Sunday, January 29, 2012


I don't even know how to post on today's events. Akila refused to go to church today. I told her if she didn't go that we would not go to the store to spend her token money. She still refused to go. I made the consequence very clear. We drove off for church, hoping that would motivate (scare) her into coming. We drove around the block and Michael ended up staying home with her.

Two minutes after the kids and I returned home, she was asking to go to the store. I told her she would have to wait until next Sunday, and we could do it then if she went to church. We will only go once a week to spend the money, or she wants to do it 4 times a week. Anyway, she did not like the consequence, and she got violent. Quickly. It was not pretty.

Michael called the crisis line while I dealt with her. This may sound funny, but there is a reason. I do the majority of the restraining and stuff for a reason. She is completely out of control by the time she needs to be restrained, and this is when he isn't even in the same area of the house. When he then enters the room, she goes through the roof. She escalates at the sign of him entering the room, and this is because she knows that he is the head of our household. He does come in the room, but if he does this before she is in a restraint, it is not pretty. He also has not had restraint training like I have, and is usually not in the room when the restraint needs to be started.

As I said earlier this week, we called the crisis line in our county and it didn't work that well. You first call an answering service, and it takes 15 minutes for a return call. That happened last week, and again today. When they called back, Michael told the lady he wanted her to come out. She said it would be 30-60 minutes at least. Fine. Really fine.

Meanwhile, Akila is now sobbing that she wants to go to her bedroom and calm down, which we had been suggesting forever prior to the restraint. I finally tell her I will get off of her, if she goes straight up to her room, and does not kick or hit me as I am "unrestrainng" her. This is when I am most vulnerable, is when I am getting off of her at the end of a restraint, she almost always kicks and hits me more.

Sure enough, she ran to the dining room, grabbed a heavy duty stapler to throw at me. Then tried to throw the computer printer. Then kicked and hit me. Then hit Michael in the face before I got a hold of her to put her in a hold again. As I was trying to get her into a hold, she cold cocked me pretty hard in the side of the face (cheekbone/eye area). It was a stinger, I could feel my heart beating in the area she hit.

We had had enough. We called 911 as our social worker and many others have suggested we do. Minute the police car pulled up in front of the house, she calmed down instantly. We were so blessed though that the Lord sent the right cop. He came into the house, said immediately to Akila, "don't even try to tell me that your mom and dad assaulted you cuz we're not going there". We had not said a word yet. I was impressed!!! As I am sitting on top of my little girl. Anyway, he got her to agree to not attack, which was no problem as she was instantly calmed by his presence and I knew she would not attack or do anything while he was there. That would make it too easy for us.

He told her that his 18 year old son did the same thing 6 years ago, and he was the one calling his local police to come and help. Thank you Jesus, someone who really does get it. He asked what was going on, I filled him on briefly with a crackly voice on the brink of bursting out crying. Thank you Jesus for helping me to hold off on the flood. He asked what we wanted to do. I said I would like him to transport her to the local hospital that deals with adolescent behaviors. He said OK, let's do it.

Wow, again, thank you God. I know of so many people who have had to call the police only to meet resistance. He was not condescending, but was great. Five minutes later, I was in my car and he was following me to the hospital. Yes, he followed me, and I did not like it that way. As I would zone out, I would start to speed and it was freaking me out. Haha. Do you think he would have given me a speeding ticket if I had been speeding?

Anyway, long story short, they did not admit her which is exactly what we expected. They usually will only do that if she is of harm to self or others on arrival or present that way while there. Akila was as calm, quiet and sweet as could be. They gave her apple juice, a warm blanket, and were so sweet to her. Did this bother me? Yes. Should it have? Probably not. But again, a part of me wanted her to let loose and go nuts while we were there. I wanted more witnesses. What I really wanted, was someone to actually help her. Help me. Help us.

Their suggestions were for her to:
1. Go back to the crisis home- not an option until July again
2. Give her her evening bedtime meds so she is sedated and then send us home. It was about 5:30 at this point.
3. Is there any kind of respite or somewhere else she could go?

