized assessment in forensic assessment of Developmental Disabilities.
2.Learn how test results inform forensic opinion.
3.Understand the importance of treatment "planning" in forensic assessment.
4.Determine the referral issues that will guide forensic assessment and testing.
5.Learn how to present large amounts of complex testing data in a fashion that allows for easier understanding.
6.Understand how to confirm potentially biased adaptive functioning reports with objective testing.
If you are interested in attending, email me and I will email you the registration form. The cost is $55 and it will be held at a Holiday Inn in St. Paul. I am planning on attending!
Natalie Brown is a licensed psychologist in Washington State and Florida who specializes in forensic evaluation of individuals with developmental disabilities (e.g., fetal alcohol spectrum disorders) and sex offenders. Dr. Brown is the founding Program Director of FASD Experts (www.FASDExperts.com),
a multidisciplinary group of professionals that conducts forensic FASD evaluations throughout the US. She is a faculty member in the Department of Medicine at the University of Washington, where she consults with the Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit on secondary disabilities and conducts research on suggestibility and FASD. Dr. Brown has published numerous articles and book chapters on FASD and conducted trainings for criminal justice and mental health professionals nationally and internationally.
Paul Connor, PhD, is a neuropsychologist specializing in the assessment of adults with developmental disabilities such as Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). He is a Clinical Assistant Professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences’ Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit (FADU) at the University of Washington and maintains a clinical and forensic private practice. He has authored or co-authored over 14 peer-reviewed manuscripts and three book chapters focusing on neuropsychological, neuroimaging, and psychiatric implications of the long term effects of prenatal alcohol exposure into adolescence and adulthood.
Training Description
This training course will focus on forensic assessment of developmental disabilities. This course will also include information on challenges in diagnosis and how to overcome those problems. Participants can expect to learn about the kinds of testing necessary in diagnosing a developmental disability and how to interpret and apply test scores to diagnosis in a forensic setting. Attendees will learn how a neuropsychological evaluation can be successfully utilized to identify developmental disabilities, as well as provide data critical for applying and obtaining services. This course will also address how neuropsychological testing can provide objective data about adaptive functioning, addressing concerns about potential bias from informants who are interviewed about the client’s day-to-day functioning.
Training Objectives
1.Understand the importance of standardized assessment in forensic assessment of Developmental Disabilities.
2.Learn how test results inform forensic opinion.
3.Understand the importance of treatment "planning" in forensic assessment.
4.Determine the referral issues that will guide forensic assessment and testing.
5.Learn how to present large amounts of complex testing data in a fashion that allows for easier understanding.
6.Understand how to confirm potentially biased adaptive functioning reports with objective testing.
If you are interested in attending, email me and I will email you the registration form. The cost is $55 and it will be held at a Holiday Inn in St. Paul. I am planning on attending!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Decompressing & scratching
I think that our entire family has been in decompression mode for the past nearly 3 months since Akila left for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC). The end of May and first week of June got out of control busy for me and that was crazy. This is the first week of summer vacation, and we are enjoying it so far!
The kids have all had friends sleep over and have been playing like mad. The cleaning and projects are going to have to start up soon. I have also been working on getting more healthy (I started a few weeks before Akila left) and have been spending 1-2 hours exercising each day. Also have been charting my calorie intake and exercise intake on a program called myfitnesspal which I highly recommend. It is basically like Facebook for people trying to lose weight. You log your food, your exercise, and encourage your friends. It is great, let me know if you want to try it and we can be fitnesspal friends!
As I try to earn more calories to eat each day, I have been going for a lot of bike rides. I rode my bike to Children's Hospital yesterday for a meeting, 10 miles each way. Very doable, and I burned over 800 calories, works great! I have lost 22 lbs so far, and have another 20 to go, but it feels great.
I have been meaning to blog about our visit with Akila, but I need our other computer where the pictures are and the kids are on it every time I think of blogging. So I will someday. Our visit went very well, and she is coming home next Tuesday for a 4 hour visit.
