Monday, April 23, 2012

Hard to find the "right" word

It is weird.  To feel almost "normal".  Maybe "typical" is the better word.  That doesn't work either I guess.  I know many people get all squirmish over the use of the word "normal".

I am a mean friend.  I texted Dorothy and Julie one night last week.  My text said something like, "my life is so easy right now".  It doesn't feel right.  Yet it does.  Maybe I should go and find my old friends who have "normal" or "typical" families.  It has been hard to fit in with them for years.    That was a mean text, as with their 11 kids each, their lives are anything but easy.  Quite the opposite as a matter of fact.

I don't feel guilty that life is "easy" right now.  I'm not sure if "easy" is the right word either.  I can still get emotional in a second flat about Akila not being home.  It is not at all "easy" for her to be gone.  So I guess "easy" isn't the right word either.  Maybe I should go with "different".  It does feel "different" to have her gone.  Yeah, that's it.  That's the ticket.  It is "different".

It is not easy.  Or typical.  Or normal.  It is far from it to be any of those words, when your daughter is living 4 hours away in a place where you don't know the people.  It is not typical.  Or normal.  Or easy.  To talk to your daughter on the phone each night, and to not have seen her for 26 days.  It is not typical.  Or normal.  Or easy.  To talk to her and have her be in the best mood you have heard her in for months.  Years.  It is so different.  Very different.

4 comments:

NoMatterWhatMom said...

"Different" is a good word. In a world of abuse- and neglect-related issues, "different" can be downright--different. Refreshing. Even in the midst of grief. And relief.

dorothy said...

I resisted texting you back....."Whatever...you can think your life is 'normal' if that makes you feel good!'

Love you!

Wendy said...

I don't think there's a word in English to describe what its like for you and your family! Maybe you should make one up - I'm sure it would be in worldwide usage in short order!

For what its worth, I don't think you're mean - I think you've earned it! (Dorothy - if I were you, I wouldn't have resisted, I'd have sent it. LOL)

the johnson crew said...

love you