Once I knew for sure they were not going to admit her, I just wanted to leave. Check another thing off my list that we did that the social worker is telling us to do as we wait to see if they will find an appropriate out of home placement for her. They said they would give her the meds and wait until they had kicked in before I needed to take her home. I didn't think that calling our new respite provider and having her take Akila on a school night was going to work. It would have been a lot of work to make that work, and was another stupid band-aid approach. So, I said give her the meds. What I really wanted to say, was "great idea. Give her the meds, she has never hit, punched, kicked or bitten me after she has had her evening meds."- except for every single night the last month!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nonetheless, that is what we did. We left an hour or so later for home. I didn't say much in the car, but she did. She apologized and said she was going to try harder and that she would stop hitting us. She specifically apologized for hitting me in the face. Then, about 5 minutes from our home, she got mad as I didn't turn on a road she wanted me to. She threatened to stab me, she called me every name in the book and threatened to kill me also. Welcome home honey.

We got inside the house, things were calm for awhile, then about 1/2 hour later, exploded again. Big time. The kids were downstairs in the pool room and we were upstairs with Akila. Michael and I both went into the boys bedroom and locked the door (we have a french door on our bedroom, with a window pane that is already missing as she has kicked it out). Now, at this point, I am very thankful we live in an old house with solid doors. Cuz she gave the door a run for it's money!! She kicked and swore and hollered and bellowed and went absolutely nutty. We just stood there looking at each other in amazement. I was wondering how long til she tries to start breaking things, or comes up with some other idea. After probably 10 minutes, she started to threaten that she was going to go downstairs and attack the kids.

We listened to her start to go down the stairs, but she was bluffing. She came right back up and thought we didn't know it. She went nuts again. Eventually, we risked it and came out. A few punches later, and she was done, for the time being. The rest of the evening was up and down, and it is only by God's grace that I got her to bed. I am so thankful for Monday, it is 30 minutes away- and for once it is a 5 day school week.

I did want to say that the Dr. that we eventually saw at the hospital (a Psychiatrist), was good. He told me a few things that were exactly what I suspected. He gave me some advise. He was not at all rude to us, or judgemental for us to be there. I know other people who have been in the exact chair, I mean same physical chair I was sitting in, and have been given the run around. He acknowledged that we are playing a game, and that we just need to keep at the county and he even put in his report that Akila needs out of home placement.

It was not a fun day. By any means. But I am thankful I had the opportunity to go to church (sad Michael couldn't), to be lifted up in prayers by so many of you, and I am also glad that God was putting the right people in place today to make what we went through more bearable.


Kari said...

Oh Barb. I'm so sorry.

Marge said...

I don't know how you keep going.....
prayers for strength and safety and above all, for help for Akila.

dorothy said...

ick. life. ick anyway. :(

Anonymous said...

So, so hard. Lifting you in prayer.

Gloria said...

Sorry to hear what you went through. One thing I don't understand is.... Akila IS a danger to you and the kids in the house. She hurted you. Isn't that enough to admit her to the hospital? My daughter cut my hand with a knife and we admitted her to the ER and then to a psychiatric facility for a week. That seem to taught her a lesson since she hasn't done anything like this. Praying that you will find an out of house placement for her soon.

Carrie said...


I am so sorry. Singing "Stronger" in worship was fitting, wasn't it? Praying for all of you!

Kerry said...

I'm so sorry life is so hard for you guys right now. I am praying for you.

Jenny said...

Praying for you!!

Betsy said...

UGH! SO sorry to hear and praying for you all!

Psycho Mom said...

Carrie- yes, I almost blogged about the song, "Stronger", I cried through the entire song. It was perfect!

jodilee0123 said...

I am so sorry! I am also so glad everyone worked with you as best they could. Wow...I will most definitely pray, pray and pray!

Anonymous said...

Bummer. I feel sad for Akila and sad for you, your hubby, and the other kids.
I was a little surprised that you described your husband as "the head of the household." I thought marriage was an equal partnership. I'm not criticizing, just thought that kind of thinking went out with buggy whips and child labor.
I hope you are able to jump through the hoops you need to get Akila housed somewhere safe before she does serious harm.