Akila called three times this afternoon/evening. I might have to ask that they cut her calls from 3 to 2, on weekdays at least. I feel like I am on the phone with her every hour in the evening. The good thing is that she wasn't perseverating about coming home. She was back to an old obsession.
Frankly, I was very relieved that there was a few miles in between us tonight on the phone- if there wasn't, no doubt she would have escalated and been hitting. I am going to go and visit her tomorrow evening. I will take her out to dinner, and she wanted to do something else. Getting fake fingernails at the nail salon was her brilliant idea. I calmly said no. And we went round and round like we have umpteen million times on this topic, my most favorite topic of all. She must have seen someone today with some pretty fake fingernails. God help me.
She wouldn't get off the topic, until I threatened that I was going to end the call if she brought them up again. She was trying to make a compromise. Hahahaha. No my darling, I will not compromise on these stupid things, which have been the instigation of at least 100 rages over the past 3 years. Have caused me many bruises, scratches, and headaches. I have compromised several times, and where did it get me? Right to rageville. No dear, mommy has learned her lesson. I know that you keep telling me you have learned your lesson, but my gut tells me otherwise. Sadly.
I could not think of something for us to do, that is free or inexpensive. It is suppose to be rainy and chilly, so a park is out of the question or something outdoors. Finally, I remembered that she has been begging me to go and see Elijah at the hospital again, so that is what we settled on. Perfect. I get to hang out with her, Elijah and Julie. Now I am looking forward to it even more.
I just pray that she doesn't bring up the fake fingernails. I need to do some deep breathing or anger control skills (the ones we have tried repeatedly to teach her) when I hear the term fake fingernails. I am pretty sure that if you hooked me up to some machines, you would see my blood pressure rise when the term is brought up. And I don't want to pass judgement on any of you who wear fake fingernails, but every time I see someone with them on, a little bit of vile comes up in my throat. I might need some therapy, I have issues with fake fingernails.
I will go
3 days ago