Our next door neighbor girl was having a birthday party at a bowling alley today. The mom invited both Akila and Imani but wisely asked me to come along if Akila came and said I could bring my boys. This is the mom of a 16 year old with FAS who is currently in Residential Treatment. She knows FASD. And she knows Akila.
It was not fun, not fun at all. When Akila bowls, she holds and carries her ball with her everywhere, so nobody touches it. It is very funny looking. But the problems started due to seating. You know how when you bowl, you may be in one of the seats, then when it is your turn, you get up to bowl and someone else may end up in your seat. There were a lot of girls in the two lanes, and not enough seats. When Akila returned from bowling, and her seat was taken, she lost it. Started calling the girl names and being rude, but quietly.
When I realized what was going on, I pulled her aside quietly and tried to talk to her. She was rude to me and stomping on my feet. I should have just left at that point. Dumb mom. The first hour is bowling, and there were several little incidences like that one. Then we went into the party room and had pizza, cake and presents. She was kicking her brothers who were across the table from her. She chased Zeke across the room at one point and I had to take her out to take a break, during which she kicked me and bite me a few times. Why didn't we leave then? She still had on the bowling shoes, my purse and keys were in the party room on the far end. I stood there strategizing how I could get in there to get the stuff without having her sabotage the entire party. Couldn't figure out an exit strategy, so we tried it again.
Basically, it was no fun, the entire time. I received several bite marks on my arm and a few kicks to the shin. We got home, and thankfully Michael was home. She then spent the next two hours on and off crying. At one point, I grabbed our cheap camera and tried to tape a couple of minutes of the rage for people who wonder. The video is poor, and it is not really focused on her or anything, but you can HEAR it. You may need to turn your volume down. She is very loud. This is a calm rage, she is not being violent, but she is just in a toddler whale mode. She has been doing this a lot lately. It is really hard to take when I think of the fact that she is 11, but I just sit there and try to remind myself that she is more like a 4 or 5 year old. And I pray for patience. And for it to end.
This was going on all evening. At this moment, it was because she did not want to take her meds. A few minutes after the camera was turned off, she out of the blue told me she wanted to go to CVS to look at something. She didn't want to tell me what, but I gathered it was something to do with her hair. No answer was satisfying to her, the only one that would have been satisfying would have been yes. I tried everything. Offered to play Barbies, which I hate doing. I finally just shut up and waited it out. It was a long time. She carried on like you see in the above video for over 45 minutes. It then took her a long time to settle down for bed.
It was a long evening. I am glad it is over. Please God, no thunderstorms outside tonight. We had enough inside.
Is it really?
1 week ago