Friday, February 17, 2012

The meeting

The meeting with our placement worker went well. It was mainly a meet and greet. Akila would not come fully into the living room. She stood in the doorway. The worker did a nice job of getting her to warm up a little, she was not angry, but would not come into the room.

While he was talking briefly about the process, or where he has sent her info to check into places that might be able to take her, she would just shake her head no. When asked about what she was feeling, she would say she was going to do better.

There is a place with an opening and he is sending our stuff to see if it is a good fit, from what I have heard about this place, I think they will accept her. It could possibly happen next week, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much, or down too much. It is still a horrible feeling. Especially as it is a 4 hour drive.

It is amazing to me that the there is not a good place in the Twin Cities metro area with the high amount of challenging kids here- or one within a two hour range. There are for sure other places, but they might not accept the physical aggression, or have an opening. But this is the main place that everyone thinks is the best fit for her, regardless of where the are openings.

Makes me sad, 4 hours. That will make it harder to visit her as often as I would like, especially with a 1997 and 1999 vehicle with lots of miles on them and visits to the mechanic every 3 months with issues.

After the worker left, Akila was looking through some craft books she had gotten from the library. Shortly into the books, she wanted me to look in the basement for a specific tank top that was featured in one of the books. We don't have a shirt like it showed. But she was convinced I could find one if I looked in the basement. Sometimes, when she is like this, I go down there to pretend to look for something I know I don't have, just to appease her. I did this, and did not have the shirt.

This made her mad, very mad. I gave her several options, extremely similar to the shirt she had in her head. The exact same shirt actually, except the on we have has ribbing in it. She didn't like this. So she got physical.

While she was in the living room hitting and kicking me, Imani came in (to intentionally distract her), and asked if she would play Just Dance on the Wii with her. Akila said yes, but not yet (I will finish the sentence she didn't finish here; "yes, but not until I am done beating on mommy"). Imani said OK and went back to the kitchen while Akila continued to fume and hit. At one point, Zeke asked me to come into the kitchen and he said, "how come it is taking them so long to find someone to take her?" I said that it takes awhile for them to find just the right place.

Imani came in 2 more times and Akila finally went with her. My kids are amazing. Shortly after that, the in-home therapist arrived and Michael and I left to go pick up a vehicle from the garage. The rest of the evening went fairly well. Akila is going to respite this evening, and I am very thankful for that, especially with the long weekend.


Anonymous said...

My heart breaks for you and all you have been and continue to go through as mother who trully loves all of her children! You are a wonderful mother, who never gives up!! Lots of prayers and hugs to your family as you go through another difficult process!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I'm new! I've been following your blog for a few short weeks, and can hardly believe what I am reading. I have 4 adopted "nephews" with FASD and have heard and seen a lot with them, but you just give such a clear, sad picture. I know that it is really hard for my friend, but I don't think she tells me everything. We have been fostering a baby since birth, and he is now 10 months old. His mom admitted to drinking "until she found out she was pregnant." We love this dear little baby, and although we have taken numerous courses on FASD and live it through my girlfriend's kids, we still feel called to adopt this dear baby. We can't imagine life without him, but would you call us nuts?
P.s. you sound like a wonderful loving mother, and I pray that the Lord may give you and your family strength for whatever lies ahead!

* said...

Isn't it sad that what you described is so "normal" to our other kids? When going through this I couldn't believe how few places there were for DQ. We only had a 2.5 hr drive and it does get hard. Keeping you and your family in my prayers.