She called me on Tuesday from her therapist's office. This is only the 3rd time she has called us, as we call her at least every other day. We had a great chat, and at the end I asked her what she has been working on with the therapist. She started to mumble. I asked her to repeat her phrase several times. I thought I was hearing the word "farming". I thought maybe they were going to a farm this summer and learning some ag stuff. Then she clarified, she was saying "harming" myself.
I have known for years it is only a matter of time before Akila starts to cut. Cutting is all the rage these days with kids and teens who are emotionally struggling, and Akila is the type that will do it if it is something she thinks is cool or will make her look cool to a certain group. She also somewhat likes the sensation of pain, demonstrated with her love of shots. This is the girl who likes shots and smiles while she receives them. Seriously. I also am aware of the fact that Akila is going to pick up some behaviors at this RTC that she did not know of before. She has never really heard of cutting before. So I have been expecting cutting.
I asked her how she was harming herself. She said she was scratching her arms. I asked her who she saw doing this. She said no one. I asked her who else was doing this and she said "I don't know". I didn't make a big deal out of it, and we were done shortly after with our phone call.
About 10 minutes later, the therapist called me to follow up on what she heard Akila telling me. She said she got a peculiar note from Akila that day, the first of it's kind. That's Akila, she likes to be the first. It was from Akila, and it said that she wanted to be put on "precaution". This means that you are watched more closely, for self injurious behaviors. Your door has to always remain open, they take away shoe laces, spiral notebooks, things that you could harm yourself with. One of the girls Akila has connected with was put on precaution the previous evening.
The therapist said that if Akila did "scratch" her arm, she did it so lightly that it was not noticeable at all. I knew from Akila's word choice, "scratching" instead of "cutting", that she didn't fully understand it and that it was an attention seeking thing for sure. The therapist and I agreed on this. For the most part, Akila isn't sophisticated enough or mature enough to really figure it out at this point.
She continues to love it at the RTC, and is still doing well. She did have an incident where she pushed a girl a few weeks ago, and last week hit a girl. That is the most aggression she has had. I do pray that her scratching does not escalate to cutting, but I am prepared for it if and when I get that call.
The kids have all had friends sleep over and have been playing like mad. The cleaning and projects are going to have to start up soon. I have also been working on getting more healthy (I started a few weeks before Akila left) and have been spending 1-2 hours exercising each day. Also have been charting my calorie intake and exercise intake on a program called myfitnesspal which I highly recommend. It is basically like Facebook for people trying to lose weight. You log your food, your exercise, and encourage your friends. It is great, let me know if you want to try it and we can be fitnesspal friends!
As I try to earn more calories to eat each day, I have been going for a lot of bike rides. I rode my bike to Children's Hospital yesterday for a meeting, 10 miles each way. Very doable, and I burned over 800 calories, works great! I have lost 22 lbs so far, and have another 20 to go, but it feels great.
I have been meaning to blog about our visit with Akila, but I need our other computer where the pictures are and the kids are on it every time I think of blogging. So I will someday. Our visit went very well, and she is coming home next Tuesday for a 4 hour visit.
She called me on Tuesday from her therapist's office. This is only the 3rd time she has called us, as we call her at least every other day. We had a great chat, and at the end I asked her what she has been working on with the therapist. She started to mumble. I asked her to repeat her phrase several times. I thought I was hearing the word "farming". I thought maybe they were going to a farm this summer and learning some ag stuff. Then she clarified, she was saying "harming" myself.
I have known for years it is only a matter of time before Akila starts to cut. Cutting is all the rage these days with kids and teens who are emotionally struggling, and Akila is the type that will do it if it is something she thinks is cool or will make her look cool to a certain group. She also somewhat likes the sensation of pain, demonstrated with her love of shots. This is the girl who likes shots and smiles while she receives them. Seriously. I also am aware of the fact that Akila is going to pick up some behaviors at this RTC that she did not know of before. She has never really heard of cutting before. So I have been expecting cutting.
I asked her how she was harming herself. She said she was scratching her arms. I asked her who she saw doing this. She said no one. I asked her who else was doing this and she said "I don't know". I didn't make a big deal out of it, and we were done shortly after with our phone call.
