Somebody texted me this morning asking how Akila was doing. I said she was up and down. They then texted asking if she was better. Well, I just sat and looked at my phone and didn't know how to respond. Better is all relative when it comes to Akila. I finally responded texting that she has good days and bad days, and her bad days are extremely bad. So, she is having ups and downs. They responded, "OK." Not sure if they got the message or not.
As I wrote yesterday, we have been getting by, but not in a way that a person would want to live. Today, a PCA picked her up from school to bring her to dance. She basically refused to go to dance, and was threatening to kill the PCA and being very verbally abusive. They ended up going to the library. I spoke with her on the phone before the library, and I could tell she was not in a good place, mood wise. They were at the library a long time and she was fine there.
When they got home, the ugly mood came out again. It is amazing how much we keep needing reminders of why we are doing what we are doing. It boils down to the fact that we desperately want to keep her home, but have tried everything and know we can't hold on much longer. We know it is in the best interest of all 6 of us, but it is just so un-natural. So incredibly un-natural to not have your child living with you.