Saturday, August 27, 2011

Peaceful time canoeing

My awesome friend Angie and her husband took Akila overnight last night. This allowed us to have Imani's birthday party. She had 3 friends sleepover night. The friends left by 11:00 am and we spent some good family time. Michael and I took the 3 kids to Lake Calhoun and used a coupon I had bought last spring to go canoeing.

We had done this last summer with Akila and it was kind of challenging. We had gotten two canoes, so we had 3 to a canoe. Every time someone moved slightly in the canoe, Akila would freak out, panic and yell uncontrollably at everyone. She was a nervous wreck, and it was very challenging. She really focused on yelling at Imani as the girls were in one canoe and the boys were in the other. By the end of the canoe trip, Imani was pretty frustrated.

So, today was a different story. It was peaceful. It was a beautiful day, we were able to go much longer, much farther. We went all the way to Cedar Lake and were able to get out and swim at the beach. It was so nice to be able to spend good quality time with the kids and not be on edge. We ate at Tin Fish which is the cafe/restaurant on Lake Calhoun which has awesome food. It was a really nice afternoon and we all needed some good relaxing time together. Thanks Angie and Steve!! You cannot know how much we appreciate you.

Then, we came home, and things changed. The regular routine was back within 30 minutes. One of our common issues is boredom. When she finishes one activity, she is bored and wants suggestions. But she is not happy with any suggestions- and I give her really good ones, ones that are 1:1 time with me even. Things like lets bake cookies, let's go for a bike ride, let's play with clay or play-doh, moon sand, etc. She did not like the ideas, so she started to kick and hit me and Michael. We tried to calm her down, and talk her through it, but she only escalated. We were tempted to call the crisis line again, but it was so not helpful, and we didn't have the energy.

Akila and I were going to go to the dance studio where I work to help pack and tear up the dance floor as we are moving to a new location and have to be out by the end of the month, but they were done for the day by the time she got home. Then I found out they were heading to somebodies house to swim and hang out for awhile, so I grabbed Akila and headed to the gathering. Anything to distract her and get her out of the house.

We went there and swam for awhile. She wears a swim cap when she swims as her hair has relaxer in it and this is recommended. It still always gets a little wet though. On the way home, she was mad cuz it was a little wet. I said it was OK, we just didn't want it to get soaked. She started in on the fact that she wishes she were white and wants white hair. I get this, and know this is a common issue. But she takes this to a new level always. I talk to her about how beautiful her hair is, and how she can do so many cool hair styles that I could never do, and all the positive things, but in the end, she doesn't get it. It is all about wanting straight hair that she wants to be able to comb and brush and style. And I get this, I really do. But I can't change it or do anything about this. And she doesn't get this. She really doesn't.

So she started to rage about this as we drove. I explained that we can't change her hair, the only thing we can do is relax it, that is the closest thing we can do to make it straight, but then she has to wear a swim cap. Of course, this can burn her scalp a little and it does, and then she is yelling at me about this. I told her that we don't have to relax it and we can stop. Then she says I'm blaming her that her scalp is burnt. I said I am not, very calmly, several times. She is making no sense.

Then she starts to say that she wishes she were white. Then she decides she wishes she were Persian as one of her PCA's is Persian. I have a hard time not laughing at this as she was calling this awesome PCA a ugly stupid Persian the other night. Isn't that great? She is going to get us written up for a human rights violation or something. Good thing my PCA's are awesome and understanding of FASD!!!!!

I was shocked that she had even heard the term Persian and the PCA told me that she was calling her a stupid white person and she told her she wasn't white and Akila asked her what she was and she said Persian. She gave her some ammo. I'm thinking we should make up some race or something. I'm French, but I'm going to tell her that I'm Smoopian or something like that and see if I start getting called a stupid ugly Smoopian. Then I can try not to laugh each time I get called that, it might help me to stay calm. But it might make me laugh which escalates her. I guess I'll have to stick with being a stupid ugly white person.

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