About 10 minutes later, the therapist called me to follow up on what she heard Akila telling me. She said she got a peculiar note from Akila that day, the first of it's kind. That's Akila, she likes to be the first. It was from Akila, and it said that she wanted to be put on "precaution". This means that you are watched more closely, for self injurious behaviors. Your door has to always remain open, they take away shoe laces, spiral notebooks, things that you could harm yourself with. One of the girls Akila has connected with was put on precaution the previous evening.
The therapist said that if Akila did "scratch" her arm, she did it so lightly that it was not noticeable at all. I knew from Akila's word choice, "scratching" instead of "cutting", that she didn't fully understand it and that it was an attention seeking thing for sure. The therapist and I agreed on this. For the most part, Akila isn't sophisticated enough or mature enough to really figure it out at this point.
She continues to love it at the RTC, and is still doing well. She did have an incident where she pushed a girl a few weeks ago, and last week hit a girl. That is the most aggression she has had. I do pray that her scratching does not escalate to cutting, but I am prepared for it if and when I get that call.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Swampola-ed
I have been swamped. Last week, I did one FASD training for a group of school social workers and two panel speaking events, on top of a zillion other meetings and appointments. It was a busy week. This week, I am doing a LEAN event at Children's Hospital Monday-Friday, 8-4 each day. It has been a crazy couple of weeks. For the training I did last week, I had to put a good amount of hours into developing the PowerPoint, and I lost an entire afternoon/evening to a migraine (first one I have had in a year- not bad!). Oh yeah, and the dance recitals are next weekend, so my dance work is in full swing.
We are going to visit Akila this weekend, just a day visit, not staying overnight. I am looking forward to it. She has been there 8 weeks, and she absolutely loves it, still. I even said to her on the phone last week, "So Akila, are you liking it there?" She said yes immediately and I asked if she was having fun. She said yes again. And when she says yes, it is full of enthusiasm. Not once has she asked to come home, or complained about anything there.
Her case manager says she is one of the better girls they have, which is great. It honestly has made my emotional roller coaster a more smooth ride, knowing that she is not mad, or struggling with this placement. It also has not made me feel bad that she doesn't miss home, or want to come home. It has only reiterated to me that she has significant brain damage. No typical child would want to be where she is, or would actually enjoy it.
What this has shown me, is that this is the exact kind of structure she needs. I remember Bonnie Buxton talking in her book, Damaged Angels, about how well her daughter did in a placement that had a ton of structure, I think it was a farm or something like that. But she could only stay there a year or just over and after she left, went downhill right away. When Akila was in the crisis home last fall, she still struggled even with the level of structure that they had, which is very similar to a group home. She still raged. At this Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she has not been violent or raged once. She has had plenty of verbal issues, but no raging.
I am so curious to see if this will continue, or if she is just on an extended honeymoon phase. Meanwhile, I am swamped. Can't tell you how relieved I am to not have to deal with raging during this really busy few weeks. I am swampola-ed.
We are going to visit Akila this weekend, just a day visit, not staying overnight. I am looking forward to it. She has been there 8 weeks, and she absolutely loves it, still. I even said to her on the phone last week, "So Akila, are you liking it there?" She said yes immediately and I asked if she was having fun. She said yes again. And when she says yes, it is full of enthusiasm. Not once has she asked to come home, or complained about anything there.
Her case manager says she is one of the better girls they have, which is great. It honestly has made my emotional roller coaster a more smooth ride, knowing that she is not mad, or struggling with this placement. It also has not made me feel bad that she doesn't miss home, or want to come home. It has only reiterated to me that she has significant brain damage. No typical child would want to be where she is, or would actually enjoy it.
What this has shown me, is that this is the exact kind of structure she needs. I remember Bonnie Buxton talking in her book, Damaged Angels, about how well her daughter did in a placement that had a ton of structure, I think it was a farm or something like that. But she could only stay there a year or just over and after she left, went downhill right away. When Akila was in the crisis home last fall, she still struggled even with the level of structure that they had, which is very similar to a group home. She still raged. At this Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she has not been violent or raged once. She has had plenty of verbal issues, but no raging.
