Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Not changing things

I spoke last week to a group of medical residents at Children's Hospital on working with a child with mental health issues. One other parent and myself were sharing our experiences and giving advise. It was the first time I had worked with this mom and it was fun.

During my intro of my family, I kind of ended by saying I wouldn't change a thing. When she was finishing her intro, she said she would change things and wished she could make her son's disabilities go away. I had to jump in and say that I for sure would take away Akila's disabilities, just not Akila.

I then quickly interjected that as an adoptive parent, I often get the questions like, "Did you know she had these issues when you adopted her", and/or "Would you have adopted her if you had known?", and/or "Would you do it again?". The honest truth, is that God designed my family. He purposefully placed Akila in our family, along with each one of us. We all compliment each others weaknesses and strengths.

Akila is my daughter. I love her. I could not imagine my life without her. But in a heartbeat I would wash away all of her issues including FASD, Turner Syndrome, Cyclical Vomiting, and the list goes on. It is maddening to deal with her often. It is also heartbreaking often. Last week, I watched her standing along a wall at school while a group of her peers were goofing off (appropriately), and playing with each other. I could see the longing on her face to play with them. They did not invite her in.

I was not sure how she would behave when she returned from this peer watching. She watched them for quite some time. Today, she told me she wants to go to a new school because the kids are mean at her school. I told her there are mean kids at every school. She disagreed. I didn't point out, that she is one of the meanest often. Wouldn't have helped. Wouldn't have been appropriate either. She was having a vulnerable/sad moment. I just listened. To her. And my heart breaking. Again.


GB's Mom said...


the johnson crew said...

made me cry. thanks for writing this barb. very sweet.

* said...

This is when it breaks my heart too. This happened often with Megan. She also said the kids are mean (or racist) and wanted to change schools. Once she turned 18 she did change schools but the same thing happened there and she reported they were racist. That is one of the reasons she said she moved from place to place because people were mean or racist, nobody liked her....but yet in her own words she has lots a friends. Social skills are so not there. Out of all the areas, that's probably the hardest to watch. Linda

Betsy said...

Amen! God is the one who designs each of our families for our good and His glory...even though it can be hard.
I am SO sad for Akila! I can't imagine what it's like, yet praise the Lord she was able to be vulnerable with you. What a gift! Thanks for helping us know how to specifically pray for her at school in regards to relationships.