Then you have a night like last night, and the Lord slaps you up side the head with reality.
The PCA dropped her off around 8:30 and Akila was focused on an injury she thinks she had. She thinks she pulled a muscle or something on the top of her foot. It probably is a bit sore, but you cannot visibly see anything. But being the smart experience mom that I am (ha), I said I could see a difference between the "injured" foot and the other. If I had said it looked fine, we would have had instant anger. But she was convinced she needs to go to the Dr. I told her it is not a Dr. kind of injury, and one that we need to ice and wrap (she loves to put ace bandages on and pretend she has an injury).
This was not good enough. She was starting to elevate. I told her I would call our Dr. the next day and explain the injury and see what she said. Akila got very mad, as she thought we needed to go to the ER. Keep in mind, she is walking normal, and there is no sign of a problem. She also did not remember doing anything to it, which could have resulted in an injury. I was sitting in a chair and she was on the floor beside me showing me the injury. She started to punch my fatty thigh, I have plenty of extra padding for just such an occasion.
She was getting quite upset, and I could not talk her down. A trip to the ER is the only de-escalation thing that would have worked a this point, trust me. I left the room, she followed attacking me as I went. I went upstairs to the bathroom and took my sweet time. When I came out, she was outside the bathroom door waiting for me. Michael had been trying to distract her, but it was not working. I went into my bedroom, and she started in a full out attack/rage.
I ended up having to restrain her finally. And wow, I can't explain how strong this little thing is. Michael helped me, and we had to restrain her for quite awhile. Her mouth was more violent than ever, and she swore more than she did the entire month of HORRID January. She kept calling Michael a slut, which was making me want to laugh out loud, but I restrained myself- maybe because I was stinging from a bite to the knee, wow, that one hurt.
During this long restraint, I was praying, and thanking the Lord for the reminder. We are meeting our Placement Worker this afternoon, and I was feeling funny about it. Even though I know more than anyone how Akila works. She will go for weeks with the bad behavior, and have a good week or two, followed by a string of ugliness. I know this, but it is hard to explain to others.
Akila had an appt with the Psychiatrist yesterday. She was asking how things are going, and it was hard to answer. She has had two good weeks, but that means nothing from a medication stand point. The Dr. did seem to understand this, for which I was thankful.
The week that Akila was going to a crisis home at the end of last summer, Michael and I were an emotional mess. I remember vividly the morning she was going (and she did not know yet), her being very violent and Michael and I restraining her in the kitchen. We were both looking at each other and thinking, "really, really???". It was a reminder from the Lord why we were doing what we were doing, for although we knew it was right, it felt horrible.
Last night was a gentle reminder from the One who knows again. Well, maybe not so gentle, but He got the point across.