I am so curious to see if this will continue, or if she is just on an extended honeymoon phase. Meanwhile, I am swamped. Can't tell you how relieved I am to not have to deal with raging during this really busy few weeks. I am swampola-ed.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Not again
My heart is breaking for my 3 kids at home right now. They have been enjoying being able to play outside in the neighborhood without a ton of drama from Akila. They have played outside all afternoon each nice day until bedtime, except for homework time and meal breaks. But things have changed slightly, again.
I have written many times about our next door neighbors. There is a girl with FAS who is fairly low functioning, she has now turned 18. She left the home last April after one of many episodes over the years, which included my kids. Imani had been outside playing with this girl and her younger sister. The younger sister got jealous, and the two sisters started arguing. The older sister got mad and went into a rage. I ended up having to help, it was a very ugly situation. I had a TV thrown at me, she tried to attack her sister as I was chasing her, it was not pretty. The police were called, and she went to the hospital. It was at least her 20th time at the hospital that I knew of.
Shortly after that, she went into a crisis home. The county has been struggling to find the right group home placement for her, she is very hard to staff. She was in the crisis home for over 6 months, as they tried to find something. Then she had an incident on the school bus which landed her in the hospital again, without the possibility of her going back to the crisis home. She moved home two weeks ago.
Imani told me several weeks ago, right after Akila left, that the younger sister said the older sister was going to move back home. Imani said she was nervous about this, and made a comment about how hard it is, now that we finally have some peace at home, and that now she would have to face this stress.
The sister came home, but she has a lot of services. She is receiving staffing through the State Operated Services program of the state of MN, which is evidently what is used for the extremely difficult. She has a minimum of 2 staff working with her at all times, even overnight.
The challenge is, that when Imani plays with her once, the girl gets obsessed with playing with her and expects to every day. I recommended to Imani that she did not play with her, to not set up an expectation. Supposedly, next month her group home will be ready. Well, this didn't work. Imani and the kids played with her two days ago. After awhile, she told her she had homework (she did not), and came in for the night saying that the girl was getting really bossy. I know, I should be proud of her and happy about that she played with her, but I know the girl too well.
We were at Imani's volleyball game yesterday, and when we were coming home, the girl was in our front yard waiting to play. Imani and the boys did not want to play, and begged me to park in the back of the house so they could avoid her. I did. But once in the house, they were dying to go outside and play. They did, and after awhile, they came running inside saying the girl had a angry look on her face. They stayed in the rest of the night.
I know that she should be moving next month, but I also know how things get delayed. I am just sad for my kids who were starting to be able to recover, and play freely. I have thought about talking to the next door mom and seeing if the staff could put a limit on her time when she plays. It is one of those things where if they let her play for 30 minutes, it would work. It is after this amount of time that it always goes south and she ends up freaking out. But I know her well enough, to know that for them to try to get her to stop and do something else after 30 minutes, would probably not work. She gets stuck really easily, and it is her way or the highway, which I know all too well.
I have written many times about our next door neighbors. There is a girl with FAS who is fairly low functioning, she has now turned 18. She left the home last April after one of many episodes over the years, which included my kids. Imani had been outside playing with this girl and her younger sister. The younger sister got jealous, and the two sisters started arguing. The older sister got mad and went into a rage. I ended up having to help, it was a very ugly situation. I had a TV thrown at me, she tried to attack her sister as I was chasing her, it was not pretty. The police were called, and she went to the hospital. It was at least her 20th time at the hospital that I knew of.
Shortly after that, she went into a crisis home. The county has been struggling to find the right group home placement for her, she is very hard to staff. She was in the crisis home for over 6 months, as they tried to find something. Then she had an incident on the school bus which landed her in the hospital again, without the possibility of her going back to the crisis home. She moved home two weeks ago.
Imani told me several weeks ago, right after Akila left, that the younger sister said the older sister was going to move back home. Imani said she was nervous about this, and made a comment about how hard it is, now that we finally have some peace at home, and that now she would have to face this stress.
The sister came home, but she has a lot of services. She is receiving staffing through the State Operated Services program of the state of MN, which is evidently what is used for the extremely difficult. She has a minimum of 2 staff working with her at all times, even overnight.
