Thursday was rough. Very rough. Friday also felt icky. Tried to blog yesterday morning, but I couldn't stop crying, so I put it off. I think I can do it now.
As I am writing, the 3 kids and I are at Breezy Point thanks to our friends Julie and Mark, who couldn't make it to the first 3 days of their week long time share. The timing is perfect, and this gift is a true blessing. Michael could not get Monday and Tuesday off so he stayed at home. I think some time alone for him is healthy once in awhile. We climbed the fire tower, and went swimming so far. We are taking a dinner break right now.
We left after we got the painter set and Akila was in high spirits. It is a 4 hour drive, and she was an angel. She would out of the blue say "I love you mom. I love you dad." It was awesome, and sweet, but heartbreaking. We arrived at the facility at about 2:30, our appt was at 3:00. She wanted to go in so we did. We had a tour (the guy asked her close to the end of it what she thought, and she said "Awesome!!", did some paperwork, and about 1 1/2 hours later, it was time for us to leave.
Michael said to the Admissions Director, "So we are done?" He said yes. Akila said to Michael, "It's OK dad, you can leave now. I'll be OK." I teared up, gave her a hug and a kiss, told her I loved her, choked up , waved to the Admissions guy, and left. Michael teared up too as he said goodbye, and we left. And we cried. On and off the entire 4 hour drive home, and then some more.
It was horrific. I honestly think it would have been easier for me if she were raging when we left, but I also know it would have not been better for Akila. So I am thankful she was so good. It was a long, horrific day. There is no other way to describe it.
The other 3 kids slept over at Dan and Tara's (Michael's brother and wife), so Friday morning was quiet. Michael had decided to work from home, not knowing how emotional he still might be. I woke up, tried to blog, but it was making me a mess. I had to send an email to Akila's social worker/therapist at the RTC, cried all through writing it. Michael and I went out for lunch.
Then at 4:30, I called Akila. She had a super night and a great first day at the new school. She loves her room, food was great, and school was awesome. She is at summer camp, basically. The social worker said the few kids who come in excited, usually lose that fairly soon, once they realize all the rules and things like that.
Akila always has a honeymoon phase when she goes somewhere new. At the crisis home, it was about 2 weeks. I think it will be longer here because it will take longer for her to get more comfortable. It was good to talk to her. Shortly after I talked to her, I picked up the other 3. That helped me to start to come out of the fog of emotions I had been stewing in.
This morning, the kids and I got up, packed up, and headed for Breezy Point, a resort in northern MN. It is just what we needed. We will be here until Tuesday- it is spring break this coming week. I so appreciate all of your prayers and support. We definitely felt God's arms around us, and around Akila which is the most important thing to us right now.
143 days....Weird Goal, huh?
3 days ago