Saturday, August 13, 2011

Ms. bossypants

Akila has always thought that she was in charge and in control of everything. She pretty much thinks the world revolves around her. If she doesn't like something to eat, we should not serve it. If she is cold, we should turn off the fan in the car even in all 5 of the other people are boiling. If she has eaten 5 of the 6 donuts, and one of the kids is about to eat the 6th donut, she will have a cow and throw a fit and think she should get the last donut.

The world revolves around her. She can never see how unfair it is if it is not unfair to her, no matter how you explain it. Love the FASD brain and how it works. She has always enjoyed telling others what to do. She has for years complained about Zeke chewing his food loudly. This is something that drives her nuts. It is an issue he has, but even when he isn't really doing it, or barely is, she goes nuts on him. And she usually can't just ask him nicely once to stop, she has to go psycho about it.

Well, this summer, she has turned into a bossy little psycho parent, maybe she is trying to imitate "psycho mom". I have thought about this several times- is this what I am modeling? Am I really yelling at my kids all the time? And I know that I am not. But she sure is. She is constantly going nuts on the other 3 kids over the most stupid little things. And even worse, she then comes and finds me and perseverates about the issue insisting that I do something about whatever the offender is doing. She is even doing this with the neighbor kids!

Today, our neighbor boy was outside smacking a stick against a plastic picnic table in his own yard, it was making some noise, which is I'm sure why he was enjoying doing it. We were all in the house. Michael, Akila and I were all in the living room with the windows open. Well the noise was driving Akila nuts. She wanted Michael and I to yell at the boy because Akila was convinced that he must be annoying the entire neighborhood. We both told her that it wasn't annoying us and we were fine with it. And that we couldn't go around telling others what to do. She went ballistic. She did not like this. Started calling us names, throwing stuff at us. A rage ensued.

Throughout the day, she must have complained about the kids at least 50 times and I honestly think I am being modest in my estimate. She was mad at Imani for laying in the middle of the living room floor once because she was there first, even though she hadn't even been in the room for the past 30 minutes. She was mad at Zeke for leaving an extension cord outside overnight, and would not stop going off on him about this for at least 30 minutes. The kids got in trouble for knocking her shoes off of the shoe shelf (I said I did it so they wouldn't get in trouble). It is non-stop trouble. Hezekiah rolled his eyes at her, and boy did he get an earful- and it would have gotten physical if I hadn't gotten there in time. All she wants to do all day is pick a fight.

By the end of dinner, I didn't think I could take it anymore. So I brought Hezekiah and Akila to a cheap movie. It went great, she was really good. When we got home, I asked Hezekiah to move the plastic picnic table that was blocking the sidewalk into the grass and he did so, but accidentally broke it. This sent Akila to the moon. I told her it was fine, it was an accident. Well she was furious as it is the neighbors. I told her that mom and dad would take care of it. She then raged, pushed, kicked, tried to grab the laptop and break it, and totally lost it. Over this?? Seriously? The next 30 minutes were her being angry over nothing. We could not calm her down. It was brewing all day.

We've been thinking of having a new sensory integration eval done. The behavior specialist was wondering if she is getting her sensory needs met through the rages and subsequent restraints. Tonight, during the rage, she said that she wants to go and live with Aunt Tara because she is the nicest person in the world. I also think Tara is super nice and I think this is actually a really good idea. Don't you think Tara???


Melissa said...

I really doubt I could parent an FASD kid...You have my respect!

How do you keep yourself from going off on her? I know she can't help the behavior at all, but you must have the patience of a saint!

DynamicDuo said...

oh I hear you, we've been in your shoes only we didn't have clue as to why, didn't find out officially until the girls were 15 and we were at our end. Get the sensory eval done, also if not already done find out if she is nutritionally challenged, this could be not absorbing the right nutrients or allergic to different foods or food colorings. It is mind boggling how nutrition and FASD have a synergistic relationship. Hugs to you and yours. We were once where you were at, then it changed and changed again and we lost alot of the sensory rages or illogical ones and can now see them as situational or with a known set off. Not always but almost 90% of the time.