We had a rough morning, again. I let the kids all sleep in and drove them to school. After two nights in a row of Akila getting up by 4:00 am (maybe sooner, this is when I heard her), she was very tired looking last night, bloodshot eyes and all. Akila took her meds and got ready OK, but as we were going out the door, the other 3 were already out the door, she wanted to take a Nintendo DS with her to school which is against the rules.
She went nuts. I said she could bring it in the van, but leave it with me when we got to school. No go, she went into the red zone. Kicking, swearing, went out the front door and kicked it and dented it a few times, went to the van and started kicking it but thankfully did not leave any more dents. She would not get in the van, so I got in. She finally got in, but climbed into the front passenger seat to try to go out the passenger door, went out that door and fell in the snow bank. The door was open, she grabbed one of the kids piano books on the seat and threw it into the snow. She was refusing to get in, calling names, swearing.
She grabbed the snow scrapper and threw it at me, and then grabbed a 1/2 full water bottle. She realized it had water in it, so she took the lid off of it and threw it at me so water sprayed all over the dashboard. I, acting like a mad child, took it and poured the rest of the water on her. Proud moment. This infuriated her even more. She jumped in the van lunging at me, kicked the gear shifter thingie on the van and I thought she had broken it for a minute. I could not get her to calm down, and at this point, I was not calm anymore.
Eventually, she finally got back and into her seat, hit and kicked me a few more times, then threatened Hezekiah as he maybe laughed a little. When we finally were able to pull away from our house, I realized that Hezekiah was quietly sobbing in the back seat. Thankfully, Imani had chosen to sit in the far back in between the boys. Hezekiah was leaning on Imani, and crying.
Eventually, Zeke was also leaning on Imani with a sad face. After about 5 minutes of silence, Akila started talking normal like nothing had just occurred.
Then, we got to school. We pull up in the alley where the buses drop off, and are in the middle of the buses (this is where parents drop off also). The other 3 get out, Akila stays back thinking that I am going to give her a piece of gum. On mornings where she has been cooperative, she gets a piece of gum on the way out the door. There was no way I was giving her a piece of gum today. She went nuts again. Kicking, hitting, swearing. The sliding door is open, kids are walking past, and she could care less. A teacher is at the door, and I am sure she must have seen some of the scene.
When I left the school, I cried all the way home. This new level of violence and raging, is something I have no idea how to handle once it has began. I know the best answer is to prevent her getting into the red zone, but sometimes, you can't prevent it.
Which is more difficult?
13 hours ago