The challenge is, that when Imani plays with her once, the girl gets obsessed with playing with her and expects to every day. I recommended to Imani that she did not play with her, to not set up an expectation. Supposedly, next month her group home will be ready. Well, this didn't work. Imani and the kids played with her two days ago. After awhile, she told her she had homework (she did not), and came in for the night saying that the girl was getting really bossy. I know, I should be proud of her and happy about that she played with her, but I know the girl too well.
We were at Imani's volleyball game yesterday, and when we were coming home, the girl was in our front yard waiting to play. Imani and the boys did not want to play, and begged me to park in the back of the house so they could avoid her. I did. But once in the house, they were dying to go outside and play. They did, and after awhile, they came running inside saying the girl had a angry look on her face. They stayed in the rest of the night.
I know that she should be moving next month, but I also know how things get delayed. I am just sad for my kids who were starting to be able to recover, and play freely. I have thought about talking to the next door mom and seeing if the staff could put a limit on her time when she plays. It is one of those things where if they let her play for 30 minutes, it would work. It is after this amount of time that it always goes south and she ends up freaking out. But I know her well enough, to know that for them to try to get her to stop and do something else after 30 minutes, would probably not work. She gets stuck really easily, and it is her way or the highway, which I know all too well.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Panels
I have been on a couple of parent panels at different conferences over the past few weeks. Well, last week wasn't a parent panel, but I was the parent on the panel at a child welfare conference. I get am on a panel in a few weeks at a church also. I like panels. Not a lot of prep work. :-)
Usually after a panel, one or two people come up to chat or ask questions. At one of the panels, an adoptive father came up to me. He wanted my blog info and started to tell me about his son. His son is not diagnosed with FASD, but the signs all point in that direction. The adoption was through the county they live in, and it does not sound like the county was forthright with info nor have they been super helpful.
I saw tears in this mans eyes, and I can't forget them. He obviously loves his son, and is struggling. I wish I lived closer and could offer more support. I did email him today with a training that is coming up and is not too far from where he lives. But I remember the loneliness I felt in this journey before I started going to trainings and meeting other parents with similar struggles. I remember the loneliness I felt before my husband really truly started to understand the struggles that lied ahead of us. I remember the loneliness I felt before I started blogging and met all of you.
My heart is going out to this man and his family. They have been added to my daily prayer list. As have the several other families who have emailed me in the last 3 weeks or so (I think I have heard from 5 separate families that I have never met before- met on the blog that is). There are so many of us who are struggling. Some are more isolated than others.
Are you feeling isolated today? Lonely? You are not alone. I could not imagine going through this journey without my personal relationship with Christ. I lay my sorrows at his feet each day, and my joys. But I also need all of you. I am not alone. You are not alone. Thanks for being there for me. Let me know if you need me as well.
Usually after a panel, one or two people come up to chat or ask questions. At one of the panels, an adoptive father came up to me. He wanted my blog info and started to tell me about his son. His son is not diagnosed with FASD, but the signs all point in that direction. The adoption was through the county they live in, and it does not sound like the county was forthright with info nor have they been super helpful.
I saw tears in this mans eyes, and I can't forget them. He obviously loves his son, and is struggling. I wish I lived closer and could offer more support. I did email him today with a training that is coming up and is not too far from where he lives. But I remember the loneliness I felt in this journey before I started going to trainings and meeting other parents with similar struggles. I remember the loneliness I felt before my husband really truly started to understand the struggles that lied ahead of us. I remember the loneliness I felt before I started blogging and met all of you.
My heart is going out to this man and his family. They have been added to my daily prayer list. As have the several other families who have emailed me in the last 3 weeks or so (I think I have heard from 5 separate families that I have never met before- met on the blog that is). There are so many of us who are struggling. Some are more isolated than others.
Are you feeling isolated today? Lonely? You are not alone. I could not imagine going through this journey without my personal relationship with Christ. I lay my sorrows at his feet each day, and my joys. But I also need all of you. I am not alone. You are not alone. Thanks for being there for me. Let me know if you need me as well.
