Aunt Betty

This is a picture of my Aunt Betty, who passed away on August 9. She lived in Washington, Iowa with my Uncle Owen. She was a lovely lady who always seemed like Grandma to me (my dad's folks died when I was young, I have very few memories of them). Owen and Betty lived on a farm and I loved to visit there when I was a kid. Betty was an amazing cook and was always making sure everybody was taken care of. She and Owen raised 3 beautiful women; Janice, Judy and Jolene and I had the privilege of seeing them all at Betty's funeral.

My brother Tom and I drove together to Iowa for her services. My brother Tony, who lives in Virginia, and his son Tim made the long drive as well (along with my cousin Rick). It was nice to get to see Tony, I hadn't seen him since my mom died 3 1/2 years ago- too long. I did not bring any kids with and it was really nice to get to spend time in conversations with adults, especially my cousins and relatives I had not seen in years. My Uncle Owen has always had a special place in my heart, he is a very friendly man who has a sparkle in his eye and smiles a lot. I was blessed to have some really good time with him remembering his lovely wife. I will treasure my 3 days in Iowa!!!

I returned from Iowa on a Thursday night, and left Friday night after bedtime for Willmar, for my once a year girls weekend. I was bummed out on the timing and was feeling guilty for leaving Michael after I had just returned, but I got over it quickly. Especially when I was water skiing all weekend, it felt great and everyone survived without me.

This past weekend was a busy one as well. The kids and I drove to Albert Lea on Friday to meet Hezekiah's foster grandma, we call her Grandma Von. She lives in northern Iowa and we try to meet her every other year or so. She is a precious woman, I believe she is in her 70's. We have not seen her for over 3 years, and when we got out of the car, she knew each one of my kids names, pronounced them all correctly (which is difficult for most people), and knew which kid was who. That is amazing. We had some great fellowship with her.

When we left Albert Lea, we drove straight to Akila's friends house in the cities. Emma's family offered to take all four of our kids for an overnight to give Michael and I a break. What a blessing!!!! Michael and I went out for dinner, saw Indiana Jones, and worked on tearing our bathroom apart (bathtub tiles have been falling down, turning into major project-ugh). It was a very peaceful and productive 24 hours!!!! Thanks Emma, Rachel, John and Lori!!! The kids had a blast!!!

We picked the kids up from their house to go straight to Dan and Tara's home (Michael's brother) for the summer birthday celebration. Got home after bedtime last night and spent the day today trying to recover from all of the excitement. We are all definitely ready for school to start. I am looking forward to being able to blog more regularly!!

Akila was pretty good today. Bedtime has not been very fun lately though. After I had put her down, she came out and in a very rude and accusatory voice, commanded me to move her fan closer to her cuz she couldn't feel it. It is so hard to remain calm and not go psycho when she speaks like this. Understand, this is after close to 30 minutes of abusive behavior from her, shortly after I leave her room and am so relieved the day is over. 9 days until school starts. Can't wait!

Keeping Busy

Not sure if I have mentioned this, but I am ready for school to start. Kari has a widgit thingie on her blog that counts down to the first day of school, down to the seconds. 27 days to go. Can't wait. I did mention the neighborhood challenges we have had with Akila and they are not getting any better. So needless to say, we are not home much.

I think my husband thinks I'm crazy, on the run all the time. But I can't stand to be home for an entire day. The best thing, is that my best girlfriend, Juli, bought a boat last week, and it came with a slip on Lake Minnetonka. I grew up on a lake boating daily in the summer and have been on the boat 3 times this week with her. Twice with all our kids, she has 4 like I do (although two of them are teenagers, and great helpers). It is a little crazy with all the kids, especially last night. Akila was not cooperating. Not fun.

Akila's 9th birthday was on Tuesday, and I am glad it is over. The two weeks or so leading up to it were getting long, several rages over the fact that "today" was not her birthday and her birthday was taking too long. Tomorrow is the combined birthday party for her and Imani, who's 8th birthday was on June 30. I will really be glad when it is over.

