Thursday, March 1, 2012


We have another new PCA who started recently, she is super sweet.  She worked the other night and it went really well, Akila loves her.  I noticed something interesting last night I want to share.

I blogged in the end of January about some similarities between how Akila has been acting and how an abuser acts.  In that entry I shared how after a new PCA had left, Akila turned mean and violent instantly, similar to someone who abuses their wife does.  Unfortunately, that PCA from that post is past her honeymoon phase now, and Akila has been pretty rude to her the past week or two.

One evening recently, that PCA, I will refer to her as J, was making mac and cheese or ramen noodles or something like that for Akila.  Akila yelled at her through the entire process that she was doing it wrong.  It was very similar to how she yells at us.  The next night, the newest PCA, I will refer to her as L, was making mac and cheese.  Akila started to tell her how to do some part of it, and then was being really sweet, saying "It's OK, you're doing a nice job" and smiling.  Akila was very sweet and supportive of L who was doing the exact same thing J had done the night before.

They had a great time, played with Polly Pockets, colored, played on the computer- it was great.  Then L said goodbye to Akila at the end of the shift and came into the dining room to fill out a timesheet.  Akila went up the stairs to my bedroom where Imani and Hezekiah were watching TV.  I was standing at the bottom of the stairs and I could see Akila in the door of my room.  She started to yell at the kids, and then stopped and asked if L was gone yet.  I said no, so she stopped and did not go off on the kids anymore.

It was very similar to the episode in January with J, where she did not want her to see Akila get rude.  Last night, she did not want L to see her being too rude.

Akila has always been like this, where she gets comfortable with you and is more willing to let loose.  Just so interesting to watch so closely.  It use to take her close to 6 months to get use to someone where she would let them see her behaviors.  I do wish the honeymoon phase was longer like it use to be, it is so hard to see your child being so rude to someone else, even if they are getting paid (minimally).  I do love our PCA's.


Lisa said...

My dd18's counselor once said that she suspected my daughter had witnessed the cycle of domestic abuse in her birth family (she was removed at 22 mos) because her behaviors towards me mimicked the cycle perfectly. She would even cycle in the therapists office - one minute being loving and kind, then out of the blue being ugly and rude, then apologizing, promising it would never happen again - etc. I hadn't ever thought of it like that but it was very eye opening. Her bio brother used to have quite a long honeymoon period with new people and he would have them completely snowed - until he couldn't hold it in any more and then yowza! he just burned that bridge and moved on.

It is very interesting to watch, but sad to know they are so stuck.

Anonymous said...

Akila needs to accept Jesus into her heart.

dorothy said...

Funny comment about Akila needing Jesus...we all need Jesus...not just those with mental health issues. And I personally know many people who love jesus desperatly and are unable to 'stop' FASD and other mental health behaviors simply because they are saved...watching them - they are the ones with the largest faith...trusting that if not on earth than in heaven they will be healed and made whole.

Yes Akila needs Jesus and so do I.

DynamicDuo said...

I have to say our girls are much the same, with teachers, family, babysitters what have you. They are wonderful until they get comfortable.
Whether it is FASD or the trauma aspect of their early childhood, not sure anyone knows, but it seems to be hardwired into their emotional circuits.
Not even sure they are truly aware of it. From day one, the girls were sweet until Matt left for work, then they closed the door behind him and turned to me with the look.
Now many years later they still tend to do it more with me, but they are comfortable with Matt and he is seeing it more and more.
sad really, just sad that their minds have been so damaged and they had no choice in it.

Kari said...

Accepting Jesus is not a cure for brain damage. It isn't a cure for ignorance either.

Much ♥ to you, Barb.