The first visit
We had a nice time visiting Akila last weekend, it was really good to see her. The 30 day staffing meeting went well, and I felt really good about the team who is working with her. Michael couldn't come due to "year end" closing stuff at work (that is come kind of nerdy accounting thing), but he was on the phone for the meeting.
Akila wanted to have Chinese for dinner, but the options were very limited in this smaller town. There is one Chinese buffet which people did not speak highly of, and a Japanese restaurant. We went there, and it was really fun. A little more than I wanted to pay, but worth it. It was a Hibachi restaurant, so they cooked at our table and it was very entertaining, the kids loved it! And the food was excellent.
We also saw a movie, and swam in the hotel. Akila was well behaved, no raging. I did not expect her to rage. There were all of the little challenging things, her yelling at Zeke for chewing loudly, yelling at Zeke for him opening up a candy wrapper in the movie loudly, her freaking out at a store wanting me to buy fingernails, etc. Same old same old. But again, I can live with all of that stuff, just not the physical violence.
She did not freak out at all when we brought her back, which she did most of the time with the crisis home last fall. I was very thankful for that. I am now a smarter person as Michael and I splurged and got smart phones last week. Wow, I love it. It is going to simplify many things once I have it all figured out. Akila enjoyed playing with it and only begged a little for a phone.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Getting Ready
I'm getting ready to go to see Akila in the morning, and I am so excited I can't explain it. I really miss her. The kids and I will leave after we wake up early, and we have a meeting in the early afternoon with her team- the 30 day staffing mtg. Michael could not take the day off work, so he will call in for the meeting.
We are staying overnight in a hotel, and Akila will stay with us. The 3 kids are really excited, and not too sad about missing a day of school either. I am excited, but hoping that the headache I have been fighting today goes away by morning. Going to bed now. Will try to post some pictures.
We are staying overnight in a hotel, and Akila will stay with us. The 3 kids are really excited, and not too sad about missing a day of school either. I am excited, but hoping that the headache I have been fighting today goes away by morning. Going to bed now. Will try to post some pictures.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Hard to find the "right" word
It is weird. To feel almost "normal". Maybe "typical" is the better word. That doesn't work either I guess. I know many people get all squirmish over the use of the word "normal".
I am a mean friend. I texted Dorothy and Julie one night last week. My text said something like, "my life is so easy right now". It doesn't feel right. Yet it does. Maybe I should go and find my old friends who have "normal" or "typical" families. It has been hard to fit in with them for years. That was a mean text, as with their 11 kids each, their lives are anything but easy. Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.
I don't feel guilty that life is "easy" right now. I'm not sure if "easy" is the right word either. I can still get emotional in a second flat about Akila not being home. It is not at all "easy" for her to be gone. So I guess "easy" isn't the right word either. Maybe I should go with "different". It does feel "different" to have her gone. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket. It is "different".
It is not easy. Or typical. Or normal. It is far from it to be any of those words, when your daughter is living 4 hours away in a place where you don't know the people. It is not typical. Or normal. Or easy. To talk to your daughter on the phone each night, and to not have seen her for 26 days. It is not typical. Or normal. Or easy. To talk to her and have her be in the best mood you have heard her in for months. Years. It is so different. Very different.
I am a mean friend. I texted Dorothy and Julie one night last week. My text said something like, "my life is so easy right now". It doesn't feel right. Yet it does. Maybe I should go and find my old friends who have "normal" or "typical" families. It has been hard to fit in with them for years. That was a mean text, as with their 11 kids each, their lives are anything but easy. Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.
I don't feel guilty that life is "easy" right now. I'm not sure if "easy" is the right word either. I can still get emotional in a second flat about Akila not being home. It is not at all "easy" for her to be gone. So I guess "easy" isn't the right word either. Maybe I should go with "different". It does feel "different" to have her gone. Yeah, that's it. That's the ticket. It is "different".
It is not easy. Or typical. Or normal. It is far from it to be any of those words, when your daughter is living 4 hours away in a place where you don't know the people. It is not typical. Or normal. Or easy. To talk to your daughter on the phone each night, and to not have seen her for 26 days. It is not typical. Or normal. Or easy. To talk to her and have her be in the best mood you have heard her in for months. Years. It is so different. Very different.
