Thrift store bargains

Today, most thrift stores have a 50% off sale, and my favorite thrift store is Unique Thrift. I went early this morning by myself (I highly recommend against bringing kids to these sales, it is a zoo), and I hit pay dirt. My boys especially were in need of summer clothing, but I got some for the girls as well.

Here is what I got:

• 14 pairs of shorts
• 6 swim suits
• 14 shirts
• 4 pairs of shoes

All this for $95, which averages out to $2.50/item. Not too shabby. Then, we took the kids to lunch at Rocky Rococcos Pizza as I hadn't been there since college and we discovered one in Brooklyn Center. On the way home, we passed a ARC Value Village Thrift store and stopped in, with all 4 kids. I had a hard time finding shorts for my girls this morning as they are all too short, and I hate short shorts!! Akila loves them, Imani hates them.

The girls were with me going through the clothing racks, and I found a nice pair of jean shorts that were almost knee length, and had some cute decorations on them. I showed them to Akila, who didn't like them. I was about to try to talk her into them when Imani said, "I like them, can I have them?" This was enough for Akila to pounce on them and decide that she like them. Akila went on to look at a different rack, and Imani came up to me and whispered "you're welcome". I almost started laughing and crying a the same time.

Imani knows full well that Akila has horrible taste in clothing, as she always chooses "slutty" looking clothing. Imani almost goes overboard the opposite way. She has some athletic shorts, that are not too short, but aren't knee length, and she won't wear them because they are too short. For some reason, I once was going to argue with her on this. I caught myself and stopped, and said a little prayer of thanksgiving to God. How cool is that? Imani is helping me with Akila. She is one sharp little girl. I am very thankful for her.

Let the weekend begin

Tonight, I was in the back yard of my next door neighbors house, talking with her as Zeke, Hezekiah and Imani were running through her sprinkler(looked cold to me). Akila was in the house watching a movie, it was probably around 8:00, which is normally bedtime but we were staying up a little late due to the holiday weekend.

Akila came back to the yard yelling at me wondering why I wasn't coming when she was calling me. I had put a microwave popcorn in the microwave for her before I went outside. Evidently, it finished, and she wanted me to bring it to her in the family room. She yelled forever, which I did not hear, then she came outside to find me and yell at me. She of course walked right past the microwave. She normally makes the popcorn all by herself. As a matter of fact, she made scrambled eggs tonight all by herself, we weren't even in the kitchen and did not know she was making them. I like that! She is pretty good at it.

Anyway, she went ballistic. She was yelling and completely off her rocker as she wanted me to come inside and get the popcorn for her. I talked to her about how she could do that on her way through the kitchen to the family room, but she was far too over the top and couldn't process what I was saying. It was not pretty.

Eventually, I got her settled back with a movie and later I was back outside. Akila came outside and wanted to run in the sprinkler a bit and she did. Then she wanted to go inside and take a warm bath. I said good idea, you can go get it started, or ask dad to help you start it, or wait until I am done talking to Kathy and I will start it. This set her off. She wanted me to come inside and immediately obey her every command. She started pushing and getting violent. I eventually had to take hold of her arm to guide her into the house, as she was trying to bite me. I sent her upstairs and said to get ready for bed as she was done for the night. I went outside to get the other three kids to come in and get ready for bed.

Outside, I could hear Michael inside having it out with Akila. Summer is hear. All of our neighbors get to hear our fun episodes. We probably should invest the thousands it would cost to get air conditioning to avoid being reported to child protection. After Akila was in her bedroom, and all four kids were in bed, we sat in our room and listened to Akila spewing out hatred at the top of her lungs for a good ten minutes. Lots of name calling, a little swearing, and a lot of mean things. I told Michael that we should build a bedroom in the back of the family room so the poor kids don't have to hear her yelling horrible things. I also pointed out that it won't be too long before she is throwing the F-bomb and other inappropriate language around. The teenager years are going to be interesting. That is for sure.

Loving learning

All four of my kids are pretty fond of school, even Akila- at least most days. She does have days that she doesn't want to go to school, but it is usually because she is in a bad mood. The others are always excited to go to school.

But Zeke, LOVES school and LOVES learning like nothing I have ever seen. He is only in kindergarten and we are so hopeful that his enthusiasm continues. Like I said, all of my kids like school, and they all did in kindergarten. But Zeke is different. He loves it, and especially the learning part.

