Thursday, February 16, 2012

A gentle reminder

For the past two weeks, Akila has been on a decent streak. Instead of being violent every day, all day, she has had about 2-3 days a week where she has been violent, and it has not been as intense and extreme. She will hit, kick and attack, and it will be over within 30 minutes (well, kind of). Of course, this starts to play with your head and heart as a parent as we received word last week from the county that they are working on out of home placement. Makes you question your request.

Then you have a night like last night, and the Lord slaps you up side the head with reality.

The PCA dropped her off around 8:30 and Akila was focused on an injury she thinks she had. She thinks she pulled a muscle or something on the top of her foot. It probably is a bit sore, but you cannot visibly see anything. But being the smart experience mom that I am (ha), I said I could see a difference between the "injured" foot and the other. If I had said it looked fine, we would have had instant anger. But she was convinced she needs to go to the Dr. I told her it is not a Dr. kind of injury, and one that we need to ice and wrap (she loves to put ace bandages on and pretend she has an injury).

This was not good enough. She was starting to elevate. I told her I would call our Dr. the next day and explain the injury and see what she said. Akila got very mad, as she thought we needed to go to the ER. Keep in mind, she is walking normal, and there is no sign of a problem. She also did not remember doing anything to it, which could have resulted in an injury. I was sitting in a chair and she was on the floor beside me showing me the injury. She started to punch my fatty thigh, I have plenty of extra padding for just such an occasion.

She was getting quite upset, and I could not talk her down. A trip to the ER is the only de-escalation thing that would have worked a this point, trust me. I left the room, she followed attacking me as I went. I went upstairs to the bathroom and took my sweet time. When I came out, she was outside the bathroom door waiting for me. Michael had been trying to distract her, but it was not working. I went into my bedroom, and she started in a full out attack/rage.

I ended up having to restrain her finally. And wow, I can't explain how strong this little thing is. Michael helped me, and we had to restrain her for quite awhile. Her mouth was more violent than ever, and she swore more than she did the entire month of HORRID January. She kept calling Michael a slut, which was making me want to laugh out loud, but I restrained myself- maybe because I was stinging from a bite to the knee, wow, that one hurt.

During this long restraint, I was praying, and thanking the Lord for the reminder. We are meeting our Placement Worker this afternoon, and I was feeling funny about it. Even though I know more than anyone how Akila works. She will go for weeks with the bad behavior, and have a good week or two, followed by a string of ugliness. I know this, but it is hard to explain to others.

Akila had an appt with the Psychiatrist yesterday. She was asking how things are going, and it was hard to answer. She has had two good weeks, but that means nothing from a medication stand point. The Dr. did seem to understand this, for which I was thankful.

The week that Akila was going to a crisis home at the end of last summer, Michael and I were an emotional mess. I remember vividly the morning she was going (and she did not know yet), her being very violent and Michael and I restraining her in the kitchen. We were both looking at each other and thinking, "really, really???". It was a reminder from the Lord why we were doing what we were doing, for although we knew it was right, it felt horrible.

Last night was a gentle reminder from the One who knows again. Well, maybe not so gentle, but He got the point across.


dorothy said...

Pot roast, potatoes and carrots. I'm thinking we are both at the 'comfort food' stage of the whole game. Time to add a little more of that protective padding because we both need a little extra in this season. Wonder which grocer has it on sale this week? I'll be hunting them down for sure.

GG said...

I only know you from your blog and but I feel for you and for your daughter, and your whole family. You have educated a lot of us about FASD, faith and love. Thank you.

Blessed said...

I am sorry, and yet glad, for the "reminder." I am praying that you continue to feel His presence throughout this placement heartache. It sure sounds like it is necessary and wise and good for everybody, but oh, how it would hurt even more to question if it was God's will! So I'm asking Him to let you and your husband feel confident in your decisions--you are truly considering what is best for everybody.

Jane said...

You are doing the most that can be done to provide Akila and the rest of your family with a safe environment. God knows that.

We too have heard that "I NEED to go the ER NOW!" song so many, many times over the years, with the subsequent escalation. It never gets easy to deal with. I will continue to pray for you.

Kelly said...

Just letting you know I miss you guys and am praying for you through all of this. I have a meal too for your family, so whenever you want a visitor, let me know and we (me and the kids) can bring it by.

Miz Kizzle said...

I'm sorry that your daughter is so damaged that she physically attacks you but I have to admit that I laughed out loud at her calling your husband a slut.
Here's to better days ahead (raises coffee cup.)

Big Wind with Hair said...

The first time I read this post it started my sub-conscious working on my conscious brain. Our son is 14 and is moderately mentally retarded. He gets very angry & violent and will break stuff around the house, or put new "dents" or holes in the walls. He has become even more violet and aggressive the past few months because his psychiatrist has taken him off a few of his meds since he had his 1st conference call with DS's social worker! His doc said his behaviors are due to his mental retardation and he needs to LEARN how to control them and have a setting that will help him. Long story short I think his doc, SW, teacher, etc., have all been trying to get us to realize it's time to start making out-of-home placement plans. It just kills me and I know it will be so upsetting to our son, but we have to think of what is best for HIM, and what is best for our other 3 kids and ourselves. It is so hard and I doubt myself almost daily, but I know I have to keep moving forward to find the best option for him. My prayers are with you and your family... God gives us "not-so-gentle" reminders every day!

~Anne (aka Wonder Woman)