Tuesday, September 7, 2010

New level

I can't even think of what to title this post. I should probably title it rambling, or whining, cuz I feel a rant coming on.

Today was the day I have been counting down to for 90 days. It was lovely, until 3:30, or should I say 3:40. The first ten minutes after the kids got home, Akila was quiet as all were telling me of their first day of school. Sometimes it takes her a little before she is ready to talk so I was waiting. Then she started in on wanting to get her hair done. Oh boy, here we go.

I said no in all the ways possible without saying no. Didn't work. I also said no, about a thousand times. Escalated into a rage. She got violent, destructive. I ended up restraining her, until about 4:30. Then she kind of settled down, but not really. Angie was coming to get her tonight and I was so thankful for that as I could tell she was tightly wound.

Angie arrived, said she could choose to go to a movie, or bowling. Akila chose the movie. She wanted me to give her money so she could buy lip gloss. I said no, they weren't going to a store, and she did not need lip gloss (she has at least 20 lip glosses). I even said I would give her some money for candy at the movie theatre. No go. She escalated, and escalated. And poor Angie got to witness it all.

She started to hit, I had to restrain, it was not pretty. We went out to the car at one point, I was hoping this would distract Akila and she would just go. Instead she picked a mongo stick, more like a tree branch, and was threatening to hit me with it. I took it from her. She was still being violent. I tried to go in the house thinking she might just go with Angie. No go. We all ended up back in the house. I finally gave her the countdown to if she didn't stop and just go with Angie, that Angie would have to leave. She then whipped me in the face with a jump rope (not super hard, but it stung a little).

So I had to say thank you Angie, but it isn't going to work (I really am sorry Angie that we wasted your time!). Angie got ready to leave, then Akila begged to go. She followed Angie to her car, I had to physically drag her away from Angie's car. Angie pulled away. At this point, I would not been surprised to see Akila's head spin like the scene from the Exorcist. She had already been being the most angry and violent that I had seen in a long time. She took it to the next level. She went nuts. I mean nuts.

We went back in the house. She ended up needing to be restrained again as she was being unsafe. All the while, Imani and Zeke are playing at the neighbors, but Hezekiah has been in and out of the craze. I was sitting on Akila in the living room, restraining her, she was out of sorts, drooling, and carrying on about lip gloss, and I lost it temporarily, emotionally. A few tears were rolling down my face as it hit me that we were in a new phase, a new level. Several times a year, we are at a new level of stress/issues/problems with Akila's FASD behaviors. This was a new one. She had raged violently in front of someone else.

In the past, she has usually been more restrained around people, other than our immediate family. She might call a name, or curse very quietly, and even kick me in a restrained fashion, but never rage. And she really let loose. The same goes for in a store. Normally, she would in a restrained way, kick my shin, or curse quietly. Yesterday, she threw a major rage in a crowded thrift store. We left with nothing. Outside of the store, in front of tons of people, she bite me, kicked me, cold cocked me in the face, and was just seething with venom. We are at a new level.

As I was sitting on Akila tonight, with tears rolling down my face, Hezekiah walked in the door. He immediately started crying when he saw me crying. I could do nothing to comfort him. I just told him to go back outside and to Ms. Kathy's house until I called later. Kathy then called, and drove my boys both to football practice at 6:00. Shortly after 6:00, Akila kind of settled down, but was still full of anger. She stared at me with an evil look, and was completely rude and her mouth was out of control. I just ignored it.

At 6:45, she went to the neighbors to play, and for that I am thankful. Michael got home, I went to football practice, and got home at 8:15 and she gave me a big hug cuz she was so glad I was home. Oblivious to anything that occurred for practically the whole night. 3 hours of raging. 3 hours.

I just emailed her Psychiatrist. We will see if we try anything new on the medication front. I am exhausted. My knee is killing me, and I have that radiating pain out of my lower back that you get when you are really stressed. Thank goodness there is school tomorrow so I can rest up. I am not sure if this had anything to do with the transition back to school. Usually transitions like this don't phase Akila too much like it can with other kids. But maybe it is now.

I called on Friday about how to qualify for a PCA. I had to do a parent referral. Now I wait 2-3 weeks for an assessor to call me to schedule an appt, which will probably be 2-3 weeks out. Let's pray that by the new year we have some support.


GB's Mom said...

That sucked for you and your family. Wish I could help. {{{Hugs}}}

Anonymous said...

It's never a waste of my time; never think that it is. I only wish there was more I could have done at the time to help relieve some of the stress for you.

jeff said...

Don't worry your not crazy, there are thousands of caregivers going through the same issues. Check out my site for some suggestions. Hang in there help is on the way.


Anonymous said...

Wow...you are one tough women for continuing to care for that young girl. To be honest...if my girl ever gets to that point, as cold as it may sound...I think she would be gone for the safety and sanity of my other kids and myself.

Journeying said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Journeying said...

We went through the "now raging in front of someone other than Mom" when J was in Gr.8. That year was far beyond "difficult." {{{HUGS}}}