Friday, April 20, 2012

3 weeks down

Akila has been in the RTC for 3 weeks now, and I am much more emotionally stable.  The Lord has sustained me and made this transition easier in several ways.

One, was His timing.  She left the day before spring break started.  It was nice to be able to organize a spring break for the kids that did not depend on Akila and her issues.  They got to be typical kids for the week and it was fun to watch.

Two, is Akila's attitude.  She still continues to be positive.  It is like she is at summer camp.  This has honestly not hurt, like some people assume it might.  I know her brain too well to be offended that she is not upset to not be with us at home.  I also know it is only a matter of time before she starts to be mad that she is there.  It has been a joy to talk to her on the phone, and the kids and I are going to visit her next Friday and staying overnight at a hotel.  I am looking forward to this, and so is Akila.

Three, is time.  I feel like I have had more time, and am getting caught up on some things.  I am caught up on my dance work, I had a pile of paperwork (calling insurance companies, clinics, research projects, etc) that I have caught up on.  I still have a huge list (in my head) of things I want to get done (reorganizing drawers, cleaning basement, etc.), but I don't feel stressed about it anymore.  I feel like I will be able to tackle some of these things.

It is actually a weird feeling, to feel typical.  Well, actually, I don't feel typical, probably never will.  But it feels weird to not live in constant drama.  I am not a drama queen, I do not seek drama out like some people I know.  I do know a mom who has a daughter with FAS, and this mom is addicted to the drama her daughter brings.  She is the type of person who wants people to feel bad for her at all times and when her daughter is in an out of home placement, she misses the drama.

I do not.  But there is certainly an adjustment period to not dealing with the drama daily.  This feeling is similar but different to when my mom died 7 years ago.  She spent the last three months of her life living with us, and was sick for 11 months.  My every waking minute (and many of my sleeping minutes), were consumed with caring for her, fighting for her, loving her.  When she passed, I was a zombie for sometime.  Not only due to losing her and dealing with that grief, but also from the change in a daily routine that I had become accustomed to.

I am thankful for how the Lord has sustained us.  I am thankful for how He has watched over Akila and protected her.  I am thankful for so many of the details that He has worked out.  I am very thankful and blessed.


Blessed said...

So glad you are feeling this peace and renewal, Barb!!!

And so glad Akila is still happy in her placement. I'll pray she continues to feel so. And you all do too!

DynamicDuo said...

Last summer our girls went to visit my brother and sister out of state - gone for a week... the first time in ten years.
Didn't know what to do with myself, the house was too quiet, I didn't need to be on guard all the time.
Trying to slowly let them go now as I know that soon they will be leaving us to transition into adulthood, can't imagine it tho', they just are not capable of living on their own...
I understand the sadness and the grief and also the hope for a less chaotic daily life.

Wendy said...

what a blessing that Akila is happy there - at least for a while. And I'm glad you're getting some restful time, everybody needs a break sometimes.

Is Akila's placement permanent?