I can't believe I am even posting on this again. It seems that I have turned into my mother. She was always obsessed with my hair, even as an adult it was an on-going struggle. She would say those little nit-picky comments regarding my hair being stringy or something like that. It is well known within my family that my mom and I always had a thing about my hair going on. How have I turned into that?
I mentioned 2 posts ago, the pressure there is in a transracial adoption for a white mom to style and care for a Black girl's hair. I have literally been approached in stores, at church, school and other places by Black women (very good intentioned women) asking if I needed help with their hair. This is usually when we are in an "inbetween phase" of combing it out and haven't gotten the new style in yet. I have learned a lot and can do several styles. My problem is, Akila won't leave them in!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you feel my frustration???
On this past Sunday, two days ago, I shampooed Akila's hair, hot pressed it so it was straightened (most styles whether braids or twists, stay in longer and look more fresh if you press it first), and then sectioned and twisted it. It looked really nice and she loved it. It would last for sure one week, and I could even get two weeks out of it if I needed to. Well, 24 hours later, last night (Monday night), while in bed, Akila took it all out. I woke her up this morning to find out that her hair was standing up all over. I walked in her room to wake her up, saw the new hair doo, walked out of the room, and tried to "center" myself.
I went in and woke her up, calmly told her that her hair was going to have to stay like that for the day. She knew not to say too much to me, at least right away. About 5 minutes later she was raging for me to use the hot press on it. Her hair is not very long, and is not all the same length due to hair ripping out when she is messing with it, so it doesn't look very good just down, even if pressed straight. I told her we did not have time and she made the choice to take it down. She didn't like this. Below, you can see how it looked. After less than an hour, the entire head of her hari would look like it does on her right side.
We were going to St. Paul to an appointment with the Psychologist this morning so we put some barrettes, grease and a comb in a bag and she did some twists on her own on the way there. It looked OK, the very front section. I just have to get over the judgement thing. Our appt was funny with the Psychologist, who is a Black man. I had to tell him that we were having a slightly rough morning due to the hair thing. I told him, "I know that it is a petty thing, but it is difficult for me when I spend hours on a hair style and she takes it out". He smiled, said he understood as he has worked with other transracial adopted families and knows that the hair is a big thing. He then asked Akila if she likes the styles I do or not. That cracked me up. He doesn't know this of course, but it doesn't matter who does her hair or the style, she messes with it. I made sure he knew that. He asked her how she would like her hair, and her answer, of course, was she wants red and black weave put in. I had to contain my laughter. Thankfully, he explained what I have been telling her forever; that is a more mature hair style that you have to be older for.
So anyway, I know that my mom is probably up in heaven laughing her head off at my struggles with Akila and her hair. I did after all, cut off my ponytails at the binder when I was about 4 or 5 years old. I don't know why she got so mad, I hid the hair in my toy box so she wouldn't find out.