Friday, April 20, 2012
3 weeks down
Akila has been in the RTC for 3 weeks now, and I am much more emotionally stable. The Lord has sustained me and made this transition easier in several ways.
One, was His timing. She left the day before spring break started. It was nice to be able to organize a spring break for the kids that did not depend on Akila and her issues. They got to be typical kids for the week and it was fun to watch.
Two, is Akila's attitude. She still continues to be positive. It is like she is at summer camp. This has honestly not hurt, like some people assume it might. I know her brain too well to be offended that she is not upset to not be with us at home. I also know it is only a matter of time before she starts to be mad that she is there. It has been a joy to talk to her on the phone, and the kids and I are going to visit her next Friday and staying overnight at a hotel. I am looking forward to this, and so is Akila.
Three, is time. I feel like I have had more time, and am getting caught up on some things. I am caught up on my dance work, I had a pile of paperwork (calling insurance companies, clinics, research projects, etc) that I have caught up on. I still have a huge list (in my head) of things I want to get done (reorganizing drawers, cleaning basement, etc.), but I don't feel stressed about it anymore. I feel like I will be able to tackle some of these things.
It is actually a weird feeling, to feel typical. Well, actually, I don't feel typical, probably never will. But it feels weird to not live in constant drama. I am not a drama queen, I do not seek drama out like some people I know. I do know a mom who has a daughter with FAS, and this mom is addicted to the drama her daughter brings. She is the type of person who wants people to feel bad for her at all times and when her daughter is in an out of home placement, she misses the drama.
I do not. But there is certainly an adjustment period to not dealing with the drama daily. This feeling is similar but different to when my mom died 7 years ago. She spent the last three months of her life living with us, and was sick for 11 months. My every waking minute (and many of my sleeping minutes), were consumed with caring for her, fighting for her, loving her. When she passed, I was a zombie for sometime. Not only due to losing her and dealing with that grief, but also from the change in a daily routine that I had become accustomed to.
I am thankful for how the Lord has sustained us. I am thankful for how He has watched over Akila and protected her. I am thankful for so many of the details that He has worked out. I am very thankful and blessed.
One, was His timing. She left the day before spring break started. It was nice to be able to organize a spring break for the kids that did not depend on Akila and her issues. They got to be typical kids for the week and it was fun to watch.
Two, is Akila's attitude. She still continues to be positive. It is like she is at summer camp. This has honestly not hurt, like some people assume it might. I know her brain too well to be offended that she is not upset to not be with us at home. I also know it is only a matter of time before she starts to be mad that she is there. It has been a joy to talk to her on the phone, and the kids and I are going to visit her next Friday and staying overnight at a hotel. I am looking forward to this, and so is Akila.
Three, is time. I feel like I have had more time, and am getting caught up on some things. I am caught up on my dance work, I had a pile of paperwork (calling insurance companies, clinics, research projects, etc) that I have caught up on. I still have a huge list (in my head) of things I want to get done (reorganizing drawers, cleaning basement, etc.), but I don't feel stressed about it anymore. I feel like I will be able to tackle some of these things.
It is actually a weird feeling, to feel typical. Well, actually, I don't feel typical, probably never will. But it feels weird to not live in constant drama. I am not a drama queen, I do not seek drama out like some people I know. I do know a mom who has a daughter with FAS, and this mom is addicted to the drama her daughter brings. She is the type of person who wants people to feel bad for her at all times and when her daughter is in an out of home placement, she misses the drama.
I do not. But there is certainly an adjustment period to not dealing with the drama daily. This feeling is similar but different to when my mom died 7 years ago. She spent the last three months of her life living with us, and was sick for 11 months. My every waking minute (and many of my sleeping minutes), were consumed with caring for her, fighting for her, loving her. When she passed, I was a zombie for sometime. Not only due to losing her and dealing with that grief, but also from the change in a daily routine that I had become accustomed to.
I am thankful for how the Lord has sustained us. I am thankful for how He has watched over Akila and protected her. I am thankful for so many of the details that He has worked out. I am very thankful and blessed.
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