Wow

Wow, I feel like that is all I can say. I'm tired, physically and emotionally. Last night, Akila was occupied with watching a movie that we rented, but I can tell if she had nothing to do that really interested her, she would have been very wild. As it was, she was demanding and rude every time she emerged from the movie.

I was helping two of the kids with homework all night, and it was really busy and chaotic. Put the kids to bed, including Akila just after Michael got home from work, and then I left to go meet a friend to see the movie Valentine's Day. I really need to do this sometimes, get out after bedtime. Even though I have time to regroup during the day, it just feels really good to get out after bedtime as well.

The movie didn't start until 11:00, so I got home after 1:00. I walked in the door to find Akila up and watching movies. That was not what I needed, or more importantly, what she needed. I cut up an apple and let her eat this before I brought her up to bed. She has little to no appetite all day because of her meds, so she eats non stop all night and often wakes up hungry.

The bottom line, is that she was still up at 3:00 am and I fell asleep. I was in bed, and trying to go check on her every 10-15 minutes to see if she fell back asleep. She never was, and I eventually drifted off. I awoke this morning to find her sleeping in the hallway. Michael said he was up at 3:30 and she was still awake.

So this morning, she was out of sorts again. Not too shocking considering that she hardly got any sleep, but no fun none the less. She was very uncooperative in taking her meds. Tonight is a fundraiser roller skating night for the school, and I have been trying to use that as a reward for good behavior, but it has not worked.

She brought her uniform down and wanted me to help her get dressed. My initial reaction is to say no, she is 10. But for whatever reason, sometimes she needs help. This is of course 5 minutes before they need to leave. I sat down in the dining room to help her and I was yelled at that it was too cold. I went up into my bedroom to help her and was yelled again. We finally ended up in bathroom and I was very calm.

When we came down to get coats and boots on, she went nuts some more. She went and dug out some high shoes that are for dress up only, and wanted to wear them to school. I told her that the shoes are not allowed out of the house, which she knows. She went berserk. She swore at me, threw the shoes at me and a few other things that were in her reach. Then she left to find something else. Hezekiah came over and was hugging me. He said that he was scared she was going to hurt me. I told him not to worry, that I would be fine.

After several more issues and several more explosions, I got them off to the bus. I must say that I am thankful that she goes through cycles of good and bad behavior. Well, I don't mean that I like the bad behavior of course. I mean that it could always be the really tough behavior. But Akila has always been cyclical in her behaviors.

She was good for the two weeks of winter break (this was a new one, usually during pro-longed school breaks, she is more challenging), then we had 5 or 6 weeks of challenging behavior, then one week of good, and now we are in the challenging period. The scary thing, is that during each cycle, the challenging behavior seems to be a step worse and more extreme. That is a really scary thing to watch as you see your future.