I was at a meeting tonight, and sat by his teacher. She told me that they she got out some math books today for the first time (I think they usually have just had worksheets and stuff like that, not text books yet). Zeke went up to her later and told her that he was so excited they got the books that he accidentally cried. He then went on to explain that they were happy tears. How cute is that?? What kids cries when given a math book? Well, I probably did but only because I hated math. My tears were not happy ones when it came to math.

FASD neighborhood

I think I have written before about the fact that my next door neighbor has also adopted four children, she is a single mom (wow, I hope I never have to do this alone). Her oldest daughter is 15 or maybe 16 and has FAS.

We have had a few episodes over the past years where this girl has attacked my kids. She will do this not when the kids have done anything to instigate the attack, but just when she is mad about something else. After dinner last night, I heard her mom outside yelling at her and came to our front door. Three of my kids were in the door looking outside. They said that the teenage girl was attacking her little sister and the mom was trying to get it under control. They were on the other side of their house so I couldn't see anything. I was going outside and trying to figure out if I should go out (this mom is very private, unlike me!).

Three girls who live at the other end of our block were playing nearby and all of a sudden, the enraged FAS teenager (trying not to use their names), came running out from the side of their house and started to chase these girls. I got my kids in the house and then started to chase the teenager (her mom has some health and physical challenges so I knew I could run a bit faster-good thing I have been working out a lot). It was quite the scene. Two girls, 4 years old and 7 years old running down the block scared to death, a very large teenager chasing them, me running behind her, and her mom way behind me. Right when I was about to catch up to the teenager, in the girls who were running front yard, the teenager fell and I got down next to her and held her down with one of my arms and started to calmly rub her back with my other hand.

The girls who had just ran into their house, got their parents who came out, wondering what in the world had just happened. They have lived there maybe a year, and are a challenging family. Had a recent drug bust at their house. At this point, the mom of the teenager arrived and was crying and told the parents that her daughter has special needs and that she has called the police so they can take her to the hospital.

Unfortunately, this poor mom has been having to call the police probably once a month on her daughter. She has gotten to be too much to handle and gets too aggressive. I'm not sure what is going to happen. I helped and went to pick her other three kids who were at a Boy Scout picnic. In the meantime, Akila was going through the roof!!!! She was completely nuts over the entire situation and I was trying to explain it to her, she was quite scared. The bummer, is that I told her the police were going to take the girl to the hospital, which I wish I had not said. Jail would have been a better answer. Akila loves the hospital and wants to go there all the time. She loves IV's and shots and all that junk. I could see her head spinning. I was trying to explain that it was not the kind of hospital that she is thinking of. She didn't get it. She honestly thinks it would be fun to go to jail. Unfortunately, I think some day she will probably find out the reality of what it is really like.

Things are heating up in the hood. I think with the weather, and the economy, it is going to be a really hard summer in North Minneapolis. I called 911 three times last week in one day due to suspicious behavior. A neighbor did end up getting robbed by some people I called the police on, they didn't get here in time. Urggghhhh.

Pictures

It has been awhile since I have posted. I finally took some pictures off of the camera and put them on my new laptop, so I will post a few of them. Life has been hectic at our house, as normal. Akila had a really good night tonight, which is all relative I guess. The main issue was that she called a girl "retarded" at dance tonight, but that is not bad considering her behavior lately. I have to email the girls father tonight.

She has been in an after school program 3-4 days a week, and that honestly has made our evenings much more controllable. It is nice too, as I either have one or two kids on those days after school, and we can have more time together this way (all the kids are doing one after school class).

I need to whine a minute, but I will start it off with good stuff. I have posted about this earlier, but I have not had even a tiny headache since the beginning of January. It was not my new year resolution or anything, but it would have been a good one. I just didn't think it was realistic then. Over three months with not even a hint of a headache, wow!!! You all should be on vitamin D, I love it!!!! Take at least 5,000 mg.

But, vitamin D has not helped with my cold sores. I usually get them every couple of months or so, and I got a whopper of one this week. On Monday night, I was at a PTSA meeting, and I thought I was getting a sore throat as my ear was hurting when I swallowed. After I got home, put the kids to bed I sat my lazy bumm down in front of the TV. As I was sitting there, I started to get shots of pain in my eye socket. My eye socket. Then in my cheek and the side of my face. It was quite bizarre. I went to bed early, but did not sleep well. I kept on waking to pain on the left side of my face. Finally, in the middle of the night, it dawned on me that I was getting a cold sore.

I have gotten cold sores since I was a teenager, and I have only had a handful of them that really hurt, I mean really hurt. And this one does. It is a whopper. My face has hurt for two days now. Weird. I have tried Lysine, and other things, but not had much luck. All of my cold sores have come with some minor pain, and some major aggravation!!!!! But I think this one is the most painful ever. I think my hubby thinks I'm losing it, as much as I have complained about this honking sore on my lip. Can't blame him, I think I whined less when I had my 9 surgeries.

