Sunday, September 4, 2011

Day 4

Today we went to church without the distraction of Akila. Well, almost. Church is at 11:00, and she still had not called by the time we got there. The past few mornings, she has called around 8:30 am. Sure enough, she called around 11:05. Half way through the service, I went to the bathroom and called her back. We were going to Michael's brother's for lunch after church and I didn't want to call her back in the car like last night, in case she was sobbing again. I didn't want the kids to have to listen to me try to talk her down again.

Once again, she was wanting to come home. I tried to distract her, and ask her questions, like what she had for breakfast, what she was going to to today, etc. But she either wouldn't answer or would give a short answer and go back to her agenda quickly. I told her that we don't know when she is coming back home and that she should just focus on each day and working on showing positive behavior and controlling her anger. This is of course not what she wants to hear so she starts to get a little snotty, the Akila that I know well shows up. I tell her I have to get back into church and to call me later.

She calls later in the afternoon when we are at Dan and Tara's and is complaining about one of the boys at the home who is raging and trying to hit one of the staff. Says it scares her when she sees him doing that to the staff. I tell her that is what Imani, Hezekiah and Zeke have been watching her do to her mom and dad for 4 years, and that it scared them. Asked her if she remembers them crying. She didn't like that. Said it was different. I disagreed.

She told me again that she had learned her lesson. She asked if she could come home on Wednesday. Evidently, she decided to choose a day, and she chose Wednesday for some reason. I said no. They have said not to tell her a certain day or give her a number, since things change and you don't want to let them down or be deceitful. I keep telling her that we both need a break, she needs one from us, and we need one also from her behaviors.

As we were at Dan and Tara's, they pointed out that this is the first time we were actually able to sit and talk without having to run interference with Akila on and off the entire time. We sat and talked peacefully for hours. It was really nice. On our way home, we stopped by Dorothy's house who had a couple of meals for us that she and Julie had gotten for us (thanks ladies!). When we got home, we popped the bake n take pizza in the oven, and sat down for the rest of the evening and played Monopoly (Imani received Monopoly today for her bday from her aunt and uncle) with the 3 kids. We have never done this. Game nights do not go well with Akila. They always end in disaster, especially a game like Monopoly. Akila would never be able to have the patience to play Monopoly.

Driving home, I heard some sniffling from the back of the van and turned to see Zeke crying. I turned the radio off and asked what was the matter. He was crying pretty hard and said that he missed Akila. I choked back some tears and asked what made him think of her at that moment- I was trying to think of if Michael and I had just been talking about her. I have been trying to be careful to not be talking about her in front of the kids. He said the song on the radio made him think of her. We were listening to a Christian radio station, but I don't even know what the song was. We all just gave him a rub on the knee or whatever we could from do from our seats and told him it was good that he missed her and that we missed her also. We also told him that we were going to visit her in a few days. He liked that idea.

We will go to visit her on Tuesday evening, after her first day of school. I am excited and nervous. I am only nervous, as I don't want to deal with her whining to come home. I told her that I won't be answering the phone or calling her back if all she does is whine about coming home. But she won't understand that. She has been there for 4 days, and will probably be there for 45 days. I hope we get over this hump soon.


MARY B. said...

Thank you so much for sharing this journey with your readers. I can not imagine the choices you have been making but as a foster/adoptive parent I know we may one day be dealing with similar circumstances and decisions. I am learning so much about FASD, the impact on a family, and how to be a better parent our children. I'm wondering if the quiet in the house at the moment is uncomfortable. We have experienced total chaos from dawn to dusk daily with foster children and it's only after they leave do we realize that somehow we became accustomed to the disruptions...the peace then becomes odd. Peace

AKBrady said...

We're thinking about you. And you will get over this hump. It just takes a while to absorb and shuffle your lives around. Praying.