Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Patience, Barb, Patience

Well, we have met with the Psychologist 3 times now. She isn't fixed yet, what's up with that? Ha. We are doing a behavior chart for one of her biggest issues; which is when she goes into a rage/tantrum when told no when she wants something, no matter how creative I am on the answer. She basically goes instantly to the name calling, kicking, throwing stage when told no. If any parent out there of an FASDer has figured out a way to deal with being called names constantly, please let me know.

I am really trying not to let that bother me, or I would be full of anger constantly. Literally, I am called a dumbhead, moran, idiot, stupidhead, or something else at least 10 times a day, and I'm talking about after school. Weekends are worse. Can't wait for summer. I digress. Back to the behavior chart. It is so hard to score her on the raging over the being told no thing; she basically should have a one (the lowest score, on a scale of 1-4) every day. If I push it because she calmed down more quickly than normal, I can give her a better score. But it is really hard to reward her for that when she stole someone's sneakers today, constantly sassed with huge attitude including giving me the "hand" multiple times, etc.

I understand choosing one behavior and working on that, but it is hard. I once again find myself needing reminding that she has permanent brain damage and these things are basically not going to go away. We can try to equip her with more skills in hope that she can handle herself a little more appropriately, but the biggest thing is for me to change my response, and expectation. I wonder if I will ever be able to live that? I know it is what I need to do, but for some reason, I keep on forgetting. I must be almost 40.


Torina said...

Hey Barb, I found your bog through Kari's. I have two kids who are getting assessed for FASD. My daughter also had RAD and a load of other abbreviations. I tell people I live in opposite world. I go against what I think is natural and what would be "reason" and do what is not normal. Do you have a chalkboard or a wipe board? When Tara does something I don't like, I encourage her to continue and give her my "permission" to misbehave. She hates it and usually does the opposite of what I want. If she started calling me names, I would get a marker and start charting the names she called me, encouraging her to be real creative. The nice lovely screaming rages, she gets to do those outside.

Or I would give her something completely outrageous (for her) to do instead of saying "no". Like, yes, you can do that but first you need to clean the toilet and shower, or first you need to write me 1 page on why you deserve it. She has no motivation to work so she gives up quickly.

Good luck. That is not a fun one to deal with. --Torina

Sheri said...

I do one of two things when Dustin lets the names fly. I either ignore completely or simply agree. It works for him, but we all know that these kids don;t follow any set pattern.

Behavior charts don't work for squat with mine!