We had a rough morning, again. I let the kids all sleep in and drove them to school. After two nights in a row of Akila getting up by 4:00 am (maybe sooner, this is when I heard her), she was very tired looking last night, bloodshot eyes and all. Akila took her meds and got ready OK, but as we were going out the door, the other 3 were already out the door, she wanted to take a Nintendo DS with her to school which is against the rules.
She went nuts. I said she could bring it in the van, but leave it with me when we got to school. No go, she went into the red zone. Kicking, swearing, went out the front door and kicked it and dented it a few times, went to the van and started kicking it but thankfully did not leave any more dents. She would not get in the van, so I got in. She finally got in, but climbed into the front passenger seat to try to go out the passenger door, went out that door and fell in the snow bank. The door was open, she grabbed one of the kids piano books on the seat and threw it into the snow. She was refusing to get in, calling names, swearing.
She grabbed the snow scrapper and threw it at me, and then grabbed a 1/2 full water bottle. She realized it had water in it, so she took the lid off of it and threw it at me so water sprayed all over the dashboard. I, acting like a mad child, took it and poured the rest of the water on her. Proud moment. This infuriated her even more. She jumped in the van lunging at me, kicked the gear shifter thingie on the van and I thought she had broken it for a minute. I could not get her to calm down, and at this point, I was not calm anymore.
Eventually, she finally got back and into her seat, hit and kicked me a few more times, then threatened Hezekiah as he maybe laughed a little. When we finally were able to pull away from our house, I realized that Hezekiah was quietly sobbing in the back seat. Thankfully, Imani had chosen to sit in the far back in between the boys. Hezekiah was leaning on Imani, and crying.
Eventually, Zeke was also leaning on Imani with a sad face. After about 5 minutes of silence, Akila started talking normal like nothing had just occurred.
Then, we got to school. We pull up in the alley where the buses drop off, and are in the middle of the buses (this is where parents drop off also). The other 3 get out, Akila stays back thinking that I am going to give her a piece of gum. On mornings where she has been cooperative, she gets a piece of gum on the way out the door. There was no way I was giving her a piece of gum today. She went nuts again. Kicking, hitting, swearing. The sliding door is open, kids are walking past, and she could care less. A teacher is at the door, and I am sure she must have seen some of the scene.
When I left the school, I cried all the way home. This new level of violence and raging, is something I have no idea how to handle once it has began. I know the best answer is to prevent her getting into the red zone, but sometimes, you can't prevent it.
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9 comments:
Some days the dragon wins. I am sorry your morning was so awful. I am sending hugs and prayers your way. I wish I could do more.
Barb, everytime I read something like this from AKila, my heart breaks for you . . . and her.
Maybe it is time to adjust meds. Dustin did a short time of raging and I couldn't take it. That's when we pulled out the "big gun" mood stabilizers.
I am sorry it is so hard.
Praying for peace.
Thanks ladies,
Sheri-we are on a new kind of med (mood stabilizer(, and we are wondering if it might be adding to Akila's behavior problems, but they say we should try it for several more weeks before we can know. It sure has not helped a bit yet!
I'm sorry you are having such a sucky day, but I wanted to let you know that I am your 20,000 visitor. I don't have much of a life and thought I would share that with you. I hope your weekend is better. ps, I have usually found that if a med is going to work you know it in about 4 days. You may have to insist your doc makes a change.
I'm so sorry you had one of those awful mornings. I've had them too, complete with my own not-so-proud moments. Tomorrow is a new day and meds can be adjusted. That's about the only hopeful stuff I can say right now. Sigh.
Hugs! ~Kari
It makes me sad to be in CO, I can't bring dinner over or offer to pre-teen sit for you. I'm proud you didn't throw your coffee on her in the car...my temper would have gone deep six I am sure.
Nightly prayers for you and yours.
(((hugs))) to you as you survive through the not-so-proud moments.
~Sheri
I'm back-tracking to catch up on your blog. I've had a few of those times with DQ. I've ended up pretty wet, but then she did too. It felt so good doing it, but not a proud moment. When adjusting hers or Andrew's meds (they see different docs) I've been told to give it a week even though it does take longer to get to theraputice levels. We'd be able to see if it'll make any difference in a few days. So far it's been true and we've had mood stabilizers as our "friend" for about 10 yrs now. I'd push the change in meds. Especially if you've noticed a change after she has started them. I wish we were neighbors. Perhaps DQ wouldn't call me racist, and we could help each other out. At least cry with each other.
Oh, Barb, I'm so sorry the raging is getting worse! It's been a hard week here too, but nobody got wet yet - this time. : ) One week somebody was wet nearly everyday...well, me and somebody else and the kitchen, bathroom or diningroom floor!
Are there any support staff at Akila's school who might come out and help when she arrives? Any EBD paras?
I also would have cried all the way home and drown my sorrows in several large mochas and a big bubble bath!
Praying for you, for Akila and for your other kiddos who live this everyday with you.
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