Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Structure within the home

I was just trying to explain to somebody how I anticipate things working out when Akila returns home. I fully expect things to be nutty again, and for it to be back to "normal" fairly quickly. I said that we plan on trying to implement some of the structure that the crisis home has, but we can't do it all.

After all, we want to remain a home, and if you place to much structure within the home, it will not feel homey. That is my opinion. One of the things they have been doing at the crisis home, is having Akila shower right after school before she can do any of her choice activities. She fights this every day. She did at home as well, and we normally tried to get her to do them in the evening. They did originally, and switched it to after school due to the problems that would arise at bed time.

She complains to me almost every day about the shower schedule. It infuriates her. I tell her that I agree with them and that she will have to do it at home also. She is not happy about this. Well, here is what I anticipate. All 4 kids get home from school, and I spend 30-120 minutes trying to get Akila to take a shower. While the other 3 kids sit and wait for attention/help. And during this shower game, she will be violent. There will be restraints. It will not be pretty. They have been doing this shower schedule with her for 9 weeks, and she is still fighting it. Not to mention that when she gets home, she will think that all the rules at the crisis home go out the window. Even though I have told her that we are going to implement some of the same rules, including the shower schedule. Blasted puberty and body odor issues. I so wish she did not need a shower everyday!!!!!!

So I am struggling with which of the rules to bring home, what kind of structure makes sense within our household. I admit I am not a structured or organized person. It is not in my nature. I am willing to do some of it for sure, but I don't think we will be able to make enough changes that it will make a big enough difference.


jodilee0123 said...

Thinking and praying for you during this difficult process.

DynamicDuo said...

any afterschool program that the other kids could attend while you and akila deal with showering? Have you tried a bath instead of shower? My girls go back and forth between taking a shower or bath, sometimes I feel its a matter of how stimulated/stressed they are.

Megan said...

I am with you on the shower-thing. The need for daily showers just "stinks"! Ha! For some reason a daily (or even weekly!) shower or bath (any choice) makes one of my children scream for hours. I don't know if it is a sensory issue or just the fact that this child has to do something they don't want to do. We've tried bubble bath, music in the bathroom, racing a timer, chocolate as a reward, all sorts of pleasantries and nothing works to get through without screaming. Bummer!

I'm praying for this transition for your family and for wisdom as you sort out which of the rules from the crisis home you will bring home...kind, firm and consistent! You are doing great!