Thursday, February 23, 2012


When we started the adoption process over 13 years ago, one of the hardest parts was the wait. I am not a patient person. When I sent in the pre-application with the $50 fee, I waited anxiously for the next step. I felt that the next batch of paperwork should arrive within a week. Never works that way. Then we got the next batch of paperwork, which was huge, and I finished my part up right away. Husband, not so much. So, I waited. And waited. And tried not to nag. Tried being the key word.

Finally sent in that batch, and waited some more. Waited for the meeting with the social worker for the home study. Waited. Finally got through the home study. Had it sent out to several different agencies. Waited some more. It was a huge test to put my faith in the Lord and in His timing. When adopting Akila, who is our first child, we had several scenarios fall through, which made the waiting even more difficult, and even painful at times.

Then when we got the "call" about Akila, and said yes after some info exchange, the wait was the most challenging. When you know who your child is, it seems like you should be able to go and get them right now. Why wait? Waiting is dumb. :) Drove me nuts to wait once we had committed. Throughout the entire process, even before we were matched with Akila, we would sometimes come up with little excuses to call the agencies to get an update, or see if there was any movement. I'm sure they knew this, but I really didn't want to be "that parent", who was calling and harassing them all the time. I spaced my calls out, and always came up with a dumb reason for the call. It is part of the game.

I took exactly 9 months from the day I sent in the pre-application, to the day we got Akila. Not bad, I know international adoptions take years, as do many domestic adoptions. But like I said, I am not a patient person. I do not like to wait, especially when I am really excited about something. And I have never been good at understanding systems and why they are run so ineffectively so that things take too long. I have a friend who along with her husband, has been trying to adopt through foster care in Hennepin County. It took the county FOREVER to finish their homestudy, and even longer to match them with two children. Close to two years I think. Drove me nuts!!!!!!

I can't even get into the emotions of the kids who are waiting, the waiting children list is lengthy. I have no idea of what their wait is like, the emotions they go through. That is for another post.

I also want to write about the irony of the waiting period we are in right now, it is such contrast to the waiting period we started 13 years ago. Now, we are waiting, anxiously I may add, for the county to find an out of home placement for the daughter we love with all of our heart and waited so long to bring into our family. We are not waiting now with anticipation or excitement, but with anxiety, fear, grief and sadness. We are waiting for relief, we are waiting for sanity, we are waiting for safety- both emotionally and physically. Now, I am sitting each day trying to think of an excuse to call our county social worker, to see where they are at with placement.

It is not something I would have ever guessed we would be waiting for 13 years ago. For the umpteenth time, I must reiterate, that Akila is my daughter, I love her and I am glad she is my daughter. I was meant to be her mother and I know this with all my heart. Does this mean that I don't ever wish she did not have FASD? No way, I wish that daily. I pray for healing for her. But I am going to love her where she is at right now, and that is at a place of instability and pain.

Here are the two possibilities that are being looked into for out of home placement at this time; a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in Wisconsin which is 4 hours away from Minneapolis. Not too excited about that. It is a band-aid approach, and too far away. There are no group home openings in the metro, from what I am being told. So I have asked if they would look in my hometown of Willmar and they are. I have friends who I know would help connect with Akila as well as let me stay there for visits. It is only 2 hours away. If a non-metro option is what we need to go with, Willmar is my first choice. If you are a praying person, please join me in praying for that option.

So once again, I am being put to the test. Is it my timing, or God's timing? I know the right thing, and that is to be patient and wait for Him to reveal the next steps to me. So I wait. I pray.


Emily said...

praying with you.

* said...

Barb do you know how the RTC in WI would be covered? Get it in writing if you go that option. We are still paying Megan's 1 yr placement. She was discharged almost 2 yrs ago. I'll pray that Willmar option works for you.

Blessed said...

Praying! Thanks for sharing something specific we can pray about.

Anonymous said...

I hope it works out.
My question is: if God has a plan for everyone and you trust him to be infallable then why petition him with prayer?

Anonymous said...

Barb, so very well written! You spoke words close to my heart. I never imagined God giving me a child with XYY and autism only to have to place him in a group home also. BUT I now believe that I was made my son's mom for that very reason--to protect him and keep him safe whatever that looks like. My heart aches not having Josh at our table each night but I also know none of us would have survived in the "other life" so this is what we must do. Josh is coming home for a short weekend visit--I'm glad that I can hug my little boy (now 6 feet tall!!) I will join you in praying for a miracle...Our social worker couldn't believe that Josh got a placement within two months!!! Call me if you need to talk. Rae