Monday, October 3, 2011

Record breaking day

We took Akila to church today. Life is very strange. She has been gone for 4 weeks, but will probably be coming home in a few weeks. It doesn't feel normal, or good to have her gone. I can't imagine if someday we get to the point of having her in long term placement out of the home, that will be very strange.

But, I am struck at how much we have been able to enjoy her the past 4 weeks. When we are with her, she is so enjoyable, it is almost like the "old" Akila, the one we remember from before her raging days. This is what makes me think that if we do get to a place of out of home placement, it will in many ways be good for our relationship. That sounds strange. But this is a strange way to live, nothing normal about it. You all know that, whether you are living lives with challenging kids or not. It is very obvious that our life is strange!!

It is so nice to spend 5 hours with her, and see her smiling, happy and not getting into her horrible moods. This isn't to say that it is without hitches, but they are very minimal. Over a week ago, she was perseverating on the stupid fake fingernails that I hate. Haven't heard about them all week, thought we were home free. Then we picked her up, and she had some type of flyer with her. Before we could pull out of the driveway, she was showing us a coupon for $1 off of fake fingernails. I almost threw up.

She was asking if she could get some as they would only be $4.99 with the coupon. I said we weren't going to talk about it. I just want to break her of this obsession!!! This obsession has caused so many issues, so many rages, so many bruises. We have bought them on and off over the years, and it is never enough. You get them for her one day as a reward for good behavior, and by the end of that day, she wants to go back to the store because a few of them fell off and broke, or won't stay on and she needs new ones. I have fallen for it too many times. Yes, it will help her to be quiet, for about 30 minutes. And then she has some other idea of something we should buy for her. It does not stop if you buy the fake fingernails. Many people don't get that. they keep saying, "just buy her the fingernails!"

She won't take no for an answer. We said that a few times before we were even a block away. Then I finally said we weren't going to talk about it now, as I wanted to enjoy her and see how her morning was. We tried to distract her and talk about other things. Five minutes later, she brought them up again. She brought it up at least 10 times during the church service. I kept telling her "later", we will talk about it later. We got into the car in the church parking lot, and she asked immediately.

We told her no, we wouldn't be buying them. Why, is her question of course. We gave her several reasons, but she kept going on. And on. And on. Undoubtedly, if we were home, and not in the crisis home situation, she would have been swearing, and hitting eventually over this obsession. More than likely, we will be back in this situation in a few weeks. I am a realist.

We went out to lunch, and then to a park. It was a gorgeous day, and we had a nice time. Again, it is so nice to be able to spend time with her that is not tense, that does not end in her hitting us and totally losing it. There was no swearing, no hitting, no raging, no restraining. This is the longest we have gone in at least 5 years without her getting physically and verbally aggressive. What a great record to break.

1 comment:

tracy said...

I have come to the same conclusion! I am are sure we are more likely to have a life long positive relationship with our son if he is not living with us. When we get together now, if he isn't hating on us, then we are thrilled to have some happy times together...that doesn't seem possible in our house. He is almost 15, whatever will we do until he can manage on his own...and I fear that will be never. Tell me the moment you find some long term, very structured living situation for people with FASD, it will either be that or jail (I'm a realist too.)