The mail came with a bag of emotions

I received 3 letters in the mail yesterday regarding Akila. One was from the county saying her MA (Medical Assistance) was reinstated. I had to fill out her renewal form in December, it was due Jan. 8th. I mailed it Jan. 6th, and of course made a copy before I sent it and a note as to what day it was mailed on. Jan. 25th I received a nasty letter saying that they would cancel her MA on Feb. 1st because I didn't supply the info requested. I called. I sat on hold way over an hour.

They had not received it. I asked for a fax number, and faxed it that day. Went to CVS on Feb. 1st to get an Rx and they said her MA was cancelled. I called, pressed the button that tells you what forms they have received in the last 30 days. They received her renewal form on Jan. 10 and Jan. 25. I pressed 0 to talk to a genius. I waited on hold over an hour. Genius asked me when I sent it in. I said Jan. 8th and Jan. 25th, and according to THEIR system they received it Jan. 10 and Jan. 25. She said oh. Messed around in the computer then said, oh yes, we did receive it. I held back my tongue when I wanted to say "TWICE". She then said she would TRY to process it tomorrow.

Anyway, I hate their system. So one of the letters I received yesterday was from the county saying it was reinstated and the eligibility reason was "disability/DD waiver". Now, I sat and looked at this for awhile. Does that mean she is on a DD waiver, or not? Kind of confusing, but I could see it where we would get off the waiting list, be on a waiver, and I wouldn't know it. It is not beyond what I would believe could happen since I know how they run the show.

The next letter was a letter from the county saying they "concur" with our request for out of home placement. The letter gives us the name and phone number of our placement worker, but tells you nothing about what the next steps are, or what should be done. I of course called the placement worker. But not until after I sat alone in my living room in a weird state of semi-shock. There was a whole bag of twisted emotions I was feeling. Relief. Sadness. Grief. More sadness.

It will still be quite the process I think before something happens. There is a moratorium on group homes, so Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is probably our option. But even that will probably take awhile. The placement worker is hoping to have our info by end of the week (really, can I come down there and pick it up and walk it to your desk or drive it to your location??). But we have been jumping through hurdles forever, and this is like hurdle #27. I hope to hear from him next week.

The third letter I received, was Akila's report card, along with an invitation to the honor roll ceremony. She made the honor roll again. Awesome. Fantastic. I should have been ecstatic. But again, mixed bag of emotions. I hate how crazy it makes us look that she is doing well in school. It would almost be easier if she was nutty everywhere. But I know it is a blessing she is doing well in school, and in large part is due to some excellent staff who are working with her.

The first letter made me angry and annoyed. Sick of wasting my time with a system that is inefficient. The second letter made me sad and relieved. The third letter made me proud and sad. The mail was full of a bag of emotions yesterday.