One of the gifts we got Akila is a mannequin head that they use in beauty school. Akila is obsessed with doing hair and those Barbie heads or toy ones, have nasty hair that tangles. This did not cost much more than the toy head, and the hair should last longer. Akila loves it. The bummer, is that it is quite ugly. She doesn't seem to notice though. Check it out:

In two weekends, a mom of one of Akila's friends has offered to take all four of our kids for an overnight. What a blessing. This lady grew up with a mom who did foster care and an adopted brother with FASD, so she really gets it. I am very thankful for her. I know that when Akila goes to her house, she gets it. I have of course not told my kids yet, and I won't until the day of, maybe the day before. A lesson learned.

Me Again

We have been having many ups and downs over the last many weeks, and I am glad to report that this week has been a good one. After much deliberation, I decided to withdraw all four of my kids from the second session of their summer program. This was a hard decision as it is a 3 week session all morning. Good "mommy alone time" as I like to call it. I was tired of having to wake them up in the morning, and very tired of the battle with Akila each morning to get her to go. Worse than the school year.







So, we have had a good week because we have been keeping really busy; and even better, I have worked out twice. Monday morning we went to the health club (the kids love the child care center, thankfully) and on the way home, stopped at Hezekiah's lake (Lake Calhoun) and were at the beach for over 3 hours. My kids middle names are all after Minneapolis lakes, Hezekiah Calhoun. Fun. On Saturday, I took the kids to Zeke's beach (Cedar Lake) and we stayed for 5 hours, it was amazing. They were all really good. Two minor incidents with Akila as she was convinced that Zeke had stolen some of the rocks she had collected. I think the folks at the beach were bored and enjoyed the little entertainment show that she put on for them as she raged over a rock. But it was short lived, and I can deal with that.







Now today, it is stormy outside and Akila has been pretty good so far, and it is 10 am. I'm hoping it doesn't get too stormy, as she will lose it then. I signed the kids up for 3 field trips each last night, Akila for 4. That is a total of 13 field trips, and the average cost was $6.70/field trip. Not bad. They're going to a Twins baseball game, Lake Elmo Lake Reserve, a pool and Akila will be going to Wild Mountain water park as well. Imani told me she didn't want to go on all of them so she and the boys could have some non-Akila time. Mature little 8 year old.







All winter I look forward to spring when the kids can get outside and play. Today, I'm almost relieved it is raining so the kids can't play outside with neighbor kids. That by far has been the most challenging thing with Akila this summer. Within our own household, I am constantly having to deal with conflict between Akila and the other 3 kids. Now I get to deal with it between her and about 6-8 neighbor kids and my other 3 kids.







And she rages over the goofiest things. Last week one day, she wanted me to talk to a neighbor kid who was saying "I don't care" to Akila when Akila was bragging that her cousins were coming over. I try to tell my kids not to say "I don't care" and the dreaded "whatever" to other people. I have explained that this is a rude comment and that you just say something like "oh" when someone is telling you something you're not interested in. So Akila thought I should be telling this little girl that it wasn't OK to say that. I explained to Akila that it is something I teach my own kids not to say, but it is not the type of thing I can be reprimanding neighbor kids for. Understand, I probably come off as the neighborhood witchy mom, as I am about the only one who checks on the kids or does any kind of policing. In North Mpls, you don't see much parenting going on, or good parenting I should say.







Anyway, Akila couldn't stand it and went nuts because I wouldn't talk to this little girl. Situations like this happen several times a day, when we are home and playing outside. When it gets to the point where Akila has to come inside to take a break from playing outside, she can't handle it. She wants to sit in the front of the house and yell out the windows at the other kids. And the kids all play in our yard or on the sidewalk in front of our house. On Sunday evening, Akila had been so mean and out of control, that I told this one group of 3 sisters who live at the other end of our block, to go down and play by their house and if they started coming toward our end of the block, I "shooed" them away. I explained several times that I was not doing it because of anything they did, but because Akila was being so mean and I wanted to protect them. I'm pretty sure they thought I was nuts. I was waiting for their folks to come down and ask me who I thought I was to say where their kids could ride on the sidewalk. Thankfully they didn't.







I have partially not had time to blog the last few weeks as I was working on the fall brochure for the dance studio(where I work part-time) and that went out in the mail this week. Now I'm busy fielding calls and taking registrations. Not much fun, but a little extra cash. I have also been enjoying my spare time by spending it on the phone with insurance and pharmaceutical companies. I mentioned that we are probably going to start Akila on growth hormones due to her Turner Syndrome.



