Michael and I took Akila out to dinner and to buy school shoes on Saturday afternoon. I have never enjoyed shopping with her. You would think that since she is obsessed with shopping, that she would be fun, and in a good mood since we are buying things for her. She is somewhat, but there is a bigger issue.
The issue, is that she always has a certain idea in her head of what she wants, and this is a recipe for disaster. It never works. I will never forget the time that she thought we were going to find hot pink skinny jeans with glitter on them. Or the time that she thought we were going to find jeans with rips in them and sequins on the pockets with the exact design that she had seen some girl wearing. It just plain old sucks.
Trying to get an idea of what she was hoping for in shoes doesn't help either. She wanted Nike's, and that was about all she could tell us. We told her that we weren't willing to go very high in price, so that makes it hard right there when looking at Nike's, although you can find a good deal of them for a decent price. But not the kind she has in mind. And of course, the kind she has in mind, are how do you say it.... GHETTO. There is no PC way of saying it.
We first looked At Dicks Sporting Goods. No luck. Then went to Ridgedale Mall. Looked at about every store that carries shoes, with no luck. Saw lots of great shoes, that Michael and I both likes. But she was looking for a certain pair, of course. Finally, she finds the pair. $84. Of course. I tell her that is too high and it won't work. She is not happy. Of course. Funny thing, is that hey are just a plain pair of white Nike's. Nothing else on them, pretty ugly in my mind. But she must know a few kids with them.
I show her a pair almost exactly like them, that are Nike's, but much less expensive. She doesn't want them because they don't have the circles on the bottom. On the BOTTOM. I explain that people don't see the bottom of her feet anyway. But she is adamant. So I tell her we should leave the store because there aren't any options there that fit our criteria. She wants to just try on the $84 shoes. I say no, that I don't want to tease her. She is starting to get mad. Getting a bit upset. She got a little snotty.
I told her that we should take a break from shopping and go get some dinner and then finish shopping. She didn't like that idea and she was kind of escalating. I had to tell her that we could take her back to the crisis home (I used the name of it though) if she was going to get out of control and yucky, or that we could go have dinner, and then finish shopping. She didn't like this, and asked "What'd I do?" This made me laugh inside. She will say this 4 seconds after she has hit us or kicked us and we are upset with her. She will ask this right after hitting one of the other kids, or right after calling us every swear word in the book. I explained that she didn't do anything, but I thought we should take a break, eat dinner, and then finish shopping.
She finally went along. I can guarantee, if we were not in the current living situation- meaning her living in a crisis home- she would have totally lost it at that point. But, she is aware of the situation, and trying not to lose it. She did not want to go back there early. As we were walking to the restaurant, she said this was the worst day of her life.
We then got to the restaurant, had a nice time eating, got her totally focusing off of the shoes. 3/4 through the meal, she asked if we could go back to one of the shoe stores where she had earlier seen some shoes she had liked and she was keeping as a back up, and get them. I said sure. We went there, got some shoes, and were on our way.
It was nice. We had some great moments of holding her hand, getting some great smiles and lots of loving. But we were also reminded of how much we walk on the edge with her, and how we are just one step away from disaster all the time.
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