Anyway, here are some pictures:

Here Akila is feeding a cow on our fun spring break trip to Iowa.


My boys are helping to babysit my former student Erin's baby, Patrick


Imani and Akila in their Easter dresses.


Akila being a goof ball and watching a movie in our bathroom. I think she likes the heated floors.


Imani is standing in front of the giant picture on the back doors of our school (which face Hennepin Ave).

Fantasy

Akila has had a vivid imagination for years. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten an email or call from a teacher at school thinking I'm pregnant, I have cancer, we just adopted a fifth child, my sister was shot (don't have a sister), we were in a serious car accident and Akila's cousin was killed, etc. She is always making up crazy stories and they are usually full of tragedy or something big. I have told her teachers, that I will be sure to let them know right away of any large drama going on at our home. We have talked about this tendency to tell fantasies, or to lie, at her IEP meetings. Thankfully.

I say thankfully, as yesterday she told a whopper of a story at school that has some kids upset, and rightfully so. I won't give the details here, but it was not good. I know that false allegations are a common issue with kids who have FASD. It is scary stuff. It makes you think.

I tried to have a conversation with Akila tonight about the story she told. It did not go well. Imagine having a very serious conversation about something very mature, with a 4 1/2 year old (the age her emotional maturity is at). I was very calm. I told her I wasn't mad and that she wasn't in trouble, but she got pretty mad and emotional. We talked about the words she used, the serious meaning behind the words, and why it scared some other kids. She didn't get it. There was a real disconnect. She just wanted the conversation to be over.

It is really scary to think of what possibly lies ahead of us. She is 9. When I imagine her at 12 or 13, or even older, I get really nervous. I pray that I am wrong.

Verbal violence

Wow is Akila's verbal violence escalating. When she is angry, she goes right to name calling. This has been a challenge for over a year, and is getting rough. Last night we had to go to the dance studio for recital pictures, and I had to bring all four kids with.

For the last several months, I have not had to bring all the kids with. I have been making arrangements for the others to go to a neighbors, or an after school program, or Michael has been home in time. Well that didn't work out yesterday, and it was not pretty.

On the way home, Akila was focused on Imani. She often focuses on Imani and I think this is because she is jealous of her. Imani is a very sweet and easy going girl who gets along with everybody. Well she was yelling at Imani for any type of noise that Imani made, including just talking. She was calling her names, and saying that she wishes Imani were dead or never had been born. She even said once that she wishes that someone would break into our house and kill Imani.

She called me every name in the book. She said multiple times that I am not her "real" mom and that dad is the boss and the only one who she has to listen to. When dad is around, I am the only one she has to listen to, according to Akila. Once again, it really doesn't hurt my feelings or bother me when she is wishing I were dead because I am a "stupid frickin old lady", or when she says I am not her real mom. I know I am, and I know that God has a plan for her and I and that is why she is my real daughter.

By the time we got home, before we even got out of the van, Imani was helping Akila to draw something in her notebook and they were buds once again. I on the other hand, was completely annoyed and needed just a few minutes away from Akila. Kids are amazing. I did talk with the other three later, and try to process all the hate filled words they had witnessed in the van.

Then this morning, she changes out of her uniform pants and puts on a pair of jeans, which are against the uniform policy. She of course went into a rage when I told her that she needed to change and was swiping things off of tables and counters and calling names galore. She went to school in the jeans and I put uniform pants in her bag and left the teacher a message asking her to make sure Akila changed. Poor teacher (I don't say this because Akila won't listen to her, she will. I just feel bad that I need her help in this way).

At the bus stop, Akila got mad at me when I didn't put her ponytail in the "right" way and once again, I was a stupid mom and she wishes she still lived in Georgia with her foster mom, blah blah blah...... A minute later, the bus came, the other kids were hugging and kissing me, and Akila was yelling "love you mom, love you", like she hadn't been hurling verbal violence at me all morning. It is so amazing how disconnected she is to her behaviors, how she can't see how bizarre it is to call someone a horrible name, and less than a minute be loving toward them.

I have been praying for patience and for control of my tongue. It would be so easy in the heat of the moment to say "me too" when she says she wishes she lived somewhere else or something like that. I of course do not wish that, but in the heat of the moment, when she is being really nasty, it wouldn't be too hard to say the wrong thing. And I know I would regret it forever, because that would undoubtedly be the thing she remembered for the rest of her life. Not all the things she was saying leading up to my slip of the tongue.

