Thursday was rough. Very rough. Friday also felt icky. Tried to blog yesterday morning, but I couldn't stop crying, so I put it off. I think I can do it now.
As I am writing, the 3 kids and I are at Breezy Point thanks to our friends Julie and Mark, who couldn't make it to the first 3 days of their week long time share. The timing is perfect, and this gift is a true blessing. Michael could not get Monday and Tuesday off so he stayed at home. I think some time alone for him is healthy once in awhile. We climbed the fire tower, and went swimming so far. We are taking a dinner break right now.
We left after we got the painter set and Akila was in high spirits. It is a 4 hour drive, and she was an angel. She would out of the blue say "I love you mom. I love you dad." It was awesome, and sweet, but heartbreaking. We arrived at the facility at about 2:30, our appt was at 3:00. She wanted to go in so we did. We had a tour (the guy asked her close to the end of it what she thought, and she said "Awesome!!", did some paperwork, and about 1 1/2 hours later, it was time for us to leave.
Michael said to the Admissions Director, "So we are done?" He said yes. Akila said to Michael, "It's OK dad, you can leave now. I'll be OK." I teared up, gave her a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her, choked up , waved to the Admissions guy, and left. Michael teared up too as he said goodbye, and we left. And we cried. On and off the entire 4 hour drive home, and then some more.
It was horrific. I honestly think it would have been easier for me if she were raging when we left, but I also know it would have not been better for Akila. So I am thankful she was so good. It was a long, horrific day. There is no other way to describe it.
The other 3 kids slept over at Dan and Tara's (Michael's brother and wife), so Friday morning was quiet. Michael had decided to work from home, not knowing how emotional he still might be. I woke up, tried to blog, but it was making me a mess. I had to send an email to Akila's social worker/therapist at the RTC, cried all through writing it. Michael and I went out for lunch.
Then at 4:30, I called Akila. She had a super night and a great first day at the new school. She loves her room, food was great, and school was awesome. She is at summer camp, basically. The social worker said the few kids who come in excited, usually lose that fairly soon, once they realize all the rules and things like that.
Akila always has a honeymoon phase when she goes somewhere new. At the crisis home, it was about 2 weeks. I think it will be longer here because it will take longer for her to get more comfortable. It was good to talk to her. Shortly after I talked to her, I picked up the other 3. That helped me to start to come out of the fog of emotions I had been stewing in.
This morning, the kids and I got up, packed up, and headed for Breezy Point, a resort in northern MN. It is just what we needed. We will be here until Tuesday- it is spring break this coming week. I so appreciate all of your prayers and support. We definitely felt God's arms around us, and around Akila which is the most important thing to us right now.
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8 comments:
I know there's really nothing to say that's going to help you feel better or different - but thank you for sharing your hard road with the rest of us, and our thoughts and prayers are with your family.
Thinking of you.
I read somewhere that travelling the hard road inevitably had you wind up in a place of truth inaccesible to the unscathed and unscarred. Definately DIDN'T say the hard road was better, just got you somewhere deeper and different than you would otherwise have had. Gave me hope when my child of 9 years ended up in a crisis home.
Hope it gives you hope one day too.
Praying for you!
I have added you to the prayer list at my family's home church in Louisiana where Rick Santorum gave us the honor of a personal visit recently and where our pastor spoke so bravely about what must be done to make America one nation under God. Prayers from righteous Christians can do more to heal your child than so-called professionals with college degrees who scoff at the power of the Almighty.
Praying for you ALL! We are on Spring Break this week too if you want to do something...
Thanks for sharing this gut-honest post with us. Your journey with Akila has certainly been challenging, and it is ironic that the very act of bringing her elsewhere can be just as challenging as living with her disabilities. I hope that with time, you are able to take a deep breath and exhale, that you are able to pick up things that you have unable to do for so long and that especially your children will begin feeling a new energy in your home. You are ALL amazing people for what you have put into this young lady, and for loving her as much as you have, despite... So happy for you that you have a chance to literally step out of it all, sounds like you have wonderful friends. God bless to you all.
P.S. How did your kitchen turn out? :)
I remember that day when I dropped Lillie off at RTC. It was horrific. Feeling relieved and guilty all at the same time. Praying every moment that it would turn out okay. I pray peace for you and pray for Akila too that some part of that program will touch her brain and help her on her journey.
Just got my check for $500.
Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them about how much money you can get by taking paid surveys from home...
So I took a video of myself getting paid $500 for taking paid surveys to set the record straight.
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