Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"Urgent matter"

On Sunday when we brought Akila to church, she had me feel her arm/elbow area and the dry skin that she has. She has always struggled with dry skin, and has always been horrible at putting on lotion, or letting me put lotion on. I told her that it was Eczema, which is really dry skin. I goofed, she is now obsessed with this. I have told her this many times in the past, but now she is obsessed.

After church and lunch, we stopped at Target to get her some hair grease and a few things she needed. We also bought some hydrocortizone for her dry skin. She called me Sunday evening and was furious because the staff had taken the hydrocortizone away. I forgot that they need a Dr. order for any OTC type of thing. I told her that I would email Dr. Mackey and have her send an order on Monday.

I picked her up from school yesterday to bring her to dance. She was obsessing on the fact that the staff took the cream away. I explained why, but she didn't care. She was mad. We got to dance early and I don't have a key to the new studio yet, so we ran over to Walgreens and bought some more hydrocotizone cream. She applied it as we drove to dance. I thought the issue was resolved, until we get the order from the dr. I was wrong.

On the way home from dance, she started to perseverate on the issue. She wanted me to go into the crisis home and talk to the staff. I told her that it didn't matter what I said until we have a dr. order, and that Dr. Mackey must have been out today. None of this mattered, because it is urgent. She was sobbing, and must have said this was a serious and urgent matter at least 30 times, I kid you not. And I don't care obviously because this is a very serious issue and I don't seem to understand it.

I kept my tongue in line, and did not point out that she has had this Eczema for YEARS and it has never been a serious issue to her. I also told her that she had already put the cream on, and that we could put a 2nd application on before we got back to the home. Then today, I would call the clinic and make sure we get the order. She wasn't listening, she was just stuck in being mad and none of my solutions mattered, I offered several others.

Before you knew it, she was saying, "You people are all retarded. No offense mom, but white people are all retarded. I don't mean to offend you, but you guys are all retarded." By this point, I had decided to not respond at all, and was driving in silence, which makes her go on and on even more- she hates the silent treatment. I will tell her that when she is ready to listen, I will talk, but there is no reason for me to engage and go back and forth with her when she is clearly unreasonable. I just sat there listening to the message of "urgency" and the name calling and was trying really hard not to laugh, but I did drive with a smile. Some of the things she says when she gets babbling, are pretty funny.

When we arrived at the home, she then started to obsess about wanting to take the box of crackers into the house. They don't want the kids to bring in outside food as it causes issues with the other consumers. She was mad about this now. I brought her into the house, confirmed with the staff that she could not use the cream until we had a dr. order, which I did only for her benefit. She was mad, and going off. Holding onto my arm and yelling crazy. She was standing in front of the door so I just told the staff to unlock it so I could go. She got really mad as I walked away from her tirade, and was starting to call me a mother effer as I walked out the door. It was so nice to be able to leave and walk away. As I backed out of the driveway, I could see her in the living room giving the two staff members a mouth full.

It was very sad, but also so nice to be able to drive away. Only a few more weeks left of this respite, I need to finish getting a few things done around the house, but more importantly, I need to make sure I am refreshed and ready to handle these kind of "urgent matters".

1 comment:

MARY B. said...

When you write (using your outside voice) about your responses, thoughts, and feelings towards the BEHAVIOUR of your daughter I sit here nodding my head thinking (in my inside voice) oh my goodness that is so ME! We do not have a diagnosis of FASD but I surely suspect it. When my 5 year old goes on and on and on despite my responses to stop, too much talking, quiet now, shushh, and yet he continues and continues and continues I run away inside my head...then I stand there watching him finish when he's good and ready and we move on. I appreciate your perspective!