Concrete thinking and being challenged with generalizing

I blogged here about how Akila has a hard time generalizing.  Well I just happen to have a few more examples of it, shocking, I know.  Kids with FASD are known to be very concrete thinkers, you have to be careful with word choices.

Akila has not wanted to go on community outings with PCA's lately.  This is a huge bummer, as it is the only break we get.  Having a PCA work in the house with Akila when we are home, is very challenging.  No matter how good they are, and no matter how hard they try, Akila still picks fights with all 5 of us.  It is not fun.  So we have always survived with having PCA's take her places.  But lately, she does not want to go.  I am thinking it is possibly related to the fact that she will be moving out in the near future.

Anyway, I was telling the PCA tonight to not give Akila a choice of where to go.  I was telling the PCA's the same thing at the end of last summer.  She will just not choose an activity, or choose to not go somewhere if given the choice.  So I said, just plan something and bring her there after you pick her up from school.  If she asks where you are going, tell her you are bringing her somewhere that is a surprise.  I had to make sure she knew not to say, "I have a surprise for you", as Akila would then think that she was going to give her something.  Concrete thinker that she is.

I had told her that I would straighten her hair tonight.  As you may recall from many older posts, we have always had issues around hair.  Therefore, a little bit of vomit comes up in the back of my throat every time I think about having to do her hair.  Just being honest people.

The respite provider who she has stayed with the past few times, is a professional hair stylist, and has done Akila's hair.  Akila has also been going to a salon for her relaxers in the past year or so.  I did get some new hair oils and greases today to style it with.  She was excited about this.  So as I started on her hair, she immediately was getting mad at me if her hair was pulling in the slightest.  After her shower, she had combed through it.  But she was yelling at me for every little move I made.  And then she hit me.  I warned her, and she hit me again.

I walked out of the room.  She followed.  She yelled.  PCA tried to distract and encourage.  She pretty much ignored PCA.  Eventually, she apologized and I said I would try again, but if she hit I would stop again.  She of course hit.  I walked away.  She followed.  She was hitting and escalating.  It was not pretty.  For awhile.

Eventually, quite a bit later, we were back to the hair.  But I don't have the right brush, according to Akila.  It doesn't look exactly like the respite providers.  And I didn't comb it exactly like the hair salon lady does it.  And I didn't dry it exactly like my niece did last time.  And darn it, the girl can read.  Many times I think it would be easier if she couldn't.  She reads the bottles of goop, and thinks I have to follow each step to a T.  And I need a new flat iron as the one I have is not like somebody used on her.

I can't get her to understand that the hair goop is all basically the same.  Yes, I have met a zillion different Black women over the years who have recommended this or that hair goop.  They pretty much all seem the same to me, there have been some that are better than others, but all in all, nothing really stands out.  So it doesn't matter which one I have.  Especially because she won't even apply it everyday to keep her hair and scalp healthy.  That's another story.

I am so thankful that Imani has dread locks, and that she rocks them!!!