These injections are pretty spendy and our insurance told Pfizer Pharmaceutical that we don't have prescription coverage. I wondered if this was why I had paid about $115 for Akila's new Rx for acid reflux med a few weeks before, and on the very day Pfizer called, I had been to CVS to pick up a Rx for cold sores that I get from time to time, and it was $207 so I said no thanks. I called Blue Cross up and they told me they weren't being covered as we had not met our deductible. This about sent me in a rage. As you may remember, I celebrated when we met our $3,000 deductible. I calmly explained this to the lady, who put me on and off of hold several times. Then told me that for some reason, the company they subcontract to do the Rx junk, had a system problem that wasn't recognizing that we had met our deductible. They would investigate it over the next 3-5 days and get back to me.

I looked up or benefits and found that after we meet our deductible, they cover between 45-65% of the Rx with a max of $75/Rx. I realized we had been charged too much on probably 4 or 5 Rx's over the last few months. Two weeks later, I finally called these turkeys on Monday as I had not heard back on their "investigation". After being on and off hold forever, they told me it was resolved and I would be getting a refund check. Can't wait.

The best is that on late Monday night, I felt the tingle of a cold sore (again) and I didn't have this stupid Rx as I was waiting for this junk to be resolved. So yesterday I called CVS and had them run it again and it was coming at over $120 now. What!!!!! So I called the company (Medco) that BC contracts, after dinging around on one of those annoying voice activated systems and getting hung up on, they told me it was BC's problem. I dialed BC and then had to break up an Akila fight. Got back to the phone, made the call, entered a thousand ID numbers and waited around, to be told that they were closed. I'm trying to get the strength up right now to call them. Annoying.

Catching Up

I really must get better at blogging. I go too long inbetween and have too many good stories I have forgotten. My goal after school starts will be to get better at being regular about posting.

Well, we spent $3,000 on our mini-van last week. I can't say much more about that without getting really annoyed.

The kids and I went to Willmar last weekend and stayed with the Poss family. It went really well for the most part. My friends from high school, Matt and Joanna Schrupp, came out to the lake and launched their new speed boat, so I got to water ski which once was a passion of mine. Now I do it once a year and pay for about 2 months with major lower back pain. But it is worth it. Kind of. My 3 oldest kids tried to water ski, Imani got really close. It was fun.

Here are the kids from last summer with Grandpa Poss.

Here is Akila this summer.


Here is Zeke at the parade counting his candy.

Imani is fishing, the Poss house is in the background.
Hezekiah is fishing. We caught nothing, but it was fun.


Imani, Hezekiah, Zeke and Emily (neighbor girl) having a bonfire.

We went on Thursday evening so we could go to the 4th of July parade in Spicer and we were staying until Sunday. On Saturday morning, shortly after breakfast, Akila came to sit on my lap. This is a constant challenge for me. She always wants to sit on my lap, for a couple of reasons. One, she just likes to and wants to be close. I had been really struggling with this because she seems too old to be on my lap ALL THE TIME. I of course am OK with that sometimes with all of my kids, but with Akila, it is ALL THE TIME. And she does not sit still. When I remind myself that developmentally, she is closer to being between a three and four year old, I am more calm about her being on my lap.

She also wants to sit on my lap because of her issues with sitting on certain types of chairs. She definitely has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) tendencies. I have to put silverware in her bowls or on her plates, they cannot touch the table. She won't use the last spoon in the flatware tray, etc. I can't keep up with her quirks most of the time.

Anyway, she was sitting on my lap and stayed there for a long time. I finally realized that she wasn't feeling well, when I figured out that she had been really quiet and had not had any issues with anger for quite awhile. Sure enough, by noon she was vomiting.

I can't remember how much I have blogged about her vomiting, but it generally happens every 3 or 4 months and it can get quite bad. This one was her worst episode to date. Thankfully, she never misses the toilet or the bucket. What a blessing. She spent the rest of the day in the basement watching TV between vomiting sessions. She handles it really well, amazingly!!! Usually, once it is bedtime and she falls asleep, she doesn't get up to vomit but will still be vomiting the next day sometimes. Usually, if she is still vomiting the next day, that is when we will end up in the ER due to dehydration and need an IV.

