Yesterday was day 26 in a row of serious aggression. Never has it lasted this long in the past. All she does the entire time she is home is cycle up and down. And when she is up, she is physical and totally out of control. I have been talking with our social worker, but as many of you know, counties move slowly. It seems like the more desperate you are, the slower they are.
Last night, after she had calmed down from her 2nd rage of the evening (and she did not get home until 7:30- she was at dance with a PCA), I was helping her to get something. I can't remember why, but I said thank you to her. I got yelled at and was told not to say thank you to her.
Another scene which was classic to a movie, was when her new PCA brought her home from dance. She was in a good mood, really positive and nice. She was hungry but wanted to wait until the PCA left before she ate. I started to warm up her dinner before the PCA had left and she told me to wait as she hadn't left yet. I waited and once the PCA left, she turned nasty. Extremely nasty. Similar to in the movies when a friend, or even the police arrive, and the abuser turns on their sweetness, and as soon as they leave, they let go.
I know that I am very open and honest in my blog. Some people criticize me for that. I get that. There might be a time when I need to go private, or have fake names. The time is not here now. Right now, I can't tell you how many emails and comments I get from people who appreciate my honesty and are living similar lives and are relieved to know they are not alone.
We have known for years that Akila might not be able to always live in our home. We have been trying to prepare ourselves and the other kids, and even Akila for that for years. We know we are at that point. But unfortunately, we are having to play the waiting game with the county. They have procedures and funding limits. Those things are incredibly hard to understand when you are desperate, which we are now.
Akila is with a PCA this week Mon-Wed in the evenings and we have them working with her out of our house. Thursday and Friday evening, she has dance rehearsals and all day Saturday, she has dance performances. Sunday afternoon and evening is a time we need to fill. It does not work to be in our home for more than an hour or so with her. Last Sunday was a nightmare. The day of rest. There is no rest for the weary, that is for sure. We do appreciate all of your concern, and especially your prayers.