New med

The new med that we were given to give Akila if she wakes in the middle of the night is great. I think it is called Clonadine. I'm too lazy to get up and go look at the bottle right now.

About 2:15 last night, I woke to the sound of a cabinet in our bedroom opening up and saw Akila trying to get the mini DVD player out. I got up, gave her the meds and some cheeze its (the easiest way to get her to take her meds without an all out brawl), and she went back to bed and actually fell asleep.

I think this is the 4th time I have used this med in the middle of the night and I am happy to report that it has worked each time, and that Akila is fine in the morning. The Dr. said she might be a bit tired or groggy in the morning, but she isn't at all. The key to this option is to just make sure that we hear her when she wakes up in the middle of the night.

We really are going to have to get some door alarms or something like that soon, especially for in the summer when her sleep patterns are more sporadic due to the non-structured element of summer. If anyone has any tips or ideas on door alarms, types, or any advise, I'd love to hear it!!

Loving and hating spring

I love spring, but not everything about it. I love the obvious, the nice weather after a long winter of being cooped up. I don't like the issues it can cause at bed time. And I don't like the neighborhood kid conflict issues that it brings, especially with Akila.

I can tell it is going to be a rough spring and summer in the hood. Last night, Akila had a hard time winding down at bedtime, even with the melatonin that usually works wonders with her. I put her to bed and about 15 minutes later, Imani shouted over the stair railing that Akila was in her room. Akila wanted to sleep in Imani's room. Not an option.

I couldn't get her back in her room. Because her room is too dark, and it is too far from the bathroom. It is the same distance as Imani's room. But this is what she was stuck on. Her room is too far from the bathroom, dumbhead! I heard it over and over and I could not get her calmed down. It took forever.

Then tonight, she was outside playing with kids, and had a fit over coming in, even with extra time, and several warnings. It was not pretty. She threw several things, broke a really nice new water bottle and just about sent Michael through the roof.

I should give her some credit though, or myself maybe. We had ten kids here for the majority of the night. A family in our babysitting co-op who have six kids, ranging from 1 to 10 years of age, were here from 4:30-7. They were really well behaved kids, and Akila was pretty in control while they were here, which helped me to be in control.

I forgot what it is like to have a baby around. Had to mix some rice cereal up and could hardly remember how. It was fun, but I'm glad I don't have a little one anymore. On second hand, Akila was much easier when she was one.

Recovering

I haven't blogged as I am still in recovery from spring break. It was a long ten days, but all in all, it went fairly well. I will blog about it later.

Akila, Imani, Zeke and I just got back from a bike ride to a park. Hezekiah and Michael are out running errands. So I thought I would get a little jog in while the kids bike. We went to a park right behind North Memorial Hospital. The three were playing really nicely for about 20 or 25 minutes, before Akila saw a wasp on a piece of equipment.

She went into hysterics. The wasp seemed sick, it didn't move hardly at all, even when the kids got close to it. Akila completely wigged out. She came over and was sitting on me, and I could not get her to calm down. I tried to get her to come and play on the other area of the playground, and she saw a spider and wigged out even more. She wanted to go to another playground and I tried to explain to her that the bugs would be at all playgrounds. She disagreed, of course.

I had her sit on my lap for awhile, hoping she would calm down, I tried rubbing her back, talking about other things, but after awhile, it was clear that she was not going to calm down, and she was truly scared. Unfortunately, we had to pack up and leave. Thankfully, Zeke and Imani didn't get upset at all.

Akila was in a huge hurry to get home and kept looking behind her and was paranoid that the wasps were everywhere. It was very odd. Almost schizophrenic.

When we were in last weekend, the first evening Akila was wigging out over these baby moths that were in my aunt and uncles house. She wouldn't sleep in the bedroom with me because she saw one in there. She went into hysterics every time she spotted one.

Then, the second day, she was chasing the bugs down and killing them with excitement. In the morning, my aunt Elaine was pouring some cereal for Akila and she made the mistake of putting Akila's spoon on the counter, and Akila wigged (wigged is my word of the day). I explained to my aunt that Akila can't stand to have her silverware touch the counter or table, we always have to put them in her bowl or on her plate. I told her that we have learned lots of little things like this, and once we figure them out, Akila usually changes them. I use to get in trouble for putting her silverware in the food.

I pointed this inconsistency out to my aunt and was telling her how it keeps me jumping. One day, she is freaking over the bugs, the next day she is hunting them down. Go figure.