Monday, November 30, 2009


I am tired today. I went to bed at midnight after getting a lot of work stuff done. Was sleeping really peacefully at 2:00 until Akila woke me up and wanted to know where the movie case was. I got her some meds to help her fall back asleep and went to her room with her. She was too bored to fall asleep though. A fight ensued. I remained patient, for awhile.

I tried tons of different things to help her calm down and fall asleep. I asked if she wanted me to rub her back or give her a massage. I put her music on, I said I would lay down with her, I said she could come sleep in our room (which I rarely do), I offered rewards for if she fell asleep, I was so desperate to go to sleep that I even told her I would paint her bedroom this week if she went to sleep.

All the while, she is crying, getting louder and louder, swearing and refusing to even close her eyes to try to fall asleep. I think I was patient the first 30 minutes, then I slowly lost it. Michael came up and we tag teamed, for about 10 minutes, then I returned. I was able to get her to settle down (after she had woke Imani up), and I laid down on the bed with her and told her the story about the day we adopted her. We laid there for awhile, but she did not fall asleep. She started to say that she didn't want to close her eyes because she was scared of bad dreams. I prayed with her, I talked about dreams and how they aren't real, all that stuff. Nothing helped. I finally gave up after nearly 2 hours. I went to bed. She went downstairs to watch movies.

I fell asleep around 4:30. She woke me up at 5:40 to ask me if she could sleep in our room on the floor. I said yes. Then I got to listen to her laying on the floor eating something out of a crinkly bag. I finally got up at 6:00, which is an hour early for me and very painful.

The worst part of the entire night, was poor Imani. When I was close to thinking that Akila had fallen asleep, I hear Imani calling for me. Well, I was getting super annoyed with IMANI at this point. Akila was nearly sleeping and Imani was calling my name. I couldn't believe it. I finally went into Imani's room and she asked me in a very sad voice if Akila really wasn't going to get any Christmas presents because she heard dad say this during his tag team turn. She was very upset about this and didn't think it was fair because of Akila's "brain problem".

My response was bad. I said that I didn't know, but that she didn't need to worry about it. I almost had Akila to bed and I needed Imani to be quiet so I could get Akila asleep. I hugged her and told her I loved her, and then I went back to get Akila to sleep. I sat on the floor in Akila's room with my head on the bed, and I could hear sweet Imani in her room crying. I started to cry. Then Akila asked if she could get up and saw that I was crying. I actually thought this might help her to try at least to fall asleep. No luck.

I went into Imani's room, and apologized and held her for awhile. I pray that this is not a start to a bad week. I know for sure it is going to be a rough day, for me at least. I am exhausted.


dorothy said...

Isn't that so just the story of our lives? When we need them to sleep/behave/act normal the most is when it is just beyond them. I have to laugh in sympathy as I look around at the three who are sleeping in my room as I type - I'm just too tired to go from room to room helping them settle - one big pile here is the best I can do on this Monday and I dare not turn my back on any of them. Hugs - and Prayers.

Anonymous said...

Ack! Let me know if you need a little extra help this week. I'd be glad to take Akila for a while! :)


AKBrady said...

Please don't feel guilty. If I had a nickel for every time I said something I regretted later, or shouted, or slammed a door and scared my kid, well, let's just say...
You do the best you can, and be as perfectly imperfect as possible. Isn't that what we do?