Monday, November 30, 2009


I am tired today. I went to bed at midnight after getting a lot of work stuff done. Was sleeping really peacefully at 2:00 until Akila woke me up and wanted to know where the movie case was. I got her some meds to help her fall back asleep and went to her room with her. She was too bored to fall asleep though. A fight ensued. I remained patient, for awhile.

I tried tons of different things to help her calm down and fall asleep. I asked if she wanted me to rub her back or give her a massage. I put her music on, I said I would lay down with her, I said she could come sleep in our room (which I rarely do), I offered rewards for if she fell asleep, I was so desperate to go to sleep that I even told her I would paint her bedroom this week if she went to sleep.

All the while, she is crying, getting louder and louder, swearing and refusing to even close her eyes to try to fall asleep. I think I was patient the first 30 minutes, then I slowly lost it. Michael came up and we tag teamed, for about 10 minutes, then I returned. I was able to get her to settle down (after she had woke Imani up), and I laid down on the bed with her and told her the story about the day we adopted her. We laid there for awhile, but she did not fall asleep. She started to say that she didn't want to close her eyes because she was scared of bad dreams. I prayed with her, I talked about dreams and how they aren't real, all that stuff. Nothing helped. I finally gave up after nearly 2 hours. I went to bed. She went downstairs to watch movies.

I fell asleep around 4:30. She woke me up at 5:40 to ask me if she could sleep in our room on the floor. I said yes. Then I got to listen to her laying on the floor eating something out of a crinkly bag. I finally got up at 6:00, which is an hour early for me and very painful.

The worst part of the entire night, was poor Imani. When I was close to thinking that Akila had fallen asleep, I hear Imani calling for me. Well, I was getting super annoyed with IMANI at this point. Akila was nearly sleeping and Imani was calling my name. I couldn't believe it. I finally went into Imani's room and she asked me in a very sad voice if Akila really wasn't going to get any Christmas presents because she heard dad say this during his tag team turn. She was very upset about this and didn't think it was fair because of Akila's "brain problem".

My response was bad. I said that I didn't know, but that she didn't need to worry about it. I almost had Akila to bed and I needed Imani to be quiet so I could get Akila asleep. I hugged her and told her I loved her, and then I went back to get Akila to sleep. I sat on the floor in Akila's room with my head on the bed, and I could hear sweet Imani in her room crying. I started to cry. Then Akila asked if she could get up and saw that I was crying. I actually thought this might help her to try at least to fall asleep. No luck.

I went into Imani's room, and apologized and held her for awhile. I pray that this is not a start to a bad week. I know for sure it is going to be a rough day, for me at least. I am exhausted.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


There is no school today, and the day has gone well I am glad to report. I spent the morning unbraiding Akila's hair, and rebraiding it. I just took a shower, and broke the news to Akila that tonight is her date night. Michael and I are taking her to see Cinderella at the Children's Theatre. She will also get to choose where we eat dinner, and a toy at the store. I was thinking of waiting until an hour or less before we leave, but decided to let the cat out of the bag.

Typically, we have a great time on her date night. She is one on one and has all of our attention, and is getting her way- so her behavior is usually perfect. My nephew Tyler is babysitting the rest of the group and they are really excited about that.

We got the tickets on the Children's Theatre "Pay What You Can" program. I think the way it works, is that a Monday before the opening of one of their productions, you can call the box office and refer to this program. You name your price, a minimum of $1/ticket. Each family can get up to 12 tickets in a year. It is a great deal. I named $10/ticket, which fits into our budget much better than the regular prices, especially if we are taking the entire family.

I will try to remember to report on the night tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it. I always see on this night, who Akila really is. Who she is without all the odd behaviors that are a result of the brain damage. It is really a blessing, but it is also a little sad. It makes me think of how much easier Akila's life would be and what she could do in her life, had she not been damaged by alcohol in the womb. But, I am going to be thankful for this evening and the opportunity to spend good time with Michael and Akila. Thank you Lord.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Akila has a teddy bear that she is obsessed with, it is a huge comfort item for her. I have tried for years to have her stop taking it or her blanket before the bear, with to places that we go. She is much better lately, it usually stays in the car without a fight. But I have learned that it really helps to keep her calm, so I have stopped fighting it most of the time.

Since we got Hibeam, it has been a struggle to keep the teddy away from him. When Akila is walking around with the teddy, Hibeam jumps up and grabs it and a tug of war begins. It doesn't help that Akila teases him with it and sometimes gives the teddy to the dog. I'm not sure how much life is left in teddy. we have sewn up several holes in him lately, and Ms. Kathy has as well. Well he got a couple of big holes in him this week so I actually sat down this morning to patch him up.

Let me preface this with a couple of facts. First, I am not crafty or creative. Second, I hate trying to be crafty and creative. I don't like to sew or do stuff like this. I admire people who do. Here is my finished product:
As I was sewing, I realized that this patch was a little symbolic. We had a very rough day with Akila on Sunday. She woke up at 4:00 am, and was bouncing off the walls. On the way to church, she was in her super loud mode. Sometimes with her sensory processing issues, she is like this, and it is very frustrating. After church, we had to drive Imani to a birthday party in St. Paul. Akila was just manic in the van. We went out to lunch while Imani was at the party, she was manic. The whole day was just plain tiring. She was so loud, and just did not ever get the message to tone down her voice. So this patch on the mouth, is making me laugh.

And then, look at where I had to put the next patch. I will say nothing else.

My boys

I mentioned that my boys both made the honor roll and were honored last week. Here are a few pictures of the little cuties. In the first one, it is pretty hard to see Hezekiah, but I have a picture of the both of them also.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Honor Roll & Suspension

My boys were both honored at school this morning for making the honor roll. This is a new thing our school has started this year at the elementary level. They got long sleeved t-shirts that say "I am the Definition of Ambition" on the back, and have the school name on the front. They were adorable and I was very proud. ( I will try to post some pics soon)

Then, the call came this afternoon that I have been knowing for years would come. Akila got in a fight after school on the bus, before it left school property. I had to go pick her up. She is suspended for tomorrow and is kicked off the bus the rest of the week. She says that the boy told Imani to shut up so she slapped his face. He pushed her down, she went back at him and they got into a smackdown. Akila is tiny, this boy is much bigger than she is, I love how she has no clue that she has no business hitting a kid that could squash her in a single step.

Anyway, I have told her no computer or TV or fun for tomorrow. Only chores and homework. I anticipate a very problematic day. I am not looking forward to it. She has been having a rough week. Her aide at school has said that Akila has gotten more lippy and full of attitude with her lately, I knew the honeymoon phase would wear off soon, although I hoped and prayed it would not.

After I picked her up from school, I brought her straight to dance class. The entire way there, she was full of attitude and I thought I was going to have to pull over and get out of the van to take a few breaths to calm myself down, but we made it. When I picked her up after dance, she was much more appropriate and knew that she should not be pushing me. She was polite on the way home, and went straight to bed, I was very relieved.

We talked about other choices she could have made when she thought this boy was disrespecting Imani, but I don't think she really gets it. When we got in the van after dance, she said, before I brought it up, "Mom, I'm sorry for fighting with that boy. I just couldn't control my anger". It was a good reminder to me that she needs time to process things, and I need time to control my anger. It was an interesting day- to start the day going to the school for an honor, and to end the day with a suspension. I wonder what they think of me at that school sometimes!!!