Utterly tragic

Michael hasn't had to work late much lately at all, but he did a little bit tonight.  We had no PCA tonight because of funding issues (you get PCA hours in 6 month chunks, and have to use them up within the 6 months.  You can bank them and use more one week and less the next week, but within the 6 month period.  Our new 6 month period started Mar. 1st, so I am trying to not go over the allotted daily hours in case Akila is gone next week, or I am going to have to pay the state).

Akila and I went for a bike ride when she got home from school, which was nice. Then I drew with her.  Then she wanted to go to her room to play alone.  I started dinner.  She came down and wanted Imani to play with her, and Imani said "not yet".  This set Akila off.  She came into the kitchen and started to lose it.

I tried to distract her, get her to help me- but nothing worked.  She got violent.  She tried to take a pot of boiling water and throw it on me, but I was one second ahead of her, thank God!  She hit, kicked and scratched me multiple times before I told her she was going to need to be restrained.  As I was moving her into the living room, Zeke came up from the family room crying as they could all hear Akila's rage.

I was backing out of the room pulling Akila with me as I had her by the wrists, when Zeke attacked her from the back.  He totally lost it.  Zeke is a happy go lucky super duper fun kid.  He is at the end of his rope.  We all pretty much are.  Imani had come up, and she helped get Zeke off of Akila and I got her into a restraint.  I had Hezekiah come and take Zeke to Ms. Kathy's, our next door adopted grandma.  Imani took over the cooking.

I had to restrain her for awhile.  It is the goofiest thing you have ever seen.  The front screen door is open so all who walk by can her her cussing and carrying on.  I don't care.  Imani had a question about the meal I had been cooking.  I had her bring the cookbook for me to see.  I am sitting on Akila restraining her, reading a cookbook and telling Imani what to do next like it is as normal as anything.

When restraint was over, she started going in on Imani verbally, so I sent Imani to Kathy's also and finished dinner.  She eventually settled down.  After dinner, Imani and Zeke played with her for quite awhile.  Aren't they amazing?  But they shouldn't have to do this anymore.  None of us should.

After Michael got home, eventually she went nuts again.  Another restraint.  More fun.  Not.  More emotions from Zeke.  He doesn't want to leave me alone when Akila is out of control.  Yet, I don't want him to see and hear it all.

I just feel so sad for Akila.  She wants so badly to behave, but just isn't capable.  She had her annual physical last week.  Our Pediatrician is awesome.  She was sad.  She just kept saying, it is so "tragic", as it is not her fault.  So true.  It is tragic.  Utterly tragic.