Around 2 am, when I was up with her as she vomited, there was some blood mixed in with the vomit and also green vomit coming up (two of the things they say to watch for). Sorry for the graphics. This entire bout of vomiting, was also the most severe, it seemed quite painful for her and she was heaving a lot. Around 5 am, I almost left with her to go into the local hospital. She fell back asleep and I didn't.

When she gets like this, I have tried everything in the book to help her stop vomiting. We only do the little sips of water, popsicle, pop, whatever the dr.'s have recommended we try. A tiny sip makes her heave uncontrollably. Her Pediatician and I have talked about seeing a Gastro specialist, but I have been putting it off. Oops.

I just don't like the idea of needing another Dr. We have a zillion. Just last week, she saw an Endocrinologist for the first time because of her Turner Syndrome. We are going to start her on daily growth hormone injections sometime soon. Girls with TS have an average adult height of 4 ft 8 inches. With growth hormones, they can get an extra 8 inches. The side effects are minimal so we're going to give it a try. So she has a Pediatrician, a Developmental Pediatrician, a Cardiologist, a Psychologist, a Neuro-Psychologist, an Endocrinologist, and now a Gastrologist (or whatever they're called). We have an appt in August to see the gastro Dr.

When we got back in town on Sunday, we ended up having to go to the ER and get an IV. She gets so dehydrated, hadn't urinated in over 24 hours (you're suppose to take them in after 8-12 hours of no urination, but I always push it as sometimes we are able to recover).

So, it was a weird ending to a great mini-vacation. We love the Poss family and are blessed that they let us visit them.

A Good Day

Yesterday was a great day and I am so relieved!!! The kids and I went to an event called "Music in Plymouth". It is basically an outdoor concert with fireworks that the MN Orchestra plays at along with other musical groups. We have gone for the last 3 years and we go with my friend Juli and her kids, and her parents. The event starts at 5:00, with fireworks at 10:00.

Parking is a huge challenge as is getting a spot. People go there in the morning and pin down tarps with their names on them to save their spots, it is a huge tradition for many families. Juli's dad did this for our group. We decided to go to the Lifetime Fitness pool which is next door to the concert, in the afternoon to swim so we would have good parking. Juli and her kids were also swimming. We arrived at the pool about 1:30. We swam until about 4:30 when we got ready to go to the concert. The swimming went well, no issues.

This is how I have found that I measure things- by how many issues we have. Sad. Anyway, before we got to the concert, we had a family huddle and I made it clear that if anyone was out of control or not listening, I would bring that child home as daddy would probably be home after awhile (he has been working late a lot lately). The biggest challenge with this event (which is so much fun), is that you care crammed like sardines. Literally there are maybe 4 inches between tarps and picnic blankets.

The kids did great, especially Akila. It was so awesome. Juli's mom, whom I call mom and my kids call grandma, told me when it was over how proud she was of Akila and was amazed at how well she did. She said that she would have never known that Akila was any different. And believe me, she knows as she has been witness to many odd behaviors and meltdowns. It was great, and a huge relief. Especially as we go into this weekend that I am a bit apprehensive about.

We are going to Willmar, my home town, to stay with the Poss family. I grew up on Eagle Lake in Willmar, and I can't tell you how much I miss the lake life. The Poss family were our neighbors and a family I always loved and respected. Dr. and Mrs. Poss have invited us to stay for a weekend each summer and we have done so for the last 3 years. The kids love it, it is like going to a lake resort only much better, and much cheaper!!! They have every type of lake toy imaginable and Dr. Poss plays with the kids a lot. He fished with them, made home made bottle rockets with them, etc.

They have a huge basement with all the same toys I played with when I was a child, including a doll house with furniture that Dr. Poss made for his girls. Akila loves it!! I also have some friends from high school who are going to hang out with us and a friend who lived across the lake who will be in town who I haven't seen in years. So I am very excited, and again, a bit apprehensive. Last year, Akila had been a bit challenging and we had some pretty big battles. This was before she was as challenging as she is now.

