Friday, September 26, 2008

Journal Entry

I am still in a deep cleaning mode, have been for 4 weeks now, you would think my house would be spotless. I was cleaning out our family room where all the toys are yesterday. It took all day. I found a notebook with the above entry from Akila. I crossed out the boys name.
It makes me sad. You might think that it makes me sad because she wants to have a baby so much when she grows up and more than likely won't be able to due to her Turner Syndrome. No, I feel like this is a blessing, she should never have children. That does make me sad I guess, but I know it would not be good for her or for a child for her to be parenting.
Obviously it makes me sad how obsessed she is with sex. Many parents or professionals would say that it is normal to have an entry like this, that kids are curious at this age about sex and all that gobbley gook. It is not normal, I guarantee it. If this was an isolated incident, or something that rarely happens and I could use it as a spring board for a deep discussion, that would be more normal. No, trust me, Akila has a very unhealthy obsession with sex. And it is going to break my heart over and over for the rest of my life. This I know.


Sage said...

Oh, the many, many faces of FASD. Most folks have no clue of the multitude of issues involved with raising kids with FASD. It's tough to deal with it all.....BUT, you seem do be doing a very good job. Keep on keeping on!!


Amy said...

Ugh. My stomach dropped reading that and I don't know what to say - I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Being a mom is always hard but this is REALLY hard.

Monica said...

I have found similar things written by my (now 13) year old when she was younger. Also not in a "normal" way. Hers mentioned specific boys and also that she would have sex with anybody who does "boy-girl". So sad.

party of eight said...

dear barb. i'm crying. my heart is heavy for you. i don't know what i would do if i found a note like that, but i do know i would be crushed. i'm going to be praying for you more.

Thandi said...

I know I'm very late, but I only found your blog today.Thank you for being so open and honest.I'm South african, living in Cape Town and I am so grateful that there are non Africans willing to adopt black kids.Thank you for opening your home and not being prejudiced.And thank you for letting us into your world.It's humbling.