Thursday, February 9, 2012

No friends, a blessing?

I was thinking last night about how much we have been able to shelter Akila still, even in 7th grade. She is not even close to getting involved in risky behavior like some middle school kids are already doing. She is still fairly oblivious to drugs and alcohol and how many teens get sucked into it.

I am not naive, I fully expect that some day, she will be intrigued by it all and get into that junk. Again, if I am wrong, thank you Jesus. But I like to be prepared emotionally, rather than surprised.

I am often sad about the fact that Akila doesn't have a good friend, let alone any friends. When I was in elementary school and junior high, I had a best friend and we were inseperable. I get sad when I realize Akila will not have those memories. Yes, she will always have Imani and the boys, and some good memories with them, but it is different to have a friend outside of your family.

What I realized last night, is that this is probably the very reason why she isn't getting into any bad stuff yet. Often, especially for kids with FASD, it is your friends who expose you to new things, good and bad. She still doesn't know what "cutting" is, she has never heard of it. I am trying to keep it this way as long as possible. She will do it to get attention when she learns about it.

I fully know that when she is placed outside of our home, most likely in a Residential Treatment Center, she is going to learn all kinds of stuff. I had expected her to learn stuff when she was in the crisis home, and amazingly she didn't.

I am dreading the day when she starts to be aware of some of the yucky things in our world.


DynamicDuo said...

for us well when we first brought the girls home we lived in a rural area in SD and their were only 6 other girls in their class. All of them tried real hard with our girls and their first birthday here in the US was wonderful, every year after that went downhill. Now 10 almost 11 years later they have no real best buddies, they have the kids from school who are as dysfunctional as they are. No phone calls, no invites, nothing. I wish they could have some good friends, friends that would help them understand what's going on, not going to happen until their out of high school. Other days I'm glad because the NT kids, they just use our girls to their own means. The dysfunctional kids like ours... well we've had some come spend the night and its been good here, most of the kids that come over have never known a real family atmosphere, they never invite the girls to their homes... Our girls want them gone the minute they wake up, it wrecks their schedule and they are done.
I often sit and think on this. With our girls and their history they can't miss what they have never known, we miss it for them but they don't know the difference. They want what they see in the halls at school and on GLEE on Tv, but all of that is not real. In truth my girls are better with adults or very small children, they want to be what they see yet it also makes them feel uncomfortable and anxious. Quite honestly its just sad, a lose lose for everyone.
A therapist once told us not to worry about friendships with kids like ours, it will come when they are ready.

Melissa said...

Never gave much thought to "friends" possibly leading into bad behaviour in FASD (not their fault, just typical experimental stuff every teen does). I can see how that would be a terrifying thought.

Definitely a double edged sword.