Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Wishing for consistency

I so wish Akila was more consistent in her goofiness.  I can do goofy.  I just can't do violent.  When I say goofy, I am talking about her non-violent anger.  Her verbal aggression.

We are trying really hard to avoid rages and violence at this point.  We always do, but even more so now as we wait.  And wait.  There is some movement behind the scenes, but it is at a crawl pace.  In case you hadn't noticed.  

The last week or so, she has not been extremely violent, a punch here and there, a kick here and there.  But she has been consistently verbally aggressive.  Sometimes, she just seems downright mean, nasty, angry.  And just when I think I have some little qwerky thing figured out, I learn I don't.  Here are a few examples:
  • One morning as she was going out the door to the school bus, I was at the door like June Cleaver handing her backpack to her.  I got some foul words thrown at me.  "Don't touch my backpack you stupid %#@#@!!!!"  The next morning, I did not touch her backpack and got some foul words thrown at me, "Give me my backpack you dumb%@#@!!"
  • One morning, when she came down after getting dressed, I asked her if she would like oatmeal or eggs for breakfast.  I got some foul words thrown at me, "Leave me alone you !@!#!!  Gosh, why can't you ever leave me alone.  You're so stupid, etc."  Next morning, I did not ask about breakfast or say anything.  I got some foul words thrown at me.  "I'm hungry you idiot!!!  Get me some breakfast, what are you waiting for?!?!!"
  • One evening, when tying up her hair in a scarf, I asked if she wanted to take off her headband, or if I should.  I got some foul words thrown at me.  "Don't touch it you stupid idiot!!!  Gosh, you're so stupid.  Keep your greasy hands off of me, etc."  So, I asked if she wanted to keep it on or take it off.  "OFF you fool!!!" She yelled.  So I waited for her to take it off and she didn't.  Then she yelled at me again and ordered me to take it off, even though she had just told me not to touch her.  The next night I asked if she wanted me to take it off and she said, "Da dar da dar!! You dummy."  So I took it off.  The following night, I started to take the headband off, and got smacked.
  • One day she will mac and cheese for an evening meal and love it.  The next time I will offer it as a suggestion and she will yell at me that she doesn't like it.
I just wish she would be consistent in her goofiness.  I feel like my brain is always in high gear as I try to stay one step ahead of her, and it still doesn't even work.  She is just in a mode, a long term mode, where she just needs to be mad about something.  She will sit and yell at something that is the way she wants it.  It is emotionally exhausting.


Anonymous said...

I have been "lurking" here for a couple of weeks. I can relate to the feeling of living with an abuser. Just knowing I am not alone is comforting.
I am not just saying this- I have been praying for you and for her.

tracy said...

I'm so sorry, you must be exhausted from always walking on egg shells. Here's hoping the end is near.

Anonymous said...

My doctor was stellar with advice on this one- he reminded me to be as bland and triggerless as possible. It is kind of working for mine, but he didn't much say how to cope once said rage-muffin was safely tucked in bed and mommy needs to de-brief! Maybe we can't figure it out- maybe something unplanned and unexpected will break through. God bless!

Anonymous said...

My kids are both like this - just a milder version of it. They are young and do not have the swear words yet and any violence they have shown, we have been able to keep in check - so far. But they change their minds ALL the time. It's like they forget what their own preferences are and are entirely conflicted about whether they want help or not. Alomost anything we suggest is wrong.