I am praying that it will go well, as I love this annual tradition. It is very peaceful and a beautiful feeling to be back on my lake. It is filled with amazing memories and lots of love. It does make me think a lot of both of my parents and how much I miss them both. I always take a little time to myself and go for a walk in the old neighborhood. The Poss family have actually built a new home about a half mile away from our old neighborhood. Anyway, I am mostly looking forward to the weekend and after last night, I am a bit hopeful that Akila will hold it together. Although that isn't very realistic to expect for the entire weekend. But a girl can hope.

Really, a Storm?

Seriously? It has been a very rough day. Now it is dark, thundering, and Akila is running around with her head cut off. Not what we need.

No Van, Stuck at Home, Embarassing Playdate

I have been dreading today all week. We had to bring our van into the garage last night as it has been running funny. That means being stuck in the house all day, which can sometimes be a disaster with Akila. I invited my friend, Janelle and a few of her kids, to stop over for lunch and a play date.

Akila was having a pretty mellow morning, which changed after Janelle, Katelynn and Malachai arrived. She has played nicely with Katelynn, who is 6, on some other occasions. Today, she was horrifically mean to Katelynn, from the minute they arrived until they left. It was a nightmare. Emily also stopped by as she and Jesse returned this week from their honeymoon. No matter, it was nearly 3 hours of non-stop issues, with Akila. She was screaming hateful things to Katelynn, telling her to shut up, and many other things. It was embarrassing, even though I know that Janelle is non-judging and very understanding- it is still not fun.

All this when I was coming off a good day. Yesterday, I had an hour and a half to run errands with no kids. My friend DeDe had my boys, and Akila had a program at the same time as Imani's reading program. It was peaceful.

When I arrived home from picking up the girls, there was a package on the steps waiting for me. It was a rubbermaid container that had a journal, pens, bottle of tea, trail mix, brownie, stress-relief shower gel, a book called "Story People" and a nice card with some very encouraging words, - and no signature. Whoever the little elf out there is, I would like to thank you!!! It was a very sweet thing, which really brightened my day.

The kids were very excited about the mystery package. Akila was telling people I had a secret admirer. This was upsetting Imani big time, which I could not figure out. When I was digging, I learned it was because Imani thought it was from another man. I told her it was from a woman, and then she thought it was really cool. Akila called Michael to tell him about it, and Imani kept screaming in the background to tell him it was not from a man. This was very important to her. Cute. Again, thank you whoever you are!!

Update: It is going to cost $3,000 to fix our 10 year old minivan, pray for us as we try to figure out what to do. Fix it, or jump ship. UGH!!

I Hate Chore Day

Today is chore day, and I hate it. It means kids who whine and a mom who loses her patience. I was in the shower this morning and Akila came in to go to the bathroom to go potty(yes, I have stopped trying to lock the door. We have two bathrooms, but Akila will only use the upstairs one with the shower, so everytime I try to take a shower in peace, it turns into a psycho-fest). She was asking me what we're going to do today. I told her that she would get to do a couple of chores shortly and explained the rest of the days activities. She of course was not happy and had a verbal explosion. I then said she only had to do 3 chores and she was then OK.

I wonder when I will learn to be specific. Hezekiah, my six year old, is obsessed with telling what the difference is between the term "a few" and "a couple". They obviously taught them this in kindergarten this year and he listened well. Akila will more than likely never grab this concept.


My friend, Angie, has been hanging out with Akila twice a month or so in the evening. Last night she had dinner with Akila, and then came and got my other 3 kids to go mini golfing. God bless her. Michael has been working late a lot and that is rough considering it is summer and the majority of our summer programs don't start until after the 4th of July. I went for a bike ride by myself, it was heavenly- and hot.

Angie said it went really well, other than the car ride to and fro. I hear you Angie!!! The van rides have been horrendous lately, I need to crack down. For me, normally, the challenge is Akila. Last night it was Imani and Hezekiah who sit together in the back row. They were feeling squirrley when they left, I should have known. It is so hard, because as kids, it is not unusual for them once in awhile to be all riled up and an extreme handful. But I wish I could teach them that I desperately need them to keep in line when Akila is, so we can once in a blue moon have some moments of peace. I almost would prefer them to have their moments when Akila is having hers (which is about 75% of the time, or higher). Although, I admit, it is really crazy and out of control when they're all going at it. But it is also so nice when they all 4 are behaving, which seems to only happen about 5% of the time. I'm probably underestimating, feeling the effects of summer already. I hope I make it to September.

