Wednesday, January 18, 2012


We are in a tough place right now. We are working on things behind the scenes, but everything takes time. And time is a hard thing right now, as Akila is on fire all the time when she is home. We have one PCA and she has cut her hours to one day a week. Looking for some new ones, but it takes time.

Last night, Akila had some time on the computer earlier in the evening. She then wanted more and I reminded her that she had used her time already and that I would help her find something else to do. She escalated. Immediately. She went straight to hitting, punching and kicking. Immediately. I was sitting in a chair in the living room, and she came right up to me and started kicking and got right in my face, which was hard to do as I was sitting.

I remained very calm. I reminded her of some ideas to calm down, take a break. I stopped talking, and stared at a spot on the wall, while she sat and rambled on in a very angry voice about how I am ruining her life. She attempted to hit me in the face a few times. Sometimes when she does this, she tries to get as close as she can without hitting you, just to tease you and make you flinch. I am pretty good at not flinching much, but a few times this is when she has hit me. It is such a fun game.

Super Nanny says not to communicate or talk with a child who is acting like this, as they are wanting the fight. With Akila, it infuriates her when you don't talk and she gets even more angry. I eventually got up during this fun situation and told her I was going into a different room to take a break. She followed me hitting me in the back and kicking me. I warned her that I was going to have to restrain her if she kept on hurting me.

During this fun situation, which lasted for sure 53 minutes (that is when I started to time it), the other 3 kids came in and out of the area asking homework questions and other things. It is so strange that this seems "normal" to them. Michael came home during the fun and was super awesome. He was very calm as was I, and he kept on trying to distract her. He was wanting her to try a mint and stayed calm while she was being rude.

Eventually, I had to restrain her as she would not stop attacking. Michael came in and helped me to restrain her, which escalates her even more. When we were done restraining her, she sat on the floor trying to calm down. After a little while, we were talking to her about her behavior. She told us that we need to restrain her as it helps her to calm down. But I think she heard us saying that is why we tried OT. Several people had wondered if she raged so she could get restrained as a sensory outlet. The OT we saw did not think so, nor do I. But now she thinks that cuz she heard others say it. Great.

At bedtime last night, she threw a headband on the floor in anger and then rudely commanded me to pick it up. I nicely told her it could stay on the floor or she could pick it up. She got very mad, and pushy, and kept on commanding me to pick it up. Now, I just hate this situation more than you can understand. I really just want to pick up the blasted headband so she will go to bed and not get all agitated which is going to mean a minimum of 30 more minutes before I'm done messing around with her, but more like 60 minutes. Everything in me wanted to pick it up and get her to bed. But I didn't. We went a couple of rounds and eventually, she went to bed with the headband on the floor. It was 43 minutes later. I have been getting into timing our escapades.

Tonight was a decent night. I was only kicked once, pushed 4 times and hit three times. You know life is interesting when that is a good night.


DynamicDuo said...

oh barb I wish I had magic words or simply just magic, a nod of the head or a twitch of my nose. I am thankful that our girls have outgrown this behavior to a big degree, maybe once a month or every other we have to go through your episode. Hope, maybe?.... The hardest part for me was that with twins it was a tag-team affair and it was always ugly.... thinking of you tonite

Anonymous said...

Hello, how do you remain calm? I think that's one of my biggest hurdles at the moment. Hoping your "behind the scenes" stuff comes together quickly.

Psycho Mom said...

Some days I am better at remaining calm. Since she returned home, I haven't lost my cool too many times. I think the 3 month break helped. By the end of summer before she went into crisis, I was not doing a good job of being calm often enough. Thanks for your support!