I have not been feeling well for over a week, hence my silence. I feel better, just in time for a two plus week break- yey!!! NOT! My kids have the next two weeks off plus the Monday after New Years. According to my calculations, that is 17 days- way too long!!!
I debated over filling you in on the gory details, and since I don't have good filters, I am going to share a little. I have learned I am prone to cysts. I had one last June that got infected, the weekend of our spring recital, by my eyebrow. My entire eye was swollen shut one day, and it was a mess for over a week until I got on antibiotics. I have always had a tiny one on my lower rib cage, for at least 7 years. Well, it decided a few weeks ago to get infected. It also decided to be very painful and grow to the size of a golfball. And to come with other complications like a fever, body aches and cough. It was not fun. It was not pretty. I finally had to go to urgent care to have it lanced. Round of antibiotics. Totally disgusting.
Today, I had my annual dermatology appt since I obviously have skin issues (I have several moles that are suspiscious also, so I do get an annual check up). The cyst has been draining and gross for two weeks. The dermo said it is still not good. She drained a bunch more. More gory details. It hurts really bad. Imagine the underground zits that are uncomfortable, times 1,000. Maybe 100,000, or more. And imagine coughing with a golf ball size infected disgusting thing on your rib cage. Nuff said. I have been miserable.
I guess it is not nuff said. I was hoping the dermo would cut it out today. They just keep re-occuring til they are completely cut out, like a baloon that keeps refilling. Gross, I know. Well, she said it is so big I need to have a surgeon remove it. Not happy about that. I have already had 10 surgeries in my life (not to mention how much it is going to cost!). None of them are big deals either. Six knee surgeries, appendicitus, tonselectomy, thyroid nodule removed- stupid stuff like that. Now add removal of disgusting fowl smelling sack of pus to the list. I am one hot chick I tell you. Now, nuff said.
Akila has been home for over two weeks. We have had our rough patches, that is for sure. There were a few days in a row, where she was quite violent, not til after one good week. I was very nervous, still am. But she has had 5 good days in a row. Doesn't mean I haven't been hit. I was hit and poked several times tonight. But with different intensity. And the previous 4 good days, I was not hit at all. I am so grateful for that.
I think the Lord knew from prayers that we needed some good days. It was very scary to see her heading to the extreme violence again. She did not get there, but she was headed there. I am not saying that we are out of the woods. I fully know she will get nutty again, and probably soon. But I am so thankful when the Lord knows we need the break.
Last week, Imani was praying at the dinner table when Akila was gone at dance. She prayed, "Jesus, thank you for this break tonight from Akila- even though we just had 3 months of a break". That said a lot. We talked a lot with the kids about what it would be like when Akila returned. I don't think they fully understood. Even though they know all too well what it is to live with Akila, they were so longing for her to return home, that they didn't really remember what it would be like. Now they do.
We have had to remind them all multiple times a day, to not "respond". When Akila is going off on them for riducous things, they need to not respond. When she is going off on Zeke for the way he is making Ramen noodles, he needs to not respond. When she is calling me a "stupid white person", I need to not respond. When she is going off on Imani for watching too much TV, she needs to not respond. When she is going off on Hezekiah for eating food she thought was hers, he needs to not respond.
She is trying to get a reaction. She will sit and argue back and forth a million times. She has to have the last word. She is always right. No matter how stupid what she is saying is. I just agree. I'm sure it looks ridiculous to most outside people. But it is not worth the fight. Yes Akila, "there is school tomorrow". Even when there isn't. I don't say that right away, I try to help her see the truth. I show her the school calendar hanging up in the kitchen. I bring her to the computer and show her the facts. If she is still arguing, I just agree. At this point, before this point, she is escalating big time. I agree all the time to try and avoid the escalation. It only works maybe 1/2 the time. But that is more than all the other methods (like trying to get her to count to 10, take a break in her room, do jumping jacks, squeeze clay, etc.).
She has started to see an OT. The best line of the week last week was when the OT was asking her about some of the foods she likes. She asked Akila if she likes licorice. Akila said, "No, but my dad let me try liquor once and I liked it". I thought I was going to explode from trying not to laugh or react. We have no liquor in our house. Her dad has had one beer in his entire life. You may be thinking she was confused as the two words sound the same. She knew what she was saying. She went on and on fabricating a story about how her dad gave her liquor and she liked it. She was laughing in a sort of evil way also. She refered to it as alcohol at one point. She knew. She knew.
A Double Funeral
23 hours ago