We had some interesting conversations in the car yesterday. The kids are really into tattling lately, and I was trying to explain that you really only need to tell me if somebody is hurt or could get hurt. Imani asked if it counted if someone was getting their feelings hurt. Good question. I didn't know exactly how to answer it. This was literally minutes after Akila had been hysterically yelling at Zeke and telling him she hated him because he would not giver her HIS hamburger. I told Imani that was a hard question and that yes, if their feelings were REALLY getting hurt they should tell me. I also preceded to tell them that they kind of needed to get tough skin since their sister has brain damage and has a hard time controlling her anger. I said that she calls you names, says she hates you and all that stuff, but it is not true and she just has a hard time controlling herself. Akila listened intently.

A few minutes later, Zeke gave Akila the rest of his hamburger that he did not want and she was sweet and telling him he was the best brother in the world. I tried to point out to her how mean she was when she didn't get her way, and how nice she was when she got her way. It went in one ear and out the other. Fun.

Letting Go

I have issues. Many of them. One, is a strange one, that I don't find many people have. I am almost always on time, if not early. Strange, hugh? Even with 4 kids, I'm usually early for most things. I blame this on my dad. I remember when I was young, my dad always sitting in the car waiting for my mom on Sunday mornings before church. It drove her nuts, and she was rarely late for anything, it was just that dad liked to be early, for whatever reason. I, of course, was sitting out in the car with him.

When I am running late for something, I am nervous, tense and annoyed- I hate that feeling. Last week, the first two days of Gymnastics, we arrived about 10 minutes early. Why do I do this to myself??? I hate it. 5 or 10 minutes is a long time to chase kids, let alone Akila, around and try to keep her out of things she should not be touching. The final 3 days, we arrived right on time. One day, we were 5 minutes early, so I got gas and we were a few minutes late, which I was internally anxious about. I know, I'm weird.

I always do this, not only for gymnastics. I have to stop doing it. I just read a book last week by Liz and Jodee Kulp on FASD, and Jodee was saying that they always arrive late and leave early (she was talking about family events, but I get the point). I can't count the times we have arrived early somewhere and I end up driving around wasting gas while the kids are questioning if I'm lost. They think I get lost a lot more than I actually do.

As a matter of fact, I think that this issue of mine about being early, is the reason that I do most of the driving in our family. I have a pretty good sense of direction and know my way around the Twin Cities really well. If I go somewhere once, I almost always can get there again. Plus, I have been early to so many things, and found myself driving around to shoot the time then, and explore the area. I had a superintendent I worked for once, who told us to take a different way to the schools we travelled to each time to learn more of the community. Good advise actually, I did learn a lot.

Arrive late, leave early. This needs to be my new motto. Or at the least, arrive on time, especially when dropping Akila off for an activity which gives me and/or the rest of the family a break. It would be a mortal sin to be late for such an event. :)

Gymnastics

All four of my kids are doing a gymnastics day camp this week in the afternoons, and they are loving it. Yesterday, when I went to pick them up, Akila was wearing a pair of shorts over her leotard (which were not hers), and a leotard underneath her leotard (which was not hers). I had her go into the bathroom to take the stuff off.

The gymnastics school has a little room where they sell clothing. It is hard to keep her out of it. They also have a lollipop tree on their counter (25 cents a lollipop). She has been obsessed with this since we visited there the first time. Today, when I picked up the kids, they had the clothing room door closed and locked, and the lollipop tree behind the window on the counter. Two days of Akila and they have learned something. I was relieved.

Last night, at bedtime, I was outside helping Akila gather up her toys and put stuff away. She and the neighbor girl are very into playing with dolls and using our double stroller to play with. She has a diaper bag for her dolls she was using and acting suspiciously with. Turned out, she had over 20 cigarette butts in